Online Dating Archives

A few weeks ago I was in Los Angeles, alone with no plans on a Tuesday night. When I checked the movie app on my phone and saw that a screening of Purple Rain was playing at LA Live, I bought a ticket without thinking twice. A few hours later I was sitting in the dark with my fellow Prince fans, watching the late, great, Purple One come alive on screen. We sang along, laughed in unison at the awkward moments and some of us even danced in the aisles. My Mom and I are big Prince fans, so his passing ten days earlier hit us hard. But, that night I felt pure joy and gratitude – like all of us were in this together.

For those of you who haven’t seen the movie, Purple Rain follows “The Kid” (Prince) a young, talented musician, tormented by an abusive situation at home. When The Kid meets Apollonia, a beautiful, aspiring singer, he has to contend with a burgeoning romance, a rival singer and his own personal demons. The movie itself is a bit goofy (it was made in 1984 so there’s a lot of eye-liner and stilted dialogue) but the musical performances are utterly flawless. As a cultural artifact, it’s a beautiful thing.

Originally I planned on writing about how Prince’s music has affected my life – how songs like Little Red Corvette provided the soundtrack to my sexual awakening and how seeing him live for the first time in 2011 made me believe in the healing and transcendent power of music – but, I’ve already covered that ground. So, I’ll say this –

Ladies and gents, we need to talk about Purple Rain.

Watching Purple Rain again as a sex and relationship writer, I couldn’t help but remark on some of the important things the film can teach us about modern love and dating. So, in an effort to keep things light, here’s a few of my favourites.

1. No one likes a lurker.

Well, unless that lurker is Prince. Generally, I would say that lurking awkwardly behind a woman, wearing sunglasses in a darkened night club is not a good move. Neither is disappearing into thin air as soon as she turns around and says, “I really liked your song too.” But, Prince makes it work.

In fact, there are a lot of dating moves in Purple Rain that are a bad idea, like stealing a woman’s jewelry or having sex in a room filled with clown dolls (Don’t worry – I’ll get to that in a minute.) But, what you need to understand is that different rules apply to Prince.

Because, Prince is magic.

2. Eye Contact is everything.

Before there was Facebook, Tinder and sites like flirtfair.ca, singles relied on smoky bars like First Avenue, awesome guitar solos and eye-contact to impress the opposite sex. Lots and lots of eye-contact. Prince is king of the sex stare. The way he looks at Apollonia is so direct it’s almost unsettling, but it lures her (and us) in anyways.

FYI, I attribute Prince’s sex stare to why I spent most of my twenties serially dating really intense dudes with big brown eyes.

3. Beware of men who play with puppets.

Although Prince’s vampire mini-me is kind of adorable, there’s something a bit creepy about guys who use puppets to express their feelings (pro-tip: I wouldn’t recommend adding “ventriloquism” to your Tinder profile.) But, because it’s Prince we also let this one slide. Just remember – you’ve been warned.

4. If a guy asks you to “pass an initiation” and “purify yourself in Lake Minnetonka”- keep your clothes on.

Take it from Apollonia – it’s never the right lake. Also, when your boyfriend drives off on his purple motorcycle and you’re left naked, without a towel, it’s a real bitch getting back into your leather pants.

5. Stay away from Morris Day (&/or guys like him.)

Sure, Morris Day is really good at dancing “The Bird” and manages to keep his light coloured suits really clean despite spending most of his working hours in a bar, but his character in Purple Rain is bad news. First of all, he has some of the best/worst/creepiest pick up lines ever.

For example, “Your lips would make a lollipop too happy” (shudder) and everyone’s favourite, “I have a brass waterbed.” Morris, that doesn’t even make any sense, but if I had to visualize your bedroom it would look something like this. (photo credit)

In addition to mentioning his bedroom furniture, Morris also tells Apollonia, “I’m going to make you love me” which, he attempts to do by opening his white coat and repeatedly thrusting his pelvis while making bird noises in a darkened alleyway.

You know, all totally normal stuff men do to attract beautiful women. I think Apollonia’s expression says it all.

Failure to stay away from dudes like Morris means that you may find yourself cornered by a pelvic thrusting lothario or literally, thrown in a dumpster. However, unlike in the movie, a guy in high heels won’t show up on his purple motorcycle to save you.

Instead, it’s all about the strategic nipple flash.

