What Do You Really, REALLY Want?

If the title of this post sounds a bit like a Spice Girls song it’s because I’ve had “Wannabe” stuck in my head for a week. Do you remember the Spice Girls? As far as pop groups go, they were pretty cool. They were all about “Girl Power” & taking control of your life while in perilously high platform sneakers. Anyways…

I’ve learned over the past few months that in order to fully take control of your life you need to listen to yourself. Slow down, tune in and listen. What do you really want? What is your heart telling you to do?

After the big break-up at the end of October, I came to BC to stay with my parents. I arrived on November 15th with the plan to stay for 6 weeks and return after Christmas. As you’ve probably noticed from my posts: I’M STILL HERE. Oh and it’s what…March?! Sometimes things just don’t go as planned.

While I’ve been here I’ve spent many evenings sitting at the kitchen table, pouring out my heart to my Mom, trying to figure out what to do next. Really, I was just afraid to listen to what I really wanted. Because listening to what you really want can lead to making big decisions and taking risks which, while exciting, can also be scary. When I finally “tuned in”  and really listened to my heart, this is what it said loud and clear:

{I love this photo via GalaDarling.com}

I don’t want to be in Toronto.

If I really wanted to be there, I would have gone back months ago.

So what do I really, really want?

I want to write.

I want to travel.

I want to be somewhere peaceful.

I want to spend more time with my family & watching my best-friend’s daughter (who recently started calling me “Auntie Mone”) grow up.

These are the things I want. Right now.

The reality is, it’s easier to make these things happen if I am in BC. In theory, I could go back to Toronto and do all the things I feel like people expect me to do (get another well paying job in communications, work hard for an expensive apartment, interact in the large social circle I’ve spent 12 years building up, date, settle down) but I know if I did, it wouldn’t be long before I’d end up feeling just as restless and frustrated as I did before. So, I’m taking a break from Toronto. I know I’m going to miss my friends and the city but, at the same time I’m relieved to have a change of pace. It’s not for forever, it’s just what I need right now.

I’m going back to Toronto later this week for 1o days to visit & put my things in storage. Then, I’m a free agent! No attachments or commitments other than a storage locker. Adventures, here I come!

It’s funny, deep down I know this is what I wanted for a very long time. I’m glad I finally had the courage to tune in.

By the way, if you know me in real life and this is the first time you’re hearing of this, I apologize. I tried to email everyone individually but there has just been a lot of details to organize and if I missed you, I’m sorry. Please feel free to email me if you have questions! xox

What do you really, really want?

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