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The One Where I take a Baby to Hooters

I’m in Edmonton, Ab. I’ve been here a few days visiting my best friend and her angel-faced baby daughter. You know those times when you just desperately need to leave town?! This was one of them. So I am here in the land of big steaks & big malls & even bigger monster trucks…and it has been lovely.

Things that have happened so far:

+ I went to a mall that has its very own Pirate ship, Waterpark, Rollercoaster, Gun Range (giving a whole new spin to the term “MALL SHOOTING”) and ice-rink…because what fun would it be to go shooting stuff and not be able to go skating afterward…

+ I took a newborn into Hooters…for lunch. I feel like there should be some crazy train-wreck-blog-worthy story about this but sadly there isn’t. We kind of went in there with the expectation that something interesting would happen but it didn’t. The whole lunch seemed strangely “normal” (which in itself is weird). I even noticed a few other families in there (WTF? Oh right. Sorry, Hooters IS a “family restaurant” apparently. That’s why they sell stuff like this).

+I’ve totally fallen in love with my BFF’s baby. She is the cutest little human I’ve ever met. I’ve realized that there isn’t anything better than baby smiles. I’m on a baby smile high. They are absolutely the best way to start your morning.

Here are a few other things I’ve learned about babies over the past few days. I’ll call this “Baby 101”

+ They seem to frequently spew liquids from both ends, at the most inopertune moments. A day with a newborn involves more outfit changes than a Lady Gaga concert.

+ Baby emotions are a bit...bipolar. One minute they’re laughing. The next they’re crying. Then chewing on their clothing. Then puking. Then laughing again. It kind of reminds me of being at a highschool party and you’re sitting at the kitchen table talking to “Crying Drunk Girl” (c’mon we’ve all been at a party with Crying Drunk Girl…or god forbid, been Crying Drunk Girl). One minute she’s talking about how much she loves Tommy McIntyre (or some other dude on the football team) the next minute she’s in tears, in the backyard threatening to jump off the roof while everyone is tries to stage an intervention. It’s kind of like this except babies don’t have mascara running down their faces & they’re so cute and innocent that you have to cut them some slack.

+ Strollers aren’t just strollers. They’re like these crazy mobile storage units that you can take everywhere you go. If you’ve hung out with me in real life and have actually seen what I carry around with me in my purse you know that I’m a bit of a pack-rat. A friend of mine nicknamed me Mary Poppins, because I always carried a purse that magically contained all kinds of weird crap (Bandaids? Check! 5 different shades of lipgloss? Check! A mini-medicine cabinet of every cold/sinus/pain/allergy pill available? Check! Dog-eared back-issue of FAB magazine from 1999. Check!). Strollers aren’t just great for carrying around babies, you can also use them to carry your overstuffed bag, your purchases, a change of clothing, SNACKS, they even have cup-holders. CUP-HOLDERS. This is all music to the ears for a neurotic person like me who always carries around too much stuff & is chronically hungry/thirsty whenever I’m shopping.

+They make lots of weird stuff for babies that just doesn’ make any sense AT. ALL. Like these “Jean Diapers”. I feel like this the scary equivalent of jeggings for the un-toilet-trained set.

Please tell me I’m not the only one who finds this a bit weird?!

+ Over the past few days I’ve been spit up on, puked on, and accidentally kicked in the boob a couple of times….and its been awesome. I’ve also been felt up by a woman. This had nothing to do with the baby (I had a very scary woman practically give me a breast exam while trying to get through airport security Thursday morning) and it was less than awesome. But, back to the baby…I’ve learned that I’m not scared of babies. I can hold a baby and make it smile. I can comfort a baby and make her stop crying. Someday I know I will be good at this. I will be a good Mom. In the meantime I am going to enjoy being an auntie.

How has everyone’s week been?


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