In 2009, I started this blog because I wanted a place to tell stories and process the romantic wreckage of my twenties and later, thirties. I chose the name Skinny Dip because I thought it was a good metaphor for writing about your life online – it’s naked and risky but it’s a hell of a lot of fun. Over the past few years, however, this blog has stopped feeling like home.
Lately, I’ve been craving community and connection. To borrow from my previous metaphor, if I’m going to be figuratively skinny dipping, I want to do it at a private pool, not the public beach. If you want to find me, I’ve launched Love, Peace & Tacos, a bi-weekly newsletter where I share personal stories, sexy product recommendations, travel tips, and insights into my life as a full-time writer. I hope you subscribe here 💓
I’ve also launched a podcast!
For a couple of years, I’ve wanted to bring the stories from Skinny Dip to audio and We’re Never Doing This Again does just that. If you loved the OG days of my blog, you’ll likely enjoy the podcast! Each week I bring on a different talented guest to discuss an array of hilarious dating mishaps and hijinx. So far we’ve covered a date who lied about stabbing people (!!) (with Almie Rose), a weird weekend at a single’s camp in the woods (with Casey Palmer), and the peaks and valleys of dating in a small town (with Peter DeWolf).
It’s a fun time and I hope you join me on this journey!
I’m going to start in the middle of this story when the doctor told me over the phone that I needed to get one of my ovaries removed.
“The whole ovary?” I asked.
“Yes, at your age it’s just easier to take out the whole thing,” she told me.
You can function perfectly fine with just one ovary, but hearing that you have to get an organ removed is…unsettling.
That was in the Spring.
A few months earlier I’d spent the night in the emergency room experiencing some of the worst physical pain of my life.
One morphine drip, one (useless) x-ray, a CAT scan, a second trip to the hospital and a lot of pain meds later, I finally had a diagnosis:
A large benign ovarian cyst that would have to be removed at some point.
The doctors sent me home with a pain med prescription and instructions to “wait and see.” After a few days of lying on the couch watching a steady stream of Mike Tyson Mysteries (that show is a thing of beauty if you’re whacked out on opiates. Just saying) the pain subsided.
That was in January.
In February I attended a press trip on a sex cruise with one of my best friends, Mark. You can read about my experience here.
A few weeks later, the pandemic erupted and well, you know the rest.
Throughout the first few months of the pandemic I was having a cyst related pain attack on a monthly basis. When these attacks happen, the pain is unbearable. Impossible to keep it inside, screaming out loud pain. It feels like my entire lower torso is being gripped by the jaws of life; my organs twisting and turning on themselves.
After the second attack, I was put on a waiting list for surgery, but with Covid I had no real idea when I’d actually get this thing removed.
When these attacks happen (usually during ovulation), all I can do is lie on my side in bed, with heat packs wrapped around my mid-section and wait for the next round of pain meds to kick in. I turn on my salt lamp, plug in my ear phones and listen to podcasts, slipping in and out of sleep as I wait for my timer to go off (the signal to take more drugs).
(I’ve struggled to listen to my usual diet of murdery podcasts during the pandemic; preferring slightly lighter fare. When I’m sick I keep things extra light. My go-to’s are Scam Goddess and RPDR podcasts like Race Chaser)
I breathe and wait.
Because that’s all I can do.
While I still feel like I’ve been run over by a truck for a few days every month, I haven’t had any severe pain attacks since late spring. I also have a surgery date to get the cyst (which is now 4 x 3 inches in size) removed. I’ll be going into surgery on November 19th.
When I think about my experience of 2020, I always come back to those first few pain attacks and how they forced me to become intimately acquainted with the concept of uncertainty.
I didn’t know when/if the pain would end. All I could do was sit with the discomfort and embrace the small things that brought me comfort, like the soft glow of my salt lamp and the soothing banter of drag queens coming from my headphones.
If that doesn’t sum up 2020, I don’t know what does.
This is a guest post written by a friend of the blog. Thanks for supporting content that supports Skinny Dip.
Promoting open and healthy discussions around sexuality, intimacy, and relationships is what National Sex Day is all about. This is celebrated to encourage individuals to be more open and accepting of sexual identities and embrace differences. Sexuality is a very natural component of human nature and it deserves understanding, respect, and positive engagement. Human sexuality is incredibly diverse and exploring desires should be encouraged, not just for pleasure, but also to improve the relationship one has with oneself.
Here are ten ways in which you can celebrate National Sex Day and experience pleasure without feeling guilty about it. Whether you want to ride solo, with your partner, or with another couple, succumb to your desires and let them take you to another world.
Start Swiping
We know dating apps can be cumbersome. But maybe you deserve to go on a date and then get some on National Sex Day. without overthinking, install the app and get swiping. You may end up having a really good time! And if you do not want to go through the trouble of finding a date, you can always hire an escort.
Explore Dirty Talk
Dirty talk is one of the most underrated forms of foreplay. There is a lot you can explore in this regard, especially since this is related to a lot of kinks people have. Dirty talk appeals to our creative senses and can make things quite spicy. Start by talking about what you would like to do and how, and then take it ahead from there.
