Things I would tell my 20 year old self Archives - Page 4 of 4

After posting Lisa’s list of things she wishes she could tell her 20-year old self, I got inspired to start working on a list of my own. I’ve already mentioned some of the lessons I’ve learned in my 20’s but here are a few more. I have the feeling that this may be an on-going feature because as soon as I hit publish I know I’ll think of million other things I want to say. This is a start…

Things I wish I could tell my 20-year old self.

1. Just because you’ve had some bad stuff happen to you and your heart has been crushed to a million pieces, this does not mean you are “damaged”. This is a bad word because it implies that something cannot be fixed but, people heal and so will you. Whatever you’re going through now may suck but, eventually it will suck a lot less. Bad experiences will shape who you are but, don’t let them define you.Stuff happens and its painful and sad and doesn’t make any sense but, you are not this stuff.

2. Don’t make someone a priority so you can be their option. Unavailable guys may seem appealing but, you deserve better. It’s better to be alone than to be with someone who can’t decide what they want.

3. People will show you who they are through their actions. It’s up to you to watch and listen. If someone does something that you don’t think a “good person” would do, it probably means they aren’t a good person. If someone acts like a jerk, it means they are a jerk. Some people just don’t have good intentions. You may feel that spending time with them might make them a better person, and maybe it will but, the harm they will cause you in the meantime isn’t worth it.

4. Be the star in your own show! When people try to suck you into their own drama (because this will happen) put your blinders on. This is the time to prioritize your own GOALS. Focus on YOU. DO WELL IN SCHOOL. It’s so, so important.

5. Chick Flicks lie to you. Finding “Mr. Right” will not magically make all of your problems go away and make your life perfect. All the stuff that you were hoping to fix will still be there. Bringing another person into the equation might actually amplify what’s wrong to begin with. A relationship shouldn’t be seen as a destination. The most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself so, work on you first.

6. For God’s sake stop trying to date gay guys. Your boyfriend has a larger collection of Madonna memorabilia in his bedroom than you did as a tween in the early 90’s. He gave you Men’s cologne for Valentine’s day. YOU NEVER HAVE SEX. Wake up and smell the double double, tall non-fat, mocha lakka lakka lakka lakka latte. The dude is GAY.

7. Tequila will never be your friend. Neither will non-FDA approved mystery liquor imported from Israel. Just trust me on this.

8. Meet your new lovers: Eye Creme & Sunscreen.

(Jeanne, Rosa, Me – age 20)

What would you tell your 20-year old (or younger) self?

There are lots of things I wish for. A self-cleaning bathroom. Ridiculous stuff that I don’t actually need. A fourth season of Veronica Mars. For the Filet O’ Fish to suddenly be good for you. Time Travel. I’d happily give up all the gold plated toys in the world for my very own time-machine. I’d use it to go back to the early 2000’s, find my younger self and tell her a bunch of things I wish someone had told me when I was twenty. I’d also give her a hug & tell her “Don’t worry, everything is going to be OK”

What would you say to your younger self if you had the chance?

Today, I’m really excited to have Lisa the Editor-in-Chief of The Hip & Urban Girl’s Guide answering this very question. I admire Lisa for several reasons. Not only is she a savvy entrepreneur, she’s also super friendly, poised and lovely! I’m really happy she offered to guest blog today. I hope you enjoy reading her insights as much as I did!

{PS. If you missed it, Tuesday I was blogging over at The Hip Urban Girl’s Guide & dishing about some of my favorite beauty products}

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The way I feel at 30 is the polar opposite of how I felt when I was 20.

My 20-something self was a lost, people-pleaser that was more concerned with being liked above anything else. Girls are generally raised to be nice, not necessarily assertive and though I was goal-oriented, by vision was fuzzy and a little naive. Here’s what I would have told my 20 year-old self:

1) Set Reasonable Goals – Yes you can aim for the world, but break your goal down to small attainable steps to lead you towards what your bigger vision is for yourself. The point is to not set yourself up for failure, so you beat yourself up and not start over. It really is about small steps. What do you have to do next to get to where you want to be?

2) Forget About Being Liked – People should like you for who you are. If they don’t, too bad – that’s their lost. I wasted a lot of my 20s worrying about being liked. Spend that energy thinking about what you want. No one else is going to do this for you.

3) Have a Social Life – Surround yourself with only positive, fun and supportive people. Extra points if they are like-minded and share similar goals. High school is over, so it’s time to distance yourself from any friends who are negative, bring you down or really is a frenemy. The place (high school) that brought you together as friends, no longer exists. So seek out new people who you like. Life is too short, so live hard and live well.

4) No One is Perfect – OK this one is so cliched, but it deserves to be said over and over again. Stop striving for perfection! You’ll drive yourself crazy and not fully be able to stop and really enjoy being in the moment. A better goal is to aim to be happy.

5) Don’t Be a Doormat – If you don’t want to do something, say no. Some people will try to take advantage of you and use you. Eliminate time-wasters and stop getting sucked into things you don’t want to do. Say no. The world won’t end and life will go on. Always go with your gut.

I wish I had could take the confidence I have now at 30, cut it half and share some with myself at 20. However, without the journey of stupid mistakes and life lessons – I wouldn’t be where I am now at 30.

What do you guys think? What would you love to tell your 20-year old (or younger) self?

Things I would tell my 20 year old Self #2 – Simone

Things I Would Tell my 20 year old Self #1 – Lisa

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