Dickbombing is the New Hello

I finally got Dickbombed the other night.

I’d never even the heard the term “Dickbombing” until a fateful night in Vegas when I was having dinner with all the bloggers at the Paris hotel. Since I was sitting at a different table, I’m not exactly sure of the sequence of events – just that Maxie sent someone a photo of (what I believe was) an animated gif of a penis and then someone else blurted out, “You’ve been dickbombed!” and it stuck. “Dickbombing” became part of my vocabulary. Thanks Bloggers in Sin City!

I’m no stranger to the fact that people send photos of penises to each other. I’ve just never experienced a proper digital dick-bombing first hand or had a catchy phrase to go along with it. Considering a lot of these penis photos are “surprise attacks” dickbombing seems like a much better term than “cock shot.”

Unlike yours truly, I suspect the Queen of Pop is well versed in the art of dickbombing.

According to Dickbombing.comAnyone can Dick Bomb! Dick Bombing is a very inclusive activity with no prejudice against sex or race. Men and women alike can Dick Bomb! School teachers and policemen can Dick Bomb! Waitresses and homeless people can Dick Bomb! Grandmas and uncles can Dick Bomb! Pagans and priests can Dick Bomb! Anyone can Dick Bomb!”

So yes, all you need is a phone, photos of a penis and a dream.

Although I have done many things with the opposite sex, I’ve never electronically sent and/or received a photo of someone’s junk – until now. Why is this a big deal you ask? Because, if you talk to anyone in the dating world these days, Dickbombing is like the new hello. Before I started dating again, I can’t count how many stories I read on other dating blogs that went something like, “I was chatting with this totally hot guy. We agreed to go get pizza sometime, then he sent me a photo of his dick.” Ok, so maybe’s it’s not the new hello, maybe the people writing these blog posts are just dating creeps, but it is a thing. There’s even a Jack in the Box commercial that spoofs the act of dickbombing.

Once again, I suspect Madonna enjoys a good dickbomb every now and then....

It’s a sign of the times. Now that almost everyone has a smartphone (or at the very least, a phone with a camera), people are swapping photos of their genitals with a frequency and ease, unmatched in history. As we speak, cellphone towers are likely transmitting iPhone sized images of penises, in all directions, all across the world. It’s quite incredible.

Under the impression that there are photos of penises lurking everywhere, I assumed when I re-entered the dating scene that I’d encounter some digital dicks of my own – likely, sooner rather than later. However, this hasn’t been the case at all. The men I encountered during my brief foray into online dating seemed way more interested in showing me photos of their boats & seafood they’d caught, than their genitalia – which is probably a good thing.

When I mentioned this to a friend, her response was:

“Really?! I feel like you’re the kind of person who’d get photos of dicks sent to them all the time. Why hasn’t this happened yet?!”

“I know, right?”

Your guess is as good as mine.

...and can you blame her?

When I first started dating again this fall, I was texting with this guy I was seeing at the time. He sent me a message asking if I’d send him a “pic” of myself. I decided to play it safe and send him the headshot I use as my Facebook photo. As I pressed send I thought, THIS IS IT. IT’S HAPPENING. HE’S TOTALLY GOING TO SEND ME A PHOTO OF HIS DICK.

However, much to my surprise he wrote back and said, “Nice! Thx, saved to phone”

Although I was relieved, it made me wonder “Where are all the dicks?!”

That is until the other night, when the thing I had been equally dreading and anticipating all this time, finally happened.

I looked at my phone and thought,

“Well, look at that!”

It could have been that I was looking at an exceptionally nice penis, or the fact that I am quite fond of it’s owner, but it was actually kind of a nice moment.

There in it’s slightly pixelated glory, was the penis – looking tall, proud and one might even say, sophisticated – like the kind of penis that might be known to drink scotch by a fireplace or wear a top-hat every now and then.

It was a flawless dickbombing if there ever was one.

Well, hello there.

However, what essentially made this dickbombing experience a positive one was the fact that it occurred between two consenting adults. No one likes to be surprised by a penis. Therefore, I stand by my belief that the same rules that apply to penises offline, apply to them online. In other words, contrary to what Dickbombing.com suggests, just because you can dickbomb, doesn’t mean you should. Showing your penis, or photos of other people’s penises to people who don’t want to see them is just creepy. Actually, to be on the safe side you should probably only show photos of your penis to people who have seen it in person and already given it the stamp of approval.

I think Joe the Intern sums it up quite nicely.

In other words, with great technology, comes great responsibility. Dickbomb wisely my friends.

Signed,

Dickbombing Virgin No More

Have you ever been Dickbombed?

 

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