Talk about Sex with Your Friends
Whenever we celebrate something, we also talk about it. Then why do we stay hushed up when it comes to our sex lives? Talking about sex quashes the taboos around it, and these taboos need to be quashed. Talking about sex with friends can normalize certain practices, as well as spark your imagination.
Touch Yourself
What’s National Sex Day without a little bit of ‘self-love’? Cancel your plans to go out and stay in, maybe take a nice warm shower and indulge in yourself. Read your favorite spicy book, or watch a spicy movie as you go on to help you get a little nudge. If you want to involve your partner in it, you could indulge in mutual masturbation.
Educate People Around You
Of course, this does not mean going up to random people and asking them about their sex lives! But you could always involve your family and friends and teach them about safe sex. For example, if you have pre-teen kids, this might be a good time to have ‘the talk’ with them. Children are naturally inquisitive and are very likely to look up porn online and get the wrong idea about sex. It might be an awkward conversation, but one day, your kids will thank you for teaching them about sex safely and healthily.
Buy a Sex Toy
There are many different varieties of sex toys out there, and the best part is, you can use these by yourself or with a partner. Why not celebrate this momentous day by getting yourself a new toy, maybe something you have not tried yet?
Get Nude
While getting bare in the privacy of the bedroom is something safe and comfortable, doing so in public can certainly be a very daunting, yet exhilarating experience. You could visit a nude beach, spa or resort and have a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Embracing your nudity is an act of self-love because people have for long looked up to Eurocentric standards as the standard for beauty. Moreover, documenting your thoughts and feelings during the process can be a great way to reflect on yourself.
Have Sex Outdoors
Now this is something not a lot of people try, mainly because it is illegal in a lot of places. But then again, the forbidden fruit IS the sweetest. As long as you exercise caution, having sex outdoors can be a very thrilling experience. What better way to celebrate National Sex Day than doing something so daring?
Explore Polyamory
This might be a bit of a disputed territory, but hear us out, we know polyamory isn’t for everyone. But how would you know it isn’t for you if you don’t give it a try? Polyamory can be a very rewarding experience since there are more than two people involved. You could attend a sex party near you, and even if you do not want to participate, you could try socializing and trying to explore the limits of your sexuality.
Try Bondage
Bondage is usually associated with very rough sex, but it does not necessarily have to be that way. It could be as simple as tying your partner up or getting tied down yourself and engaging in the act. The sensation of touch plays a significant role in our feeling of pleasure during sex, so when you are deprived of that, your other senses can become more active, making you experience a whole different level of pleasure.
Take this opportunity to explore what you have always wanted to do and test your limits. Make this day all about you and your pleasure.
It’s me, your friendly neighbourhood, semi-retired sex blogger reporting live from my basement office where I’m currently wearing an oversized vintage Mickey Mouse sweatsuit because we’re in the midst of a global pandemic & civil rights battle and I’ve temporarily given up on real clothes (for the record, I call this look, “Business Disney.”)
{Btw, the gorgeous image above is by Kendra Dandy of The Bouffants and can be purchased here.}
I’ve had this post in the hopper for a while, but before I begin talking about personal quarantine greatest hits list, this needs to be addressed:
Non-black folks, what are you doing to support Black Lives Matter and anti-racism work?
This is by no means an exhaustive list, but a few ways quick you can be useful right now.
+ Educate yourself and do the anti-racism work. I’ve posted a few resources on Instagram, but give it a quick ‘GOOG and you’ll find tons of action steps, reading lists & more (do your research!) This list of ways to learn about and act up for racial justice that Kate posted is a great place to start. This list of ally resources is also a super helpful primer.
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Like many of you, since the start of quarantine, my spending habits have shifted. Now with #blacklivesmatter front and centre, examining how and where I spend my money feels especially important.
Normally, at this point in the Spring I’d be obsessing over new sundresses and shoes and accessories — and for better or worse — spending my money accordingly. However, over the past few months, my taste for fast fashion has all but expired (WHAT ARE CLOTHES ANYWAY?).
The truth is, quarantine has given me the space to reflect on my consumption patterns and frankly I feel pretty gross about how I spent my money over the course of 2019. Also, without the option of going into physical stores, I’ve realized how much of my shopping is motivated by anxiety, avoidance and boredom (maybe I’ll write more on that later).
The past few months have been strange, sad and challenging. I’m still trying to figure things out, but going forward, I know I want to buy more used & vintage while making a point to support more small businesses –in particular, ones owned by BIPOC. In the meantime, here are a few pandemic purchases that I do feel good about & have helped make quarantine life a little better.
Causes that matter.
See above. I know money can’t solve everything, but it can help. Since last week, I’ve donated to a handful of bail funds and black centred organizations, but I want to commit to making this an on-going occurrence on a weekly and monthly basis.
Upgraded digital media subscriptions.
After years reading for free, I finally bit the bullet and purchased a monthly digital subscription to New York magazine. Being able to read freely without worrying about a paywall has kept me informed and entertained throughout quarantine.
A folding exercise bike.