If only Morris Day knew. If you feel like you’re losing your girl, flash a nipple. It worked for Prince. However, it also doesn’t hurt if you sing a knee weakening rendition of Beautiful Ones while you flash said nipple. Now, if you’ll excuse me I need to go take a cold shower.

6. Closed mouth kissing is weird, dude.

My sister and I rarely see eye to eye, but when we watched Purple Rain for the first time together we were in agreement about one thing: “what is up with the kissing?” Prince is/was an incredibly sexy human being, but he kisses Apollonia like I used to make my Barbies kiss my lone Ken doll. I’d mash their permanently closed mouths together and move their heads around a bunch (probably because my only point of reference was Purple Rain.)

For the record, I’ve dated guys who wouldn’t open their mouths or relax their lips while kissing and it’s frustrating. I can’t help but watch this movie and think, “relax your lips” – especially since Prince’s lips are a work of art.

I want to believe the reason for this comes down to shyness. As a musician, maybe Prince was uncomfortable with the love scenes? But, then there’s the bed scene where Prince clearly gets a handful (and then some) of Apollonia (cue: cold shower #2) so, I don’t know.

In the words, of Prince, “Purple Rain, you make me so confused.”

7. Remove all clowns from your bedroom (Unless you’re into that. Then, carry on.)

We also need to talk about the clowns. Prince’s character in the movie lives in his parents’ basement. Inside his living space we see the following: music stuff, some pseudo Warhol-esque prints, canning supplies and clown dolls.

His movie bedroom kind of reminds me of the summer I spent dating our neighbourhood’s weed dealer – a guy who also had a finely honed sex stare, lived in a dingy basement suite and collected plush tigers (which, almost seems less creepy, but not really.) There was a period in the 80’s when these clown dolls weren’t considered totally terrifying. We are no longer living in that era. TLDR: if Bae’s apartment looks like a casting call for a miniature circus, run.

8. Parents give really grim dating advice.

When Prince’s movie Dad tells him, “never get married” my heart breaks a tiny bit – partly, because this is a really heart-wrenching moment in the film but also because I’ve heard similar advice from my own relatives. While they likely have good intentions, it can be incredibly disheartening to hear these kinds of things from our parents. It’s also important to keep in mind that none of us are destined to repeat their mistakes.

9. But, sometimes we repeat our parents mistakes anyways.

Sometimes we really are like our father/mother (too bold/never satisfied) and we end up repeating the same relationship patterns we witnessed growing up. This becomes abundantly clear when “The Kid” slaps his girlfriend and then struggles with his feelings during a montage set to When Doves Cry. But, here’s the thing – regardless of our past, we’re all capable of having healthy relationships. In order to get there though, we need to sort through our personal shit first. Whether that’s through an epic guitar solo or psychotherapy, we all have emotional baggage that we need to unpack.

10. Relationships are weird and wonderful.

If aliens were forced to watch Purple Rain, I’m pretty sure they’d think it was a weird movie – because it kind of is (remove all of Prince’s iconic musical performances, and you’re basically left with the plot line of a horror film where a socially inept dude lives in a basement, makes a lot of really intense eye contact and pops up places he’s not supposed to be.) But, for those of us who are familiar with Prince, watching Purple Rain is pure love. In fact, Purple Rain is a bit like any relationship. Moments of joy and beauty are interspersed with truly cringe worthy ones and shit you just can’t explain (like weird kissing, puffy shirts and clown doll collections) but that (for whatever reason) you adore anyways. We accept the imperfections, because taken as a whole, it’s magical.

Rest in Peace, Prince.

It’s been a busy few weeks of editing and putting the finishing touches on my first book (!!!) I’m so excited to be on the homestretch of this project – partly because it means that I can get back into blogging on a regular basis. Stay tuned, I tons of beautiful lingerie, sexy toy reviews and dating stories that I can’t wait to share with you guys!

In the meantime I thought I’d share some fun news: popular dating site Match.com just turned 20! If you’re thinking to yourself, “has it already been 20 years?!” – you’re not alone. If Match.com was a Canadian kid, they’d now be old enough to drink in all thirteen provinces and territories. To celebrate, I have some interesting facts to share about the evolution of online dating. For example, did you know….

