Nobody is Perfect. Not Even Barbie & Ken.

If you’ve been following my Instagram, you have probably noticed that for the past few weekends I’ve been attending Sleepytown’s local flea market, helping my Mom with her vintage clothing and jewelry business. The flea market is an interesting place full of bizarre finds and quirky, colourful characters selling their wares. One of my favourite sellers is an older lady who sells vintage toys. Thanks to her, Joe the Intern with has had new “friends” arriving at Skinny Dip headquarters on a weekly basis.

I was purchasing this guy from her last week when she said to me, “You know, I’ve always thought Ken was kind of gay.” Considering this was coming from a white haired, 70-something grandma type, I had to laugh. I  agreed with her and we spent the next 10 minutes having a very frank and hilarious conversation about men, sexuality and Ken dolls…at the flea market.

When I came home, I told the story to my Mom. A few days later she called me to tell me about this article that she’d stumbled across in the Georgia Straight, our local alternative newspaper.

Vancouver based photographer extraordinaire Dina Goldstein – the artist behind 2009’s Fallen Princesses series (Snow White as weary housewife or Pocahontas as lonely cat lady, anyone?) has turned her skewed lens on iconic couple, Barbie and Ken, in a collection of 10 images titled In the Dollhouse.

Inspired by the traditional gender rolls she saw her daughters reproduce while playing with the dolls, Goldstein decided to take a closer look at the famous dolls, and became convinced that Ken was definitely not a ladies’ man. As she told the Georgia Straight, “Mattel has totally, I think, emasculated him. It’s like, come on… I started playing with dolls in my head, and started thinking that this marriage [with Barbie] has been imposed on him, and now he’s just breaking free and breaking loose, and finding his authentic self.”

Created over 30 days and shot in a purpose built set located in a former art gallery, the series follows the marital breakdown of the world’s most famous set of dolls, depicted by human models. The photos are pretty amazing, which is why I’m sharing them with you today.

Ken and Barbie reading in Bed. It’s OK Ken, those “O” relationship stories get to me too.

Barbie, I feel you. It’s never a good feeling when you’re half naked and your partner is more interested in his hair dryer than what’s under your monogrammed towel.

The subconscious is a murky place. Both Ken and Barbie dream of a moustachioed GI Joe.

Tea time is totally awkward when your beloved insists on wearing your favourite pair of bright pink pumps. The look on Barbie’s face says it all.

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Review & Giveaway | Three Months of Pleasure From Lucky Bloke

For those of you who weren’t already aware of this, for the past six months I’ve had the pleasure of being the social media manager over at condom company extraordinaire, Lucky Bloke. You may remember Lucky Bloke from that time I made Skinny Dip Condoms – they were the lovely people who supplied those yummy smelling strawberry condoms that helped make this dream a reality. A few months later, I met Lucky Bloke’s CEO Melissa at Bloggers in Sin City 2012. We instantly hit it off and have been working together ever since.

Lucky-bloke-condoms

People always ask me (cough. cough. my Mom. cough. cough.) what it’s like working for a company that sells condoms. To be honest, it’s great. Lucky Bloke is all about pleasure, safety and giving back to social causes. They’re on a mission to help people have amazing sex with condoms (yes, you read right!) through premium products, education and promoting healthy sexuality. They also give a portion of each sale to pressing social issues. It’s really nice to work with a company whose values are very much in line with mine.

Working with Lucky Bloke I’ve actually learned a lot about condoms, lube and safer sex. Here’s a few things that I think everyone should know about condoms & lube –

Condoms are not one-size-fits all. Condoms actually come in three distinctly different sizes – small, medium and large. Furthermore, not all condoms are created equal – and while we’re all taught to USE condoms, we’re never taught how to CHOOSE condoms. (As someone who has spent time in the condom aisle feeling bewildered at all the different choices, I know this to be true.)

A lot of people who hate using condoms are simply using the wrong size. To figure out you or your partner’s correct size, here is a fun & easy guide for condom sizing. It makes sense – would you buy a pair of shoes that were one-size-fits-all?! Of course not! Besides, as Cher from Clueless says about shoes, “Those only go on your feet!” The worst condom for one person, may be the best condom for someone else.