Meet my #NotAPeleton. This folding exercise bike has been my saving grace since the start of quarantine. I recently started running (and love it), but knowing I can safely do my cardio at home feels like the ultimate luxury right now. Plus, this bike folds up and fits in a closet — making it perfect for small space living.
An adjustable bed desk.
I know there’s an unwritten rule that in order to be a productive freelancer you must never work from bed, but I feel like the pandemic completely blew that right up. Life has been uncomfortable and weird. Sometimes the only way anything is getting done is if I allow myself to work from bed, while ensconced in blankets.
Enter: this adjustable bed desk. This tiny blessing allows me to comfortably work in bed AND is perfect for when I want to watch Netflix on my laptop. Being able to adjust it so my screen is at the right level has saved me SO MUCH neck strain. Oh, and did I mention it can also be used as a standing desk?
Live virtual events.
Since the start of quarantine, I’ve made a point of attending live streamed virtual events. My favourite so far have included the Werk The World series which feature performances from RPDR alumni (ticket sales go to benefit drag performers who are currently out of work due to Covid-19). Their next show, Pride Castle (June 28th) will benefit The National Black Justice Coalition, an organization dedicated to empowerment of the black LGBT+ community.
Sweatpants.
These BP Joggers from Nordstrom may be the softest pants known to man. Who knew sweatpants could feel so deliciously luxurious? I’ll take comfort anywhere I can get it these days and these joggers have kept me warm and comfortable throughout quarantine.
Subscription to WOW Presents Plus.
If you know me in real life, you’re probably painfully aware of how much I love RuPaul’s Drag Race. Watching Season 12 and now All Stars 5 has given me something to look forward to every week during quarantine. The producer’s of Drag Race, World of Wonder (WOW) offer a subscription service ($4.99/month) which gives you access to all of their shows + quarantine content hosted by your favourite queens. Being able to tune into Trixie & Katya Save The World and watch their antics every week has been such a nice treat.
A non-terrible Bathroom cabinet.
Considering how much I disliked the majority of high school, I’m really surprised by how smitten I’ve become with locker inspired furniture. I recently bought this locker style cabinet for my bathroom and do not regret it one bit.
For the longest time I’ve had a set of clear plastic Rubbermaid drawers to hold the beauty product overflow in my bathroom. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with plastic bins (you gotta work with what you have!), my dingy and crowded drawers made me (unnecessarily) feel like a broke college student.
The world feels completely out of control right now, but at least my bathroom looks somewhat like it belongs to an organized adult.
What’s helped you get through the past few months?
Where do you meet swingers online? A good friend of mine asked me this exact question a few days ago. She and her husband have been happily married for about six years and are now looking to experiment with other people. She turned to me for tips because writing about sex is my beat.
2. While I’ve travelled to a bunch of swinger & lifestyle friendly resorts like Temptation Cancun, Desire Maya, Desire Pearl and Hedonism IIand have on occasion enjoyed being the “special guest” in other people’s bedroom activities, I don’t consider myself a swinger or part of the lifestyle. In other words, I’m not an expert on all things lifestyle related. To borrow a line from my first trip to Temptation, “I’m not a swinger but some of the people I sleep with are.” 😉
2. Secondly, it’s impossible to ignore that we’re currently still in the midst of a global pandemic. Adding multiple new sex partner into the mix right now is flat out dangerous. With that said, that doesn’t mean you can’t meet new people online! (It might just take a little while before you can safely play with them.)
Just as a side note: I was super skeptical about online or virtual dating during Covid-19, but I’ve since been converted to a believer. If you can meet someone that you connect with (or in this case, several people), not being able to immediately hook-up provides the perfect opportunity to get to know each other. Think of it like very extended foreplay.
To write this post, I teamed up with the folks at Swingtowns, the world’s largest non-monogamy community.
If you’re looking to find swingers online, here’s a few things to keep in mind.
1. Go to a site that’s dedicated to non-monogamy.
When my friend first asked for my advice, my first impulse was to tell her to get on Tinder — after all, there seems to a lot of couples on there (see this post about the 20 guys you’ll meet online dating in Victoria). However, “vanilla” online dating apps tend to be a catch-all of people — Tinder especially. If you’re looking for a particular kind of interaction, why not head to where likeminded people hang out?
Instead of swiping endlessly, a site like Swingtowns allows you to get specific about who you are and what you’re looking for.
If you’re new to the lifestyle, chances are you’re nervous. That’s totally normal! Enter: swinging groups. Swingtowns has a comprehensive list of local swingers groups across the globe (I even found a few groups in my hometown. Go figure). If you’re looking to dip your toes into non-monogamy, joining a swingers group can be a great, no-pressure first step. Lots of newbies join groups as a way to meet other couples, make friends and ask questions.
As social distancing continues, a lot of local swinger groups are hosting virtual events!
The way I see it, we’re all stuck at home right now anyways. If swinging or non-monogamy is something you’re curious about this is the perfect opportunity to use the internet to your advantage and do your research. You might even meet a couple (or more!) that you’ll want to connect with once the pandemic subsides.
This post was brought to you by Swingtowns. Thank you for supporting posts that support this blog.