Match.com pioneered the Internet dating industry, launching in 1995 and today serves millions of singles in 24 countries. Match.com continues to redefine the way single men and single women meet, flirt, date and fall in love.

Since it’s launch 20 years ago, more than 125 million people have joined the dating website. Match has created more than 10 million relationships and “made” more than 1 million babies. In the next 20 years, they estimate that the single population will nearly double and that 2 out of 3 relationships; with more than half of all marriages beginning online.

When Match.com asked me to share how I think online dating has changed over the years, one word came to mind: stigma. The stigma that was once associated with online dating has evaporated. In high school, one of my favourite TV shows was Mad TV. I remember spending many late nights babysitting laughing over sketches featuring the “Lowered Expectations” dating service. Although I’m pretty sure singles like Gena (“murder”) and Doreen are still lurking around online, finding love online is no longer considered merely as a last ditch stop for chronically rejected weirdos. Online dating isn’t the exception to the norm…it is the norm.

Although I often give online dating a hard time, I still think it’s a really great way to connect with people you might not have met otherwise. In fact, if you’re living and dating in a small town like I am, sometimes online dating is your best option.

Another thing that I think has changed even in the three years since I first tried online dating, is that everything is going mobile. Since it’s launch, more than 20 million people have used Match.com through their mobile device. For better or for worse, we’re living in a culture where finding a date or a life partner is as easy as swiping left or right while you’re in the line at Starbucks.

In honour of their 20th anniversary, Match.com decided to catch up with Bill and Freddi Straus, their very first success couple that met through the site. Bill and Freddi met online in 1995 and were married in 2000. Reading about how they got together you can’t help but think that they’re totally adorable.

When asked to describe her first date with Bill, Freddi says, “We emailed and spoke on the phone for about a week or so, then made a date for lunch at a local Chinese restaurant. He wanted to impress me so he ordered the lobster. When the check came, he was $5 short so he had to borrow it from me. As we walked out, he said he would like to see me again so he could give me my $5 back. We quickly planned our second date for Sunday.

I tried to cancel our second date after I decided to get a perm (bad decision), but he wouldn’t budge! When he came to pick me up for dinner, I greeted him at the door with a paper bag over my head with the eyes, nose and mouth cut out. He laughed and loved it and that was it! It was a done deal.”

Proof that sometimes the best love stories are spawned from an awkward beginning that includes borrowed money, a bad perm and a paper bag.

We also have our very own Match.com success story at Skinny Dip headquarters, which Joe the Intern has happily volunteered to share.

Happy birthday Match.com! Whether you’re looking for a partner who is 5’10” or 12″ tall, here’s to many more years of creating fantastic matches both big and small!

This post was kindly sponsored by Match.com. Thanks for supporting the brands that keep Skinny Dip going. All opinions are my own because that’s how I roll.

After living in Toronto for 12 years, you decide to move to Victoria, BC as a single 30-something.

With a population of about 300,000, Victoria isn’t exactly a small town yet, it manages to have a small town feel. Everyone knows everyone. After living in a city of 4 million people you find this both strange and comforting.

You spend the first year in Victoria mostly hanging out with your best friend and being an honorary senior citizen. However, you slowly start to make new friends. You start online dating. You make more friends. When you get frustrated by meeting the same 20 guys online, you ask your friends to set you up. You date a friend of a friend. You date another friend of a friend. You date another.

Although you prefer meeting people in person, you come to the conclusion that this whole “meeting people through common friends” thing has it’s drawbacks.

Namely, that some people don’t want to date you precisely because you have friends in common. When you ask a friend about his dating habits, he tells you that he likes to “date off the grid” – no small feat in a town like Victoria, where everyone is connected by one or two degrees of separation. (photo credit)

You ask him, “I’m kind of off the grid though, right?”

“Simone, you know 30% of the people I know. You are the Grid.”

In theory, we’d all be able to live within reasonable geographic proximity, date each other and still get along with minimal drama, like they do over at Seattle Grace Hospital. However, you quickly learn that this is a far cry from reality. In other words, life is not an ABC drama written by Shonda Rhimes. (image credit)

You have conversations that sound like this:

Ryan: “I can’t date you because you dated John.”

John: “I can’t date you because you dated my friend Ryan.”

You try and explain, “But Ryan and I never dated. He just sends me really weird photos of his penis, and I’m not sure why.”

However, it’s no use.