To help people find the condoms & lube they love, Lucky Bloke has created a line of sampler packs that feature some of the world’s best condoms and lubricants. If you’re not sure what size condom you need, they even have a Perfect Fit Sampler that comes with a variety of different sizes for you to try. Instead of buying a whole box of condoms that you may love or hate, the samplers allow you to try a bunch of different condoms or lube so you can find the perfect products for you.

Explore the thinnest condoms available from Japan; a tasty line of vegan and organic flavored condoms from Australia; condoms that vary from glow-in-the-dark to ribbed AND studded from North America; as well as the very best from Europe. Each condom and lube sampler is comprised of the top rated picks in its category and comes in an elegant clear plastic box.

(FYI, once you try the condoms that Lucky Bloke offers, you’ll never go back to most drugstore brands. The Glyde Strawberry Condom aka the “Skinny Dip Condom” has received very favourable reviews. Ahem.)

Because I am currently not in need of condoms, Melissa kindly sent me Lucky Bloke’s Ultimate Lube Sampler to test out. The Ultimate Lube sampler includes some of the sexiest lubes out there. From water-based, silicone based (and hybrids, of course!) to arousing, flavoured and stimulating — the lube sampler features a variety of premium, best selling formulas.

My sampler included 12 different premium lubes from brands like One, Sliquid, Uberlube, Good Clean Love, Wet, Please Cream and Pjur. I originally had 12 lube packets, but ended up using two (d’oh!) so, that’s why there are only 10 small lube packets in the photo. Luckily Melissa also sent me two jumbo samples of Good Clean Love that I have included in the photo as stand-ins for the missing lubes.

As someone who is really sensitive to products and additives, I love that none of these lubes irritated me and that many of them included  organic, natural ingredients. If I had to pick a favourite, I’d have to say the Good Clean Love “Almost Naked.” It’s a great lube for sensitive people like myself and has a very delicate vanilla and orange blossom scent. Other faves include anything from Sliquid and the Please Cream – a light, creamy lubricant that feels fantastic.

It was fun having so many different lube options to try and was surprised by how many I really enjoyed.  I also love that everything is in small, single use packages that are perfect for throwing in your purse or sleepover kit along with condoms (without having to worry about bringing a large bottle with you that could potentially leak all over.)

I’m totally in love with Lucky Bloke and I want you to be too. That’s why I’d like to give one reader the chance to try three different samplers – one per month, for the next three months. The winner can mix things up (i.e. two condom samplers and one lube.)  Not currently using condoms?!  If you use toys or have sex at all, I strongly recommend the lube samplers! Seriously, lube makes everything better.

If you’re ready to take your sex life up a notch over the next three months, you just need to leave a comment on this post letting me know that you’d like to win. Bonus points can be earned by following the prompts below –
a Rafflecopter giveaway

Contest runs until Thursday November 7th when I’ll pick a winner at random.

Good Luck!

Yours in pleasure & safety,

S.

Dickbombing is the New Hello

I finally got Dickbombed the other night.

I’d never even the heard the term “Dickbombing” until a fateful night in Vegas when I was having dinner with all the bloggers at the Paris hotel. Since I was sitting at a different table, I’m not exactly sure of the sequence of events – just that Maxie sent someone a photo of (what I believe was) an animated gif of a penis and then someone else blurted out, “You’ve been dickbombed!” and it stuck. “Dickbombing” became part of my vocabulary. Thanks Bloggers in Sin City!

I’m no stranger to the fact that people send photos of penises to each other. I’ve just never experienced a proper digital dick-bombing first hand or had a catchy phrase to go along with it. Considering a lot of these penis photos are “surprise attacks” dickbombing seems like a much better term than “cock shot.”

Unlike yours truly, I suspect the Queen of Pop is well versed in the art of dickbombing.

According to Dickbombing.comAnyone can Dick Bomb! Dick Bombing is a very inclusive activity with no prejudice against sex or race. Men and women alike can Dick Bomb! School teachers and policemen can Dick Bomb! Waitresses and homeless people can Dick Bomb! Grandmas and uncles can Dick Bomb! Pagans and priests can Dick Bomb! Anyone can Dick Bomb!”

So yes, all you need is a phone, photos of a penis and a dream.

