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Things You’ll Learn About Love & Sex at 33

When it comes to love and sex, being 33 is both totally weird and awesome.

On one hand, your hormones are raging and you want to have as much sex as possible. However, after a decade of bad decisions in your 20′s you’re now way more selective about who you sleep with…well, sort of. Most days you want to have sex with everyone and no one all at all the same time.

You’ll tell yourself that marriage isn’t really on your mind, but that it would be nice to meet someone that you could actually settle down with. However, some days you’ll catch yourself saying stuff like,  “At this point I don’t even care about finding ONE, I’d be happy to meet someone who is nice and reasonably normal that I can have regular, good, sex with.”

(gorgeous photo found via Keiko Lynn)

Your Pinterest account reveals your true feelings though. Amongst boards devoted to home decor, lingerie and whimsical vintage imagery, lurks one called “Creepy Imaginary Wedding” where you pin to your hearts content all things nuptial related. For someone who is always saying she isn’t even sure whether she believes in marriage, you sure do know what you want. (FYI, you’re thinking a classic, old school Hollywood vibe, bright fuchsia flower arrangments, a modern multi-cultural menu, somewhere like the Ace Hotel in Palm Springs. It will be hip and quirky, but still very classic and you’ll wear something Reem Accra or Elie Saab -ish obviously. Your groom will look elegant and handsome and won’t be wearing wrap-around sunglasses)

You spend more time than you’d like to admit wondering what your future dates will find more off-putting: The Creepy Imaginary Wedding, your professional relationship with Joe the Intern or the fact that you write about your vagina on the internet. You decide to stop worrying about it and instead just own it. After all, someone who doesn’t accept you for who you really are isn’t worth your time.

You’ll have good sex, “Okay-ish” sex and sex that is so bad it’s comical. More often than not you’ll have sex with yourself. You’ll come to the conclusion that you can go without sex for a long time, however going without an orgasm is another story. Your collection of sex toys will grow exponentially to the point where you start to run into storage issues.

When you get the urge for actual human contact, you’ll date people.

You’ll meet a 40-something single dad, whom your attraction to defies logic. However, when you go to have sex, you’ll be reminded that some people will use ridiculous excuses to get out of using condoms. He’ll insist that instead of using a condom, you should “just trust him.” This will also remind you of something you learned in your 20’s: that anyone who uses the line “just trust me!” should absolutely not be trusted. Later you watch an episode of Portlandia and determine that this guy must liken himself to be some sort of “pull out king” – albeit, a rather unsuccessful one: he has three kids.

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10 Things I’ve Learned About Love From “How I Met Your Mother”

A modified version of this post originally appeared on We Love Dates.

It’s no secret that I love How I Met Your Mother – in fact, rarely a day has gone by over the past 9 years when I haven’t quoted or referred to the show in conversation. Yes, I’m that friend. Trust me, between that and my 30 Rock references, it drives most people crazy. With only one final episode left before we say farewell to the show on March 31st, I’ve already begun preparing myself (as I’m sure many of you have) for major withdrawal symptoms. In fact, I have the second to last episode loaded on my computer ready to watch but I can’t yet because, well, it’s the second to last episode. Although I’m excited to see how everything wraps up, I’m not ready to say goodbye to this show. I probably never will be. There’s just so much about life, love and friendship that HIMYM just gets.

So, before we say goodbye and use ALL THE TISSUES in the world, here are a few of my favourite lessons about life & love from Ted, Robin, Lily, Marshall, Barney & the gang.

1. Too much compromise is never a good thing – Every relationship requires some level of compromise, after all,  a couple can’t work if they both had a personal mandate of “my way or the highway.” Being part of a relationship means working together. However, when you expect your partner to go to great lengths just to please you – for example, when Barney asked Quinn to quit her job, or Victoria asked Ted to stop being friends with Robin – it essentially means you want them to be someone they’re not. A relationship shouldn’t require you to give up things that are important to you. If it does, it means you’re in the wrong relationship.

2. Trust is Key – In order for a relationship to be successful you need to trust each other completely. Lack of trust is essentially is what undid the pairing of Quinn and Barney. However, when it comes to Lily and Marshall – the fact that they are willing to share everything and anything with each other (even bathroom habits) – keeps them in sync and connected.

