Home » I’m Pretty Sure My Local Barista is a Nudist

I’m Pretty Sure My Local Barista is a Nudist

…or at least wants to be one. 

Let me start at the beginning:

One of the very few things I miss about working in an office is having a paid lunch break. When you work for yourself and freelance no one pays you to take time out of your day to eat a sandwich. It’s sad but true. Although I was usually too busy at my old job to not eat my lunch in front of my computer, I always made sure I left the building for at least 30 mins everyday – either to go for a walk or read at a coffee shop. I needed that 30 mins to clear my head so I could re-group and be productive for the rest of the afternoon. Recently I decided to start taking lunch breaks again. This usually involves walking down the street to the Hipster coffee shop to have a coffee and read my novel about hot California surfers for a bit. Forcing myself to take a break has made me more productive. It’s also given me a chance to “interact with the locals” which, as always, makes for some interesting blog fodder.

The other day I went up to the counter to order my usual and had the following conversation with the cute, Hipster-ish, barista. I was staring off into space when he said to me:

“So how are you?”

(me, startled out of my daydream): “I’m good. How are you?”

“Great! I’m getting off work soon!”

“That’s nice. Well, it’s a gorgeous day outside, so enjoy!”

“It’s going to be a nice bike ride home”


“I can’t wait to get home and just strip off my pants and run around my yard naked”


“Yeah, I mean you said it was a nice day, so I figure it’s a good day to just be naked. You know because nice days mean  STREAKING WEATHER! Ha ha!  Yeah, you know just running around free, with everything hanging out there! Dancing around in the yard! It’s going to be awesome”

“Ok, well, good luck with all that”

“Do you think by telling you all this stuff about me being naked it qualifies as sexual harassment?”


“I mean, not towards you….I mean, do you think I’m sexually harassing my co-workers? Because now they’re probably all picturing me naked and you know, that’s not really a sexy image because I don’t have a nice body.”

“Um, I don’t know? Maybe you should ask your coworkers?”

“Ok, great! Will do. Have a nice day!”

I grabbed my green tea and high tailed it out to front the patio. However, as soon as I sat down I noticed Nye in his signature soccer uniform barreling down the street towards the coffee shop so I quickly grabbed my stuff, put on my dark shades and headed to the back patio before he saw me.

Fifteen minutes into my tea drinking & novel reading session I hear Nudie Barista’s voice coming from just inside the door to the patio. He’s talking to his coworkers:

“Hey, do you guys think me talking about running around naked is sexual harassment? Because I bet you’re all picturing it”


When it comes to single guys in this city –  THIS IS WHAT I’M WORKING WITH PEOPLE.

Clearly, my little Hipster coffee shop is a hub for freaks. That, or as I initially suspected, everyone is stoned (which is a very real possibility considering I smelled Marijuana smoke drifting out of the kitchen door while I was enjoying my afternoon tea. Jesus, where am I living?!)

I should probably also mention that the young gent was dressed like he just stepped off the set of Gilligan’s Island, which seems to be the look de rigeur for guys in my neighbourhood.

Gilligan: the original Hipster?

The upside to this whole interaction is that at least I can say with certainty that I’m not the most awkward person on the block. Also I should probably be relieved that he didn’t try to hold a door open for me or accidentally burn me with a cigarette, so there’s that. 



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