Show & Tell | Lingerie Essentials: The Basic Black Bustier

If I think back, I’m pretty sure my love for lingerie started in my early teens, around the same time that I became completely obsessed with Madonna. I loved her music, but I also loved her sexy, powerful image. The lingerie she wore (which was usually heavy on black & lace) definitely influenced the kind of pieces I’m attracted to as an adult (like this Yes Master bra & panty set.)

When I was thirteen, an older friend gave me a black bustier top that she no longer wore. When I put it on, I felt like I could take over the world. Eventually I grew out of that bustier and my Madonna fandom; however I have been searching for a replacement bustier ever since.

A few months ago, I was browsing through Ohhh Canada‘s website and stumbled across the Veronica Black Mesh bustier by Seven Til Midnight. I knew I’d met my match.

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When it comes to sexy lingerie, I’ve always thought that a good black bustier is a great staple. It’s simple, it’s classic and it’s sexy. So, I was really excited when the lovely people at Ohhh Canada offered to send me my very own Veronica Bustier to try (wahoo!)

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As I patiently waited for my bustier to arrive (I didn’t have to wait long – Ohhh’s shipping is fast!) I had visions of myself wearing it under a raincoat to surprise The Secret Agent and/or slipping it on for impromptu bedroom dancing sessions set to the soundtrack of The Immaculate Collection.

Let’s just say – Veronica did not disappoint. This is a really beautiful, sexy garment – especially given it’s very reasonable price point ($45.99) And yes, I may have listened to Lucky Star a few times while trying it on.

IMG_0301The Veronica Bustier is made of ultra soft stretch lace and mesh. One of the things I always worry about when I buy lingerie online is that it will be scratchy. Veronica is soft, soft, soft. The bustier features lightly padded underwire cups, adjustable straps and removable garters. The piece has flexible plastic boning on both sides and a hook & eye closure on the back. It also comes with a matching black mesh thong, which I am happy to report is really comfortable.

Et voila! 

lingerie 1I’m usually a size 4-6 in clothing and a 32DD in bras. I ordered a medium and am really happy with the fit. The cups were still a tiny bit on the small side, but there was no pulling, tugging or awkward bulging. Hooray! Overall, this piece is super comfortable and (I think) quite flattering.

Here’s a view of the back. You can’t really see the hooks and eyes in the photo, but similar to this red bustier I reviewed by the same brand, there are many. You will probably need some help doing up this garment. I did.

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IMG_0279Wear it alone or attach your favourite pair of stockings to the garters.

Just a note: although this set is really comfortable and the boning is flexible, it does restrict your movement a bit. In other words, it’s great for surprising your lover but you’ll probably want to take it off before you have sex.

IMG_0287I’m not sure what else to say except that I really love this piece. It’s classic and sexy yet, understated. Although I have lots of fun, brightly coloured lingerie (green! hot pink! floral! leopard!) I know that this is a piece that I’ll keep coming back to again and again.

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Thanks so much to Ohhh Canada for the very generous gift! I received this piece free of charge in exchange for my honest assessment of the product. All views are my own because that’s how I roll. 

We Tried it | Désirables Porcelain Dildo & Massage Stones

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One of the best perks of writing this blog is discovering new products that I might not have heard of otherwise. From the utterly terrifying (the iRide and this thing) to the beautiful & luxurious (a gold plated vibrator necklace & dildos made of glass); it’s always cool to get an insiders first look at new products!

The porcelain intimate pleasure products from Désirables definitely fall in the beautiful and luxurious camp.

Désirables are designed by women and made in Montreal, Canada. To quote their website, “As industrial designers, but especially as women, we wanted to create stylish toys that matched our vision of sexuality.  That’s why we offer products that are respectful, functional and esthetically pleasing.” (A female owned, Canadian company that’s ultra stylish to boot? Yes, please!)

They’ve accomplished their vision by creating a line of body safe pleasure products that are made entirely of porcelain. Yes, porcelain – the same stuff used to make china, figurines & your Aunt Ethel’s treasured tea set.

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As an introduction, the lovely people at Désirables sent me the Dalia Explorer and the Adori Porcelain Massager Set to try. Before I opened the box I took a photo because I absolutely loved the chic and minimal packaging.

(FYI, for non-Canadians, all of our product labels here include both English and French, with English usually listed first. However, since Désirables is from Montreal, the French is first which is a treat to see. Explorateur Feminin just sounds sexy. I’m a total nerd for details like this!)