Meredith Grey and Olivia Pope don’t have to deal with this kind of bullshit. Why do you?

You try not to let this get you down until a guy tells you that he considers you “tainted” as a romantic prospect, because you briefly dated two people that he knows.

You’re single. You like dating. You like sex. However, sometimes dating in a small town can make you feel like you’re wearing a scarlet letter. You feel like a double standard is at play and you can’t help but wonder if things would be different if you were a man. Although you don’t regret leaving Toronto, you start to remember why you left this one horse town in the first place.

Sometimes this town can feel small. Too small. This hits home when you bump into Fitness Guy at your local Thrifty Foods. You figured it would happen eventually since he lives around the corner from the store, but you still have a heart attack when you see him and almost drop an armful of groceries. Apparently, your case of sexually transmitted awkwardness is still alive and well. (photo credit)

Instead of going to the other Thrifty Foods where you’d surely bump into your high school nemesis (or that other guy you hooked up with), you buy most of your groceries at the overpriced yuppie-ster bodega in your neighbourhood. Your skin looks great, but your wallet cries every time you fork over $12 for a package of organic lunch meat and a pear.

You go out for a beer with a guy that you meet on OKCupid, only to come home to find the following message from another guy.

This isn’t the first time this has happened. A few months ago you received a message that said, “I saw you walking through the Bay Center. Have you cut your hair? Maybe you noticed me, I was the guy in the red toque, eating an apple?” You haven’t met either of these guys in real life. Apparently, your online dating inbox has turned into Craigslist’s Missed Connections. (photo credit)

NOWHERE IS SAFE. I REPEAT, NOWHERE IS SAFE.

Despite it’s drawbacks, you realize that dating “off the grid” is even more terrifying than dating people in your social circle. You notice the small town vibe is getting to you when you catch yourself becoming unreasonably suspicious of anyone who doesn’t know at least one person you know (“How do you not know Ryan?! EVERYONE KNOWS RYAN! You know, the guy who sends people photos of his penis?”)

You really start to appreciate the grid when you go out on a few dates with a guy who literally has no friends – that is, except for a guy he met while buying a stereo at Best Buy who goes by the nickname “Rapey” (“He’s always telling his female coworkers that he’s going to rape them. It’s hilarious! You’re going to love this guy, Simone.”) Luckily, you never have the chance to meet “Rapey” because according to your date, he’s been missing for some time and may or may not be residing at your local mental hospital. True story. (photo credit)

With that said, you know something has to change with your love life when you find a photo on your friend’s Facebook and tell yourself, “I’ve seen far too many of these dudes penises.” (photo credit)

So, life in a small town didn’t turn out like the ABC drama of your choice, but you decide to lean into it anyways. In a moment of frustration, you contemplate channeling your inner Emily Thorne from Revenge, printing out the photo and crossing the faces out with a red marker. However, you suspect it will just incite lots of awkward questions when you have to explain to people who come over, “No, I don’t have a revenge plot in the works. These are just people I’ve banged in the past 3 years.”

Mostly though, you just laugh. You drink wine with your friends. You laugh some more.

When a girlfriend of yours drunkenly comments on how incestuous this town is (“Everyone in Victoria shares a few bedpost notches”) you don’t disagree.

Instead, you laugh and drink more wine. What else can you do?

After a weird December and calling it quits with my younger man friend, I decided to get back on the ol’ online dating horse and give OkCupid yet another shot. Since reentering the world of online dating, I’ve been on a few dates with nice people, been matched with someone I dated 15 years ago and had one guy ask me if I’d be interested in “sexually dominating him.” (When I politely delcined he got really offended and sent me a message that said “INTERESTING THAT YOU DON’T RESPOND TO ANY OF MY OTHER MESSAGES BUT RESPOND TO THIS ONE SO YOU CAN REJECT ME.”) So, in other words – just your average month on the beat.

No matter how long I stay away from online dating; the one thing that never changes are the photos. Oh, the photos. I can write a hundred of articles about the do’s and don’ts of online dating photos, and yet, truly terrible online dating photos prevail. I’m sure some of you are actually decent dudes (and that us ladies post our share of equally terrible pics), however you’re shooting yourself in the foot with all of these bizarre photos.

