My Family, the Sitcom. Episode #2

Since I’ve been home in BC I’ve taken to writing down some of the stuff my family says  because they are pretty entertaining. Here’s a round-up of my favorites from the first 13 days of December. Enjoy the insanity!

On this week’s episode my Dad’s BFF learns how to “LOL”, my parents get acquainted with UrbanDictionary.com, we discuss heated toilet seats and DIY hair-cuts, I get caught “sleep eating” and we all learn the true definition of a “Me-Party.”

I watch this movie whenever I miss my own family. We are also the proud owners of a chronically malfunctioning mini-van. More on that later.

 

My Dad’s friend speaks the truth. 

(A conversation I had with my Dad’s friend while at dinner two weekends ago)

“Simone, what does LOL mean?”

“Laugh out loud”

“That’s what I thought. It’s confusing though because sometimes people use it after stuff that doesn’t sound very funny”

 

Dad learns a bad word.

(On our way home from dinner)

Dad: “Simone, what’s a Dingleberry?”

Me: “It’s gross. I can’t tell you Dad”

Mom: “We should probably tell him”

Me: “No!”

Mom: “He’ll find out sooner or later”

Me: “NO. I’m not explaining this! NO just NO!”

Mom: “Well, it’s….”

Me: “NO Mom. NO. Dad, just look it up on Urban Dictionary when you get home”

Mom: “Urban Dictionary is a real thing?”

 

Warm in a bad way.

(also on the way home from dinner)

“Did you try ______ (my Dad’s friend)’s new heated toilet seat?”

“It was very warm in a weird way. Like, I wasn’t sure whether it was heated or whether a thousand butts had sat on it, one after another”

 

My sister’s Ex-Boyfriend.

(Convo between my sister and I)

“He had terrible hair”

“He cuts it himself”

“You can tell”

 

Late night Seinfeld mumblings (I’m weird too).

(Whenever I’m home visiting, my Mom and I like to end each day with some “Seinfeld Time” – this usually involves watching the nightly news, then two episodes of Seinfeld – or if we are feeling really wild, we’ll also throw in a Frasier re-run. I almost always fall asleep during one of the Seinfeld episodes. My mom will often have conversations with me while I’m asleep (or partially asleep?) on the sofa. Apparently I say some pretty weird stuff. I had her take note of things I said last week during my nightly Seinfeld mumblings so I could share them with you guys.)

“I want to go to a garage sale and buy Christmas trees” (makes perfect sense)

“Farts smell weird” (yes, yes they do)

“I’m awake! I’m awake!” (I clearly wasn’t)

(Apparently this one time, I didn’t even say anything- I just momentarily woke up, ate a handful of crackers and then promptly went back to sleep. It’s wild times over here people. Wild times.)

 

Party of One.

And finally, my favorite saying this week (courtesy of my best friend’s boyfriend who works at a Golf Course)

Random Golf Course member: “Is it OK if I come by at 10am and play with myself?”

BFF’s boyfriend: “I’m OK with it if you are”

 

Do you have any great quotes from the past week? Tell me yours!

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