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First up is the Dalia Explorer, a double ended porcelain Dildo. As you can see, it’s beautifully packaged in a red satin lined box and comes with a chic carrying case, authenticity card and instruction manual. I absolutely love how chic and luxurious the packaging is. The raw silk bag is a nice change from the usual black velvet ones that usually come with most high-end sex toys.

I’m sure you’re wondering, “why make sex toys out of porcelain?!” Well, not only is the porcelain smooth and soft to the touch, it also comes with several practical advantages as a toy material: it’s highly durable, easy to clean, hypoallergenic, compatible with both water based and silicone lubricants and it’s free of nasty toxic chemicals like pthalates.

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With that said, similar to the first time I used a glass toy, I was still a bit nervous about putting something that’s porcelain inside me. However, I’m glad that I gave Dalia a try.

Dalia is very similar in shape and user experience to one of my favourite toys, the Lelo Ella dildo. It’s almost exactly the same length and has a similar pointed, rounded tip that is perfect for g-spot stimulation. Unlike some of my other dildos which are quite large, the Dalia hits all the right spots without being intimidating. FYI, the Dalia “explorer” is a dildo which means it doesn’t vibrate. You can use it on it’s own for solo play, in conjunction with a clitoral vibrator or with a partner. Expert suggestion: try sliding it in and out while your partner goes down on you.  The end result is good, very, very good. 

After you’re finished playing, the Dalia cleans off easily with soap, water or toy spray.

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Next up are the Adori Porcelain Stone Massagers – a set of three different ceramic massage stones designed to target different muscles and apply different pressures.

I’m not going to lie- when I first laid eyes on the Adori set, I had absolutely no idea how I was supposed to use them.

I remember showing them to The Secret Agent and saying something like, “Huh. They look like a collection of miniature Beluga penises.”

“How do they work?” he asked.

“I don’t know? Maybe you’re supposed to use them as anal probes?” I replied.

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Review | Haute Hips Panty Subscription

haute hipsI‘ve always been under the impression that subscription boxes just aren’t my thing. My beauty routine is pretty minimalist, so the thought of getting a bunch of new products every month actually makes me feel overwhelmed, not excited. I’d rather just pick up what I need, when I need it. Even though there are some really awesome ones, this is how I feel about most subscription services. However, a lingerie subscription? Now that’s something I can get excited about! Despite having a lingerie drawer that’s bursting at the seams, I can never have enough pretty underthings.

Enter Haute Hips, a panty subscription service that provides you with two pairs of pretty, comfortable, chic panties for an affordable monthly fee. When Haute Hips asked me if I’d be interested in reviewing their service, I couldn’t resist.

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I should start off by mentioning how adorable the Haute Hips website is. I’ve looked at several lingerie subscription services and theirs is by far one of the most fun and approachable sites I’ve come across. I love the photography (um, lounging in bed with glasses on = love), the graphics & their adorably titled blog, The Panty Line.

Here’s how the service works: Choose a membership option (monthly, 6 months or 12 months) and Haute Hips will personally select two pairs of gorgeous, luxurious, comfy panties to be sent directly to your mailbox. One month + 6 month memberships cost $12 + $2 shipping and handling. A year long membership works out to be about $11 a month + shipping and handling. Considering other panty subscription services charge $20/month for just one pair of panties, Haute Hips is very affordable.

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Haute Hips also offers “Panty Perks.” Love your Haute Hips panties so much you want more? Each month there’s a new featured panty that you can add to your order for $6. See those gorgeous black and white panties below? They were May’s featured panty. Yep, I am smitten!

What to expect in your monthly order: cute, luxurious, pretty panties that are also comfortable. You won’t find any crazy contraptions like these crazy panties, however you will find lots of chic styles like the ones below.

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11164834_682405568549228_57195982760314277_nWhen you subscribe to Haute Hips you’ll also help give back. Haute Hips donates a portion of every sale to local women’s shelters in the US; providing intimates so all women can feel their very best. This summer they will be supporting Dignity U Wear, an organization that provides children and their families with brand new clothing (I just read through their website and they do some really great work; like providing clothing to underprivileged children, veterans and women in crisis.)

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Curious to see what goodies I received from Haute Hips? It’s time for the big reveal!