Although I have done many things with the opposite sex, I’ve never electronically sent and/or received a photo of someone’s junk – until now. Why is this a big deal you ask? Because, if you talk to anyone in the dating world these days, Dickbombing is like the new hello. Before I started dating again, I can’t count how many stories I read on other dating blogs that went something like, “I was chatting with this totally hot guy. We agreed to go get pizza sometime, then he sent me a photo of his dick.” Ok, so maybe’s it’s not the new hello, maybe the people writing these blog posts are just dating creeps, but it is a thing. There’s even a Jack in the Box commercial that spoofs the act of dickbombing.

Once again, I suspect Madonna enjoys a good dickbomb every now and then....

It’s a sign of the times. Now that almost everyone has a smartphone (or at the very least, a phone with a camera), people are swapping photos of their genitals with a frequency and ease, unmatched in history. As we speak, cellphone towers are likely transmitting iPhone sized images of penises, in all directions, all across the world. It’s quite incredible.

Under the impression that there are photos of penises lurking everywhere, I assumed when I re-entered the dating scene that I’d encounter some digital dicks of my own – likely, sooner rather than later. However, this hasn’t been the case at all. The men I encountered during my brief foray into online dating seemed way more interested in showing me photos of their boats & seafood they’d caught, than their genitalia – which is probably a good thing.

When I mentioned this to a friend, her response was:

“Really?! I feel like you’re the kind of person who’d get photos of dicks sent to them all the time. Why hasn’t this happened yet?!”

“I know, right?”

Your guess is as good as mine.

...and can you blame her?

When I first started dating again this fall, I was texting with this guy I was seeing at the time. He sent me a message asking if I’d send him a “pic” of myself. I decided to play it safe and send him the headshot I use as my Facebook photo. As I pressed send I thought, THIS IS IT. IT’S HAPPENING. HE’S TOTALLY GOING TO SEND ME A PHOTO OF HIS DICK.

However, much to my surprise he wrote back and said, “Nice! Thx, saved to phone”

Although I was relieved, it made me wonder “Where are all the dicks?!”

That is until the other night, when the thing I had been equally dreading and anticipating all this time, finally happened.

I looked at my phone and thought,

“Well, look at that!”

It could have been that I was looking at an exceptionally nice penis, or the fact that I am quite fond of it’s owner, but it was actually kind of a nice moment.

There in it’s slightly pixelated glory, was the penis – looking tall, proud and one might even say, sophisticated – like the kind of penis that might be known to drink scotch by a fireplace or wear a top-hat every now and then.

It was a flawless dickbombing if there ever was one.

Well, hello there.

However, what essentially made this dickbombing experience a positive one was the fact that it occurred between two consenting adults. No one likes to be surprised by a penis. Therefore, I stand by my belief that the same rules that apply to penises offline, apply to them online. In other words, contrary to what Dickbombing.com suggests, just because you can dickbomb, doesn’t mean you should. Showing your penis, or photos of other people’s penises to people who don’t want to see them is just creepy. Actually, to be on the safe side you should probably only show photos of your penis to people who have seen it in person and already given it the stamp of approval.

I think Joe the Intern sums it up quite nicely.

In other words, with great technology, comes great responsibility. Dickbomb wisely my friends.

Signed,

Dickbombing Virgin No More

Have you ever been Dickbombed?

 

Review | Getting Real with Nick Hawk Gigolo

*Disclaimer: Unless you want to get labelled as the office pervert, this post contains some photos that may be deemed inappropriate for work. 

You guys. There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a very long time. I’m hopelessly in love with the Showtime reality series Gigolos. If you haven’t seen it,  Gigolos provides an “extremely rare and uncensored look into the personal and professional lives of five hot guys in Vegas who like to hang out, have fun and get girls, but in their case they get paid for it.” Yes, Gigolos is a reality show about male escorts living in Sin City and it’s so horrible, it’s actually kind of amazing. It has everything you hope and wish for from reality TV: Sex, Cat-Fights, Spray-tans, blatant prostitution. What more could you ask for? It’s OK, you’re free to judge me all you want. My love for Gigolos is a personal shame I live with everyday.

Above is the gang from season 1-2: Jimmy (the sensitive one, who is undergoing an existential crisis), Vin (the laid back, token black dude who claims he’s a feminist), Steven (the single dad who I’m pretty sure is Gay), Brace (the orange guy who claims he’s in his 40’s but I suspect is actually 85 & lying to us) and of course my favourite – Nick, the cocky inked up guy with dreams of becoming a rapper. What did I tell you? IT’S REALITY TV GOLD. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

Questionable raps aside (you can watch his video here. OMG), Nick is pretty hot and I have a serious soft spot for dark haired guys with tattoos. If you read his bucket list, it’s strangely endearing and includes things like “see The Lion King on Broadway” and “own a wolf”. Don’t we all Nick, don’t we all. Anyway, the big news is that Nick recently launched his own line of sex toys.