3. Even “perfect” couples fight sometimes – Although Lily and Marshall are basically one of the most perfect couples ever, they don’t always see eye to eye. They fight. They make up. They do it again. Being in love doesn’t mean being “perfect.” If you’re afraid to have arguments, everything will just build up to the point where it’s unhealthy, resentment breeds or things become completely explosive. The fact that most of the couples on the show are shown having arguments on a fairly regular basis reminds us that like them, we’re all just humans trying to do our best.

4. Re-visiting exes usually doesn’t end well – Failure to follow this advice may find you on a date with your balding high-school ex-boyfriend from Canada who still works at a water-slide park, or getting kicked in the face in middle of a restaurant. Tread wisely my friends.

5. Love means accepting someone’s quirks – Whether it’s your best friend or the person you end up marrying, loving someone unconditionally means accepting their quirks, even if one of those quirks is a pair of bright red cowboy boots that they insist they’re “totally pulling off. ”

6. Sometimes your friends know you better than you know yourself – This is especially true when it comes to the people you date. When it comes to Ted’s love life, often the gang can spot things are amiss before he does – for example, when he gets back together with his painstakingly pretentious ex from college, Karen. Love is blind and sometimes we only see what we want to see. This is why you should always keep your good friends close. They want what’s best for you, whether you can see it at the time or not.

7. The “crazy eyes” are totally real – Listening to your intuition is an important part of dating. Often it’s our gut that gives us the best dating advice. If you look into your date’s eyes and feel uneasy, or your friends tell you that this new person you’re hanging out with gives them really bad vibes, take a moment to consider that the Universe may be trying to tell you something – i.e. that you should stay far, far away from this person.

8. You never know who you’ll end up with – [Spoiler Alert] At the beginning of Season One we never would have guessed that Robin would end up with Barney, but it happened. In fact, at various points throughout the show, several characters (including Ted himself) thought that Ted and Robin were destined to be together (even though as viewers we knew she was not The Mother.) I can’t tell you how many times this has played out in my life or the lives of my friends. Take a look at a summary of my sexual history – I thought a lot of these guys were “the one” at various points, however I am so glad that things never worked out with any of them. Same goes for friends of mine. Friends that I thought had “perfect relationships” have since split and moved on to new partners that are much better matches. This just goes to show that you can’t predict love. That womanizing, suit-obsessed guy that you currently don’t take seriously may just be the love of your life…or not.

9. Letting go is hard, but necessary – Throughout the series Ted struggles to let go of the feelings he has for Robin, to the point where it actually screws up several of his relationships. It’s only when he finally finds the courage to let Robin go that he opens himself up to finding true love. Coincidence? I think not. Sometimes we need to let go of good things to make room for amazing, awesome things.

10. Sometimes it takes a really, really long time to find the right person – If Ted’s 9-year long narrative has taught us anything, it’s that the path to true love is a long and winding road full of joy, heartache & lots of twisty turns. There’s someone for everyone and if you don’t give up faith, you will eventually find them. In the mean time, you’ll get by with a little help from your friends…

Getting Comfortable with the Uncomfortable

Going from a long-term relationship to being single again is an adjustment process. When you’re with the same person for a really long time and then suddenly you’re not, it’s like you have to re-learn how to be single. In my case, the last time I was single for an extended period of time was when I was in my early 20’s and as I’ve learned, being single as a 30-something is a completely different ball-game. I’ve been single for two years now, but there are still things I’m getting used to. From having feelings for people to being rejected, emotions and situations will present themselves, catching you off guard.

Recently I found out that a guy I was into is now dating someone. Really, it shouldn’t be that big a deal. Although this person and I have hooked up in the past, we never made any promises to each other and I knew in the back of my head that the likelihood of anything more happening between us was slim. I knew this was always a possibility, it’s just the news hit me harder than I expected. It left me with this sinking feeling in my stomach that I’ve had a hard time shaking. As a so-called bad-ass sex and relationship blogger I’m supposed to have thicker skin than this, so why do I feel so…well, uncomfortable?

I read an interesting post a while back by Shannon of Frugal Beautiful about how her journey becoming a long distance runner has taught her to become more “comfortable with being uncomfortable.” This is exactly how I feel about the “gladiator” fitness classes  I’ve been taking. When I’m at the gym early in the morning trying to hold a one-armed plank, you better believe it’s uncomfortable. Your whole body is straining, often times shaking, and all you can do is breathe through it. It fucking sucks, but you do it anyways because the hard parts are what make it good. Thanks to years of ballet training, I’m no stranger to physical discomfort or pushing my body to the max but I’m not use to this emotional stuff.