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Review | Joe the Intern Tries Sexting with Arousr

A few weeks ago, the creators of Arousr got in touch with me about test driving their new app and service. Arousr is a “sexting community” for adults over the age of 21. According to their website, “Arousr is a safe place where adults can connect with other consenting adults to chat, talk, exchange pictures and engage in video call sessions over their smartphone, computer or tablet.”

How it works is that you create an account and immediately receive 100 free credits to chat with anyone on the system. Android users can access the service through the app. iPhone users can access Arousr through their tablet or desktop and by using regular text messaging.

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Although I’ve been known to enjoy a good Sext, since I’m a hetero female currently in a relationship with a man, I’m not exactly the ideal customer for this service. I decided to pass the task of reviewing the app onto Joe the Intern, the resident single male at Skinny Dip headquarters. Take it away Joe…

“Hey dudes. Joe the Intern here. My girlfriend Milly and I are currently on a break ever since she started spending a lot of time at Malibu Ken’s beach cabana and changed her Facebook status to ‘it’s complicated.’ I’ve been feeling a bit lonely lately, so I was happy when Simone assigned me this mission. 

First thing, first – I like that I can use this service on Simone’s iPhone. I prefer using a smartphone vs. a computer or tablet because of hand-size issues. However, I was a bit disappointed that Arousr only had an app for Android. I hope they create one for iPhone users like myself, because the app looks pretty and more fun to use than just regular texting. How about it, guys?

Anyway, regardless I found the service super easy to sign up for and use. I created a profile with my pseudonym “12inchJoe” (because I heard height is really important to women), entered the activation code and then was brought to a page on the website where I could see all of the available ladies online. I chose to chat with a girl named CeCe because in her photo it looked like she was doing Yoga without any pants on – something I sometimes like to do on Saturday mornings. 

CeCe was really friendly and immediately got really excited when I told her I was 12 inches tall. 

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When CeCe asked me where my hands were, I told her I was touching my head. 

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After receiving my photo, CeCe asked me what I was doing. I was honest and told her that I was playing with one of my balls. 

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She asked if I wanted her to put my ball in her mouth, which I thought was a weird question. I told her, “No thank you, Ma’am. I don’t think that’s a good idea. It’s already been in a dog’s mouth at the park.”

She then started to tell me that she had just been working out (an activity that we have in common!) 

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When I asked Cece to tell me about herself, she started talking a lot about her cat and how it was soaking wet. I know that cats aren’t supposed to get wet, so I told her “Maybe you should stop talking to me and go dry it off.” However, she had other ideas.

When she told me she wanted me to stick my head in her cat, I thought DANGER! I told Cece, “NO THANK YOU MA’AM!” I immediately threw Simone’s iPhone off of the balcony and ran inside to call the SPCA. 

In summation, I enjoyed using Arousr for the first time, however it was also a deeply confusing experience.” 

Ok, so maybe Joe the Intern also wasn’t the ideal candidate to try Arousr, however I think his feedback gives you an idea of how the service works. After your first 100 credits run out (10 received text messages), Arousr becomes a pay to play service – meaning that you have to purchase credits in order to continue the chat or access additional features like video. Since people rarely talk on the phone anymore, Arousr is like a phone sex service for modern, smartphone obsessed times.

Although I wouldn’t normally promote these kinds of services,  as a woman who has been the recipient of far too many unwanted dick pics and sextual harassment, I do see the utility of an app like Arousr. Yes, you pay for the service. However, when used responsibly, Arousr provides single men with a safe outlet to release this kind of energy without alienating the women in their lives.

Just a thought.

Disclaimer: Although this post wasn’t tested on humans, it was brought to you by Arousr – a service for full-sized adults aged 21+. Thanks for supporting the posts and brands that keep Skinny Dip going! If you’d like me or Joe to review your sexy product, please contact us here. 

Meet The iRide: The World’s Most Inconvenient Sex Toy

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of recording an audio workshop (podcast) with one of my favourite people on the internet, Nicole of a Life Less Bullshit. We spent an hour talking about career paths, being a writer and what it’s like to write about sex on the internet – and it was so much fun! You can listen to the audio workshop here.