When California Exotics asked me if I’d be interested in reviewing something from the Nick Hawk GIGOLO line as part of their Cal Exotics  Certified Sexpert Program, I couldn’t resist. The Nick Hawk GIGOLO line includes everything from vibrators, penis pumps and fuzzy handcuffs to a blow-up doll (ha!). As you may have noticed, most of the sex toys I review here tend to be very pretty, brightly coloured objects. For this review I wanted to try something completely different, which is how I ended up with the Nick Hawk GIGOLO Genuine Cast Dildo.

Warning: NSFW Photos after the jump.

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When Bad Sex Happens to Good People

Being single and having sex in your 30’s can be weird.

On one hand, your hormones are raging and you want to have as much sex as possible. However, after a decade of bad decisions in your 20’s you’re now way more selective about who you get naked with.

As I was telling a friend of mine the other day, “Most days I want to have sex with everyone and no one, all at the same time.”

It’s confusing.

As a 30-something, it’s likely you’re way more comfortable in your own skin and what works for you in the bedroom. Added to that, it seems like every magazine article written about women in their 30’s never fails to point out that you’re in your “sexual peak” (whatever that means.) In theory, you should be having the best sex of your life thus far – right?! As I’ve discovered, this isn’t necessarily the case.

People assume that because I’m a sex & relationship blogger that I must be having the hottest, steamiest, kinkiest sex, all the time. However, when I first started to date again following the big break-up in 2011, I had a string of awkward, bumbling, just plain bad, sexual encounters. Coming from a 6.5 year relationship where my partner knew my body almost as good as his own, I knew I was spoiled. However, I was totally not prepared when my love life turned into a living, breathing (panting?) version of this e-card.

girls-hbo-lena-dunham-sex-relationships-tv-ecards-someecards

Luckily, it seems as though the curse of bad sex has been broken (woo hoo!). However, for awhile I was getting worried. Up until very recently, I’ve been avoiding all contact with the opposite sex, for the sole reason that I just can’t bear to add another item to my growing list of “bad sex” stories (situations I thought I had outgrown when I bid my twenties farewell.)

Everyone weighs the importance of sex in a relationship differently. Having dated several people over the years with whom I didn’t have the greatest sexual chemistry with (but who were good people), I’ve come to the conclusion that a strong physical connection is really, really important to me. I even wrote a column for the Toronto Sun about whether bad sex is reason enough to break up (my answer: yes, yes, a thousand times yes!)

So, what exactly qualifies as “bad sex”?

Well, that’s really different for everyone. Personally, after extensive research in the field throughout my 20’s and 30’s (and some preliminary research in high-school) I’ve come to the conclusion that what I consider “bad sex” usually falls into one (or several) of the following categories. Let me know if any of these sound familiar:

1. “The Guitar Solo” – Really great sex is like music: there’s a give & take between the different instruments, crescendos, melody and a good use of rhythm. “The Guitar Solo” basically takes all of those principles and blows them straight to hell. It’s a one person performance that usually involves spastic movements reminiscent of an energizer bunny on meth, bizarre vocalizations (“Fuck Yeah! Score! Touchdown!”) and perhaps even some rodeo-style arm movements. Yee haw! When it comes to guitar solos, the second guy I slept with was a regular Jimmy Page. FYI, in my experience, the most prolific “soloists” usually have a sex face that looks like Steven Tyler having a seizure.

2. “Let’s Not Make Eye-Contact” sex – What’s the deal with people not wanting to make eye-contact during sex?! Do women do this too? I’ve slept with a couple of guys who seemed to only want to have sex in facially obscuring positions. I don’t mind a bit of doggy-style action, but if we’re having sex and it’s been 45 minutes since I’ve seen your face, that’s a problem. What’s even worse is when you try and make eye-contact and the person dodges you, looking away. It gets to the point where it feels like you’re in the sexual equivalent of a Larry David style stare-down. Make eye-contact with me! I DARE YOU.

(And yes, there really is a Larry David gif for every life situation)

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