So, in an effort to remedy this problem, Joe the Intern and his friends have teamed up to provide 6 more photos that you need to delete from your online dating profile. FYI, these are all modelled after actual photos I came across on OK Cupid, February 26th, between 7:42pm-9:05pm.

Here’s something I like to call “Ok Cupid: Dead or Alive Edition.” Recently, I was matched with a guy whose only photo showed him sprawled limply over a bank of rocks, with a vacant, heavy lidded expression; his beer dangling limply from his hand. The photo was taken on the beach near where I grew up – an area I know well. The photo literally looks like he fell off a cliff and impaled himself on the rocky shore below. When I showed the photo to my friend, she leaned in then jolted back in surprise. “Is he OK, Simone?” she asked. FYI, this is not what you want women to say when they look through your online dating profile.

I get it – we live on the West Coast. The soulful, hanging out on the beach photo is about as ubiquitous as seasonal allergies – everyone and their dog has one or two. However, if you want to make these beach shots work in your favour, they can’t be awkward or look like something that a CSI team should be investigating.

Below, Trump has helped recreate another photo I stumbled across. The male subject in question was sprawled out on the beach, with his arm placed inexplicably behind his head in a way that looked like he had dislocated his elbow. His face was scrunched up in discomfort, while his armpit hair played centre stage. Once again, I have no idea why the person decided to include this photo, but there it was in all of it’s painfully uncomfortable glory. Awkwardness is contagious: if you look awkward, we feel awkward too. So, if you’re going to include a “chill beach pic” make sure you actually look, well, chill and that you have good posture. (photo credit)

Once again, most women are attracted to guys who look alive. We don’t want to see photos of you sleeping (?) on the couch, passed out on the floor or floating face down in a pool of water. You may think these shots are funny and whimsical, but to us, you just come across as lazy and not much fun. Along with some simple head shots, we like to see photos of you doing stuff that you’re into. Whether that’s brewing your own beer, hiking the Grand Canyon or playing hockey – almost anything is better than a photo that looks like a potential crime scene or something your friends took when they thought you were too drunk to notice. (photo credit)

So, this photo is still happening. If you want to be taken seriously, keep in mind that no good can come from the shirt grab photo. Joe the Intern’s army buddy wants you to know that it looks just as ridiculous when you do it. (photo credit)

Hey, you know what else I’m sick of seeing on OkCupid? Dead animals! To that dude who posted a photo of himself clasping the horns of a dead and bloodied elk – yes, I’m talking to you (and no, we won’t be going for coffee anytime soon.) You know what I find totally sexy? Photos of guys being nice to animals, not standing over their bloody carcasses. But you know, maybe that’s just me.

ARMPIT HAIR. There’s entirely too much of it online. Yes, we all have arm-pit hair. However, if you’re trying to make a good first impression online, you might want to avoid posting photos where it’s prominently displayed. Sure maybe some women like this (maybe? possibly? I don’t know?) however, personally I’d prefer to not see your armpits in intimate detail until we actually know each other. What would be better: A nice photo of your face, sans armpit foliage. (photo credit)

The other day I got matched with a family – at least that’s what can be assumed by the profile photo. The photo featured a man, a woman, two kids and a German Shepard. I assume that it’s the man’s profile, however considering he describes himself as “an easy going guy who loves long walks in the park” it could be the German Shepard. Who the heck knows. If these kinds of details are unclear, you’re doing it wrong. (photo credit)

So, to sum up:

-Alive is better than dead.

-A nice photo of your face > everything.

-Put your arms down.

The End.

{All photos taken by me, unless otherwise noted.}

What’s your online dating photo pet peeve?

Yoga Speed Dating: It’s a thing.

And it’s happening in Toronto.

If you’re sick of Tinder and OkCupid, tomorrow night Studio Blue Yoga is hosting it’s first ever I <3 Yoga Speed Dating event, Thursday February 26th from 7:30-9pm. Toronto singles will be stretching it out on yoga mats… together. With five minutes for each “date,” singles will do couples yoga poses like hand-holding seated twist or wide legged forward fold, giving them a chance to get up close and personal with a potential date. With more men and women turning to yoga for their physical and spiritual wellness, I <3 Yoga Speed Dating allows for two singles to touch, hold and breath together and see if there’s a spark and deep connection in a short amount of time.