As you probably know, when it comes to sex toys I’m fairly adventurous and will try almost anything once. I’m not opposed to taking one for the team if it might lead to a great story. So, when Nicole asked me to share one of the most bizarre experiences as a sex writer, I told the story of the time I decided to try the iRide by Doc Johnson – a monstrosity of a sex toy that has since become the bane of my existence. As I described it to Nicole, the iRide looks like a cross between a dildo and a rocking horse, dipped in Pepto-Bismal pink. In other words, it’s utterly terrifying and I’ll never live down the fact that I owned this item. It’s also the worst sex toy ever.

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To quote the Doc Johnson website, The iRide is a “powerful new movement in sex toys” that provides clitoral and g-spot sensation, freeing your hands “for more exciting things.” Simply rock back and forth & enjoy the ride.

So, what exactly is wrong with the iRide besides the obvious? Oh, many, many things my friend. Here’s a quick summary –

It’s wildly uncomfortable. 

The insertable portion of the toy and it’s clitoral nub are made of ABS plastic – a material that although body safe, is notorious for irritating my lady parts. When I “mounted” this toy and inserted it, I immediately felt a familiar burning sensation that happens whenever I try to use ABS toys. Not fun at all.

It’s hard (and not in a good way.)  

As per the Doc Johnson website, “The naturally curved design [of the iRide] allows for sensual rhythmic movement, while the padded cushion makes for a soft, smooth ride.” Um, what padded cushion? This toy is made of hard plastic and the ride is anything but smooth. Although there is a bit of flexibility in the shaft, the large nubby bump that’s meant to stimulate your clit is rock hard. “Rocking” against it felt like I was about to bruise my pelvic bone.

It’s anything but ergonomic. 

Using this toy is awkward. If you try to use it on the floor you’ll inevitably end up with rug or floor burns. However, when I tried to use it on my bed, I nearly went flying.

It’s big…in all the wrong places. 

Hey, did I mention that the shaft on this thing is barely 4 inches long?! Although there are some smaller sized toys that I really love, this is not one of them. The penis portion seems inexplicably small and nubby compared to the rest of the toy which is massive. The total length of the “seat” is approximately a foot and a half. It also comes in the world’s biggest and least discreet box ever.

(I also have the sneaking suspicion that “Doc Johnson” isn’t a real doctor. Just a thought.)

IMG_0164Trying to store the iRide has been a royal pain in the butt. I keep most of my sex toys neatly organized in a cabinet with a bunch of different drawers. Unsurprisingly, the iRide doesn’t fit in the drawers…or any drawers really. The shaft isn’t long enough to be pleasurable, however it’s just long enough to make it impossible to fit under the bed….and there’s absolutely no way I’m leaving this thing out in public.

IRIDE 13 IRIDE 12Needless to say, Joe the Intern is very, very concerned about the storage issues the iRide has caused.

Frustrated, I eventually just put it in a large Marc Jacobs tote bag that has seen better days, stuffed it in the very back of my closet and promptly forgot about the iRide.

That was almost three years ago. Since then, I have moved to another area of the house and my former bedroom has been converted back to a guest room that my sister uses whenever she comes home to visit.

A few weeks ago, I was eating lunch with my sister when her face suddenly dropped.

“Simone, I need to tell you something” she said. “Mom and I were cleaning out the closet and well, we found something of yours. Mom is was really disturbed.”

The first thing that popped into my mind was, “OH GOD. THE IRIDE!”

Mortified, I decided then and there that the iRide had to go.

Although the disposing of the Nick Hawk Dildo was relatively easy, sending the iRide off to the big sex toy pile in the sky proved to be a lot more challenging. Along with being ridiculously inconvenient, the iRide is also nearly indestructible. Not to say that we didn’t try.

After a delicious Sunday brunch, I enlisted the help of my lovely boyfriend (more on him later!) to dispose of the iRide. High on coffee and omelettes, we were full of ideas of how to rid Skinny Dip headquarters of the iRide once and for all.

IRIDE 3 IRIDE 6However, we quickly learned that there is no way to dispose of the iRide discretely. When I mentioned to my Mom that I was thinking of just chucking it in the garbage, she was horrified.

“But, what if someone finds it and thinks it’s mine?!” she said, aghast at the possibility.

That’s when I suggested, “Maybe we could cut it up into pieces, wrap it in a trash bag and throw it out murderer style.”

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However, after much pulling and tugging we realized that there was no way the iRide was coming apart. Instead, we decided we might as well skip the dismemberment and just bury it in the shallow grave it deserved – an idea that was later vetoed out of fear that it would eventually rise like a bright pink phoenix (errr, penis) to terrorize future generations.

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