It’s hard to go to the grocery store without seeing a gazillion magazine headlines advertising stuff like “The Secret to Better Sex!” or “How to Have the Best Sex of Your Life NOW” With the start of the New Year, I think it’s natural to make resolutions about how to improve your sex life. Heck, I even found a magazine with one of these headlines in my very own reading pile.
However, the truth is, you’re probably not going to be able to remake your whole sex life by learning “this hot new move that will drive him crazy!” or even by reading one article (sorry Cosmo). Better sex starts with introspection: getting to know yourself and your body. After all, not all of us can be as open about our sexual desires as creepy single dad. I’m not suggesting you take photos of yourself with your pants undone like he did and post them on the internet (that’s just creepy), but a healthy sex life definitely starts with overcoming shyness and your personal hang-ups.
To help you resolve to get over sexual shyness, Astroglide has teemed up with international sexologist, sex educator, author, relationship expert, advice columnist, and television and radio personality, Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright. Originally from Scandinavia, Yvonne gave her first formal lecture on sex in the sixth grade, when she presented her classmates with a talk on the female reproductive system and sexual intercourse! This consciousness-raising, sex expert has been fueled by her passion for healthy, open discourse about sexuality ever since. 🙂
Here are some of Yvonne’s tips for overcoming Sexual Shyness:
(My comments are in italics!)
Tip 1: Analyze what’s holding you back so that you have a good sense – vs. just a general sense – of the barriers you need to overcome in claiming your sexual self and sex life.
(For example, maybe you’ve never had an orgasm and this has had a huge impact on your sex life)
Tip 2: Read quality sex manuals. Lots of people feel insecure about their sexual expression because of ignorance. When it comes to great sex, knowledge is power. Educate yourself on techniques, erogenous zones, modes of seduction…whatever you’re curious about! This will help boost your confidence and expand your repertoire of ideas.
(For example, if you’re shy about something – i.e. oral sex – reading a book like this or getting advice from an expert can make you feel much more empowered and confident.)
Tip 3: Determine if your issues require extra assistance. If, for example, you’re shy about sex because of religious messages you received growing up or because you were violated, then working through such issues with a certified sex therapist or counselor will do you a world of good. (You can find one in your area at: www.aasect.org.)
(Counselling is amazing. Seeing a counsellor is one of the best decisions I have ever made. It’s helped me become a more open person in all areas of my life!)
Tip 4: Get to know yourself. It’s hard to express yourself or let a lover know what you like and want unless you take the time for self-exploration first. So, take the time to masturbate* Experiment with different sexual enhancements like lube, massage oil etc. Read erotica for inspiration re: scenarios you’d like to explore (even if it’s picking up that copy of 50 Shades of Grey that you’ve been meaning to read FOREVER, Erotica is a great way to tap into desires you didn’t know you even had). Flirt with different ways to get turned on, to seduce, and begin the process of foreplay. You will feel more self-assured in providing instruction, even if it’s non-verbal.
Tip 5: Boost your body image. For some, the biggest challenge to getting in a sexy state of mind and letting that be known is how a woman feels about her body. This also goes for those who seemingly have the “best” bodies. You can start feeling better about your form with regular exercise (as this has mental health perks as well), eating healthy meals, avoiding toxins, and shutting down negative self-talk. Do things that make you feel good about the skin you’re in, like yoga, getting a massage, or wearing clothes that feel like they were made for you.
(I don’t know about you guys, but I feel so much better about myself and my body not only when I’m staying active & eating well, but when I take time for my own needs – whether that’s going to the gym, getting a massage, pampering myself with a DIY pedicure or just being kind to myself – it makes such a difference!)
I love Dr. Fulbright’s tips. What do you think?
Whether you’re with a partner or playing solo, using lube can also make a huge difference (Like, HUGE) to how you experience sex. So, to help give your 2013 a very sexy kickstart, Astroglide is giving away free samples to all Skinny Dip readers! To grab your free sample visit here and submit your info. Who doesn’t love free samples?!
What’s one of your sexy resolutions for 2013?