Home » 10 Things We Can Learn From a 1970’s Guide to Sensual Massage

10 Things We Can Learn From a 1970’s Guide to Sensual Massage

We need to talk about massage – or more specifically The Art of Sensual Massage, a book from the 1970’s that I found while cleaning out my basement the other day.

As the story goes, my sister procured this book at a garage sale to use as part of an art project, however I also suspect it was to horrify my Mom. I believe her exact words were, “Mom, this is going to make you barf.” My Mom is about as anxious to re-visit the 1970’s as I am to return to my junior high days of the mid-90’s (overly gelled “wet look” hair and crocheted vests, anyone?) Mom, I feel your pain. However, I also feel like there are some important things we can learn from the shudder inducing cultural artifact that is The Art of Sensual Massage. 

According to the back of the book, massage is “as easy as making love. It’s the rediscovery of an ancient art, an erotic and healthy way of touching that has been practiced everywhere on earth from biblical times to the present. It’s as near as your own hands and as easy as your lover’s body.” 

And no, this book is not a Phil Collins song, although it sure sounds like it. Although it’s not formally suggested, I feel like this fine piece of literature would be best enjoyed while listening to some sitar music and wearing something tie-dyed….or as the book suggests, nothing at all. Because, as The Art of Sensual Massage wants you to know…

Well, now that that’s cleared up let’s begin! The Art of Sensual Massage provides a bunch of tips on how to massage your lover or friend. If you’re not sure what’s “sensual,” The Art of Sensual Massage is happy to provide some insight.

1. Parakeets are sensual. 

If you want to up the ante on your erotic massage experience, I would suggest you make like a Portlandia episode and put a bird on it. Parakeet, Toucan or Budgie – whatever you can get to sit on your naked shoulder while you massage your partner – just roll with it. Birds = very sensual.

2. Dolls are sensual. 

massage 1
For a sensual massage environment, make sure at least one creepy doll is watching you at all times.

3. Warm bodies are sensual. 

photo copy 4
Apparently Mr. Paisley knows what’s up.

4. No seriously, dolls are sensual.

massage 2
Note: for maximum sensuality, a minimum of two creepy dolls must be present at all times. Don’t worry, the parakeet won’t mind.

5. Moustaches are sensual. 

This comes as no surprise, as many people these days find men with facial hair  very attractive. However, judging by the photos in The Art of Sensual Massage, body hair of all kinds is encouraged. Whether you dig body hair or not, if you’re planning on staying true to the book, your pubic area should look like you’re wearing a pair of briefs made of fun fur. No exceptions!

6. Kitchen utensils are sensual. 

Tired of using your hands? Treat your partner’s body like a sensual batch of cookie dough that it is.

7. Heads are sensual. 

The Art of Sensual Massage is careful to point out the importance of giving and receiving good head – and by “good head” I mean what’s pictured above. Because who hasn’t come home from a long day at work and thought, “Geez, I just can’t wait to massage my partner’s face!”

However, the book also has this to say on the topic of head massage.

photo copy 3

8. Building your own massage room is sensual. 

Especially when it includes lots of ferns. In fact, try and squeeze in as many ferns as possible and maybe a fur rug if you have one. You want this place to look and feel like a cross between a Rainforest Cafe and Burt Reynold’s living room. Make sure you hire the guy who drew the Ziggy cartoons to sketch your plans.

The book also suggests, “once you have set aside a room for massage you can install infra-red lights to warm your partner. A five minute exposure on each side of the body at the beginning and end of a massage spreads a deliciously penetrating warmth throughout the entire body.” Hmm, I guess this is what they mean by “we’re all warm”?

As Joe the Intern notes, “This whole heating up your partner thing kind of concerns me.” Me too, Joe. Me too.

9. Taking it outside is sensual. 

Have you tried any of this stuff outside? Because according to the book, you should. The Art of Sensual Massage recommends, “Your partner needs to rest on a level surface. It’s easy to create one on a warm beach or a grassy field.

Gotcha. My only question is where do I put my heat lamps and ferns?

10. Large cats are sensual.

photo copy 3
Because why else would this random cat drawing appear on the last page of the book?

Here at Skinny Dip HQ we’ve tested the tips & tricks presented in The Art of Sensual Massage with mixed results.

massage 3
So, there you have it. The Art of Sensual Massage in all it’s glory. Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a fern and a parakeet with my name on it.

Latest pins

Pinterest widget in section "Footer Full Width": Setup not complete. Please check the widget options.