Home » On Flirting & Finding Jesus. No, Not That Jesus.

On Flirting & Finding Jesus. No, Not That Jesus.

A couple of people have asked me what it’s like travelling with Joe the Intern. Although I brought Joe with me to Vancouver Fashion Week in March, our recent trip to Las Vegas was his real “coming out voyage.” The answer I usually give: it’s interesting.

Although I never have to wrestle Joe for leg-room or access to the arm-rest, travelling with a 12″ tall naked man isn’t without it’s share of  challenges and strange looks. However, being that I’m kind of shameless to begin with, I decided  to embrace the weirdness of carrying Joe in my purse & just go with it. Because, Vegas.

A blogger & her Intern.

Things only got “weird” whenever I’d try and interact with guys other than Joe.  When I went to Vegas last year, I was  finally at the point after the big break-up where I was ready to embrace being single and maybe even flirt a little…and that I did! To quote Caryn, “You were on a roll!” Considering I’m still living in my hometown where everyone is either a hipster or a senior citizen and meeting people the old fashioned way seems next to impossible, I was really looking forward to interacting with members of the opposite sex and getting my flirt on.

When I sat down on the plane, I looked across the aisle and spotted an attractive guy in his 30’s. We made eye-contact. I smiled. He smiled. Just when I thought things were going well I felt something fall out of my tote bag. I looked down and there was Joe, lying spread eagle on the carpeted floor of the airplane looking quite pleased with himself. The guy’s reaction looked something like this:

I quickly grabbed Joe, sat down in my seat and didn’t make eye-contact for the rest of the flight.

When a called my ex a few weeks ago to tell him about my Grandfather’s passing, we stayed on the phone for a while catching up on the recent events of each other’s lives. The conversation eventually wandered over the topic of my recent trip to Vegas & Bloggers in Sin City. That’s when I confessed,

“I think Joe is kind of a cock-blocker”

To which he responded, “I think Joe is just a BLOCKER period.”

It’s true, Joe does have a way of impeding certain social interactions and generating stares from TSA agents, but he’s a damn fine intern which is why I keep him around.

While at Bloggers in Sin City, I was telling my friend Casey about the incident on the plane. I’m a huge fan of How I Met Your Mother and can never resist a good dare. So, while lounging by the pool I made the following proposition to Casey:

“This weekend, if you successfully introduce yourself to someone as Sean Patrick Harris, aka the guy from Save the Last Dance, I’ll pick someone up with Joe”

Casey & Sean Patrick Thomas. A close match? Hardly. However, I know from 10+ years of friendship that he's pulled this off in the past.

“How are you going to do that?”

“I’m not sure, but it’s going to happen”

“Ok, deal.”

If Barney Stinson can pick up women while dressed as an old man, I can surely meet guys with a 12″ GI Joe at my side.

I was totally prepared to fulfill my end of the bargain but then Vegas happened. Way too many margaritas & lots of awesomeness later, we’d forgotten about the dare.

On Monday afternoon, Casey, Jen, Michelle and I found ourselves in the All Saints Store at the Cosmopolitan Hotel. I’d persuaded them to come join me while I ogled all the pretty things, including the notoriously handsome sales staff. At this point of the trip I’d completely given up on trying to flirt and had gotten into the habit of allowing Joe’s head to peak out of the top of my trusty Longchamp bag. I was fondling a rack of gorgeous leather jackets when a dark haired (and very cute) sales associate approached me to see how I was doing. He immediately asked,

“Who’s that little guy?”

(Slightly flustered) “Oh, that’s Joe. He’s just along for the ride.”

When I explained that Joe had been travelling with me all weekend, the sales guy said:

“Wow! That’s so cool! So, you take photos with him and everything?!”

We both laughed as I showed him photos of Joe lounging in the pool and posing in front of Caesar’s Palace. The whole time I was thinking.  “Seriously? Is this is really happening?!”

I told him about Skinny Dip and he said he’d love to read my blog sometime.

“I’m Jesus” he said as he handed me his card.

I didn’t have any cards on me, so I told him to look me up on the Internerd sometime.

Still slightly stunned, I walked over to Casey and the other BiSC-uits.

“I just picked someone up, with the help of Joe. I mean I think I just did.”

It’s very possible that Casey promised this guy that he’d buy an expensive belt in exchange for asking me about Joe, but I prefer to think of it as a Vegas miracle.

The problem? Ever since we came back from our trip Joe has been telling everyone:

“Simone and I went to Vegas and found Jesus.”

Oh Joe, I have so many things to teach you.

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