In the past these kinds of feelings would have sent me off on a tailspin of vodka, impulse shopping, more vodka and bad decisions, however this time around I haven’t done any of those things. Last weekend I went out for drinks and politely declined several rounds of shots that were offered to me. Although I drank steadily throughout the evening, I failed to get drunk or do anything I’d regret later. I guess making myself numb isn’t as appealing as it used to be.

Instead, I’ve been working out like a beast, perfecting my roundhouse punch-kick-combo at the gym and being super productive at work.  I haven’t even tried to eat my feelings and my carb intake is shockingly low this week. In other words, despite some emotional discomfort I’m actually doing really great.

I’ve realized that without the haze of vodka or acute anxiety to cover them up, I have a lot of feelings. I’m way more sensitive than I like to admit and when I like someone, I get attached (which has made me re-evaluate how I feel about casual sex in the first place.) It takes me a while to process all the feelings, but once I do I’m fine.

And that’s the thing – sometimes being single feels like you’re doing a one-armed plank with your heart. You’re out there, you’re vulnerable and sometimes it’s really, really uncomfortable, but unless you’re willing to become a hermit (which I’m not), there’s no way around it. You have to forge ahead.

So, here I am. Getting more comfortable with the uncomfortable. Breathing. Waiting for things to shift. Because I know they will. They always do.

An Unexpected Reunion with “Charlie” from GIRLS

I wasn’t planning on posting today, but I thought I’d stop by to share this with you. One of my favourite bloggers, the lovely Jessica of Blog with Benefits posted this video the other day and it’s been on my mind ever since.

It’s a must-watch!

Although this is an advertisement for clothing company Free People  it’s a beautiful and mesmerizing short about a budding love story featuring GIRLS star Christopher Abbott (aka “Charlie” on the show)

 

“A touring band member and a bohemian beauty are unexpectedly reunited on a Brooklyn street, and they spend a short time together in the city’s boroughs.”

I know this is part of a marketing campaign, but this video gives me butterflies. Enjoy the show!

Is it just me, or is Christopher Abbott so much sexier in this video than as Charlie on GIRLS?! I mean, damn. The stills from the video are almost as charming as the video itself –

Happy Weekend! xox

Oh Hello, Baby-making Music

First, let me start off by wishing you….

Last year I went with a musical theme for my Valentine’s Day post, so this year I decided to do the same. However, as much as I love to make fun of R.Kelly songs(he makes it so easy for us) I’ve decided to switch things up. Instead of providing you with a list of songs that are guaranteed to kill the mood on Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d share with you some that I find undeniably sexy.

As I mentioned before, one of my New Year’s intentions was to listen to more music. I used to be the girl who obsessively kept up with every R&B, Hip Hop group and dreamed of working at Vibe magazine, interviewing the likes of Jay-Z and Usher. However, somewhere along the line when I entered the post college workforce, my total preoccupation with music got relegated to the back burner. Since December I’ve been making a conscious effort to make music more of a priority – reading music blogs like Soulbounce, listening to music while I work, downloading, purchasing and getting into new artists. The whole process has been really awesome – kind of like falling back in love with part of myself.

One of the artists I recently discovered is Rhye. According to Pitchfork, Rhye is a collaboration between Toronto native Mike Milosh and Robin Hannibal of Danish electro-soul outfit Quadron, who both now live in L.A. The result of their union: songs that are romantic, breathy and totally seductive.

R-Kelly could learn a few things from these guys who with the song “Open” have managed to make a music video that’s about sex without being raunchy and totally airbrushed. I love how the couples in the video look like real couples, and the sex looks like real sex – nope, no ridiculous underwear ensembles or baby-oiled bodies here folks! Check it out:

I also am quite smitten with their other single “The Fall” and it’s video. It kind of reminds me of a foreign film that’s full of quirky imagery, love and longing:

So there you go. Let me know what you guys think.

And, if you’re still in the mood to curse Valentine’s Day, keep in mind there’s always the Snatch the Cat Back song that you can play on repeat. So yes, there’s always that. 

Do you have a favourite sexy time song?

Happy Valentines Day & as always, thanks for reading! xox

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