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This is What Happens When You Date Me

The other day I was downtown shopping, taking my new pair of mint colored J-Brand jeans for a test drive, when I looked at my phone and noticed there was a missed call from Handsome Guy  (we’ve been speaking regularly ever since I got back to BC). When I called him later that evening he said:

“I have a funny story for you Simone”

As you may remember, when Handsome Guy and I arrived at the airport so I could catch my flight to BC, we discovered that my two suitcases were massively overweight. We had to remove a bunch of stuff just so that I’d be able to check my bags. Being the stand-up kind of guy that he is, Handsome Guy agreed to take everything home, pack it all up and ship it out to me so that I wouldn’t be without “daily essentials” like my summer wedge sandals, my Veronica Mars DVD box sets and my favorite sex toys (including my rabbit vibrator, the Fonz & the Sienna Symphony – my favorite  G-spot vibrators and the infamous Lelo Ella aka “Super Dildo”)  It’s clear that even though we are still getting to know each other, this guy knows me well. 

Here’s the story as Handsome Guy explained it to me:

The other day when he was getting ready to leave the house & drop my things off to be shipped, he heard his phone vibrate. However, when he put down the box to check his phone he realized that the vibrations weren’t coming from his pocket, they were coming from the box. “That’s weird” he thought. He picked up the box and that’s when he felt the vibration again. What the hell? Was it possible that he had dropped his phone inside the box when he was packing it and now someone was trying to get in touch with him?! In a panic, Handsome Guy opened the box and began to tear the contents apart in search of whatever was making the noise.

At this point in the story I started to giggle uncontrollably.

“Oh, god! It was my adult toys right?!”

As it turns out, several of my favorite vibrators had decided to all start vibrating their little hearts out as some kind of weird send-off to Toronto.

“I’m sorry about that. That box basically contained a mini sex shop. However, I swore I removed all the batteries before I packed them away”

“I guess you didn’t because those things were definitely active. Don’t worry – I eventually managed to “deactivate” everything & turn them off”

“Oh crap. My Lelo Mona vibrator is in there. It doesn’t run on batteries. It’s like a cell phone and has it’s own charger. With a full charge that thing can vibrate for 4 hours or something. It’s crazy.”

“Wow, so basically it will be vibrating all the way to Winnipeg”

“Pretty much. That thing is nuts. I love my Lelo Mona

“Well, you don’t have to worry. Your lovely vibrating box is packed tight and is coming soon”

“Wow. That really doesn’t sound good”

“Nope. It really doesn’t”

“I think I need to blog about this”


LESSON TO BE LEARNED:  Ladies, always remember to remove the batteries from your sex toys (or let them charge down to zero) before you attempt to travel or have your new love interest send them cross country. Otherwise, you risk receiving a note like this from a TSA agent:

Vibrating suitcase = pervy note. I was not the recipient of this note however, I kind of wish I was just so I could take credit for story. 


This post was sponsored by EdenFantasys. I received a gift certificate to help fund my on-going addiction to luxury vibrators in exchange for this post. All opinions and awkward situations are my own. 

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