“Yoga intensifies self-awareness of ones body, feelings and desires, and practicing with a partner increases ones trust, openness and sensuality,” says yogi and owner of Studio Blue, Jessica McIntyre. “It’s a great way for singles to get in touch with themselves and a partner. I’m excited to see sparks fly with some partner stretching, holding and joint poses. It will definitely bring a new meaning to a down-ward dog.”

Anyone who knows me is probably aware that I’m incredibly skeptical about new dating trends – especially ones that involve potentially touching other strangers. In fact, as soon as I read the phrase “joint poses,” my mind immediately jumped to this post I wrote years ago. So, naturally when Studio Blue got in touch with me I had some questions (mainly, “will I have to touch people?”)

Yesterday I had a chance to catch up with Jessica McIntyre, owner of Studio Blue and organizer of I <3 Yoga Speed Dating. Jessica was incredibly sweet & lovely. After chatting for a few minutes she managed to answer all of my questions and quell any anxieties I had about the possibility of looking for love on a yoga mat (in fact, I’m totally pumped to try I <3 Yoga Speed Dating next time I’m in Toronto!)

When I asked Jessica what inspired to her to create this event, she explained that typically February can be a really tough month for many people. Although it’s already Spring on the West Coast, in Toronto it’s still the dead of winter, which can feel very “blah” (having lived through 12 winters in Toronto, I can attest to that.) Since Studio Blue did a couples event on February 14th, they wanted to do something fun for their single clientele. Hence, I <3 Yoga was born.

So, how does it work? The evening starts by enjoying a glass of champagne (YES!) which is then followed by some solo yoga practice to allow everyone to get warmed up and comfortable. Mats are lined up in two rows, facing each other – men on one side, ladies on the other. The teachers then demonstrate the poses and each couple has a chance to try them while they connect. Each “date” lasts 5 minutes.The men rotate from mat to mat, while the women stay put.

When asked how much physical contact is involved (because, the photo at the top of this post seems pretty full contact!) Jessica was careful to point out that you’re never required to touch your partner – unless that’s something you’re both comfortable doing. The teachers will demonstrate a variety of poses with different variations to suit all comfort levels so that you always have options.

Yoga speed dating is then followed by a “mix and mingle” from 8:30-9pm with light refreshments (more champagne!) so that singles connect some more.

As Jessica points out, “It’s meant to be a fun and light event that provides a different way to meet people.” After all, Studio Blue’s mantra is “practice playfully.” With regular classes like “Hangover Helper” “Hip Hop Yoga” and “Yoga Ballet Fusion,” Studio Blue aims to offer classes that are playful, welcoming and vigorous. Creating a vibrant community is also really important to Jessica. As she shared, “I want to create a safe space for women, where they can connect and feel less alone” – a statement I can definitely relate to. I <3 Yoga is just a small part of that.

While Jessica didn’t meet her boyfriend on a yoga mat, they do enjoy practicing together on a regular basis 🙂

Maybe living on the yoga-obsessed West Coast is finally getting to me, but I actually think Yoga Speed Dating sounds like fun. If I’ve learned anything over the past few months, it’s that while online dating is all fine and dandy, nothing beats the rush you get from meeting someone in person. Considering I logged on to OkCupid last night and saw the same 20 guys that are always on there, switching up my dating strategy sounds pretty appealing right now. Besides, doing Yoga feels good – even Joe the Intern is onboard.

“After a long week of interning, I really look forward to my candlelit yoga sessions with my girlfriend Milly. It’s a great way to connect as a couple. Last night we reached a meditative state together.” – Joe the Intern.

If you’d like to give I <3 Yoga Speed Dating a try, here are the details:

WHAT: I <3 yoga, Studio Blue’s Yoga Speed Dating. Toronto singles between 22-35 will be meeting on the yoga mats to do couples poses. All levels welcome! To register visit www.studioblue.co.

WHEN: Thursday, February 26 from 7:30-9pm with “mix & mingle” from 8:30-9pm.

WHERE: Studio Blue Yoga and Fitness at 1457 Dundas St West (Dundas and Dufferin)

WHO: Toronto singles between 22-35 years of age will enjoy Yoga Speed Dating with Jessica McIntyre, yogi and owner of Studio Blue Yoga & Fitness.

Would you try Yoga Speed Dating?

I Would Die 4 U: 10 Dating Lessons From Prince’s Purple Rain