Fifty Shades of Grey: Fantasy or Fallacy?

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past month, you’ve probably caught wind of the Fifty Shades of Grey mania that has taken over in anticipation of the movie’s release. Over the past month I’ve shared my thoughts on the Fifty Shades phenomenon on Ohhh Canada blog, interviewed Cynthia Loyst, host of CTV’s The Social regarding her thoughts on the book and movie franchise (so cool to talk to her!) for the Toronto Sun, received a very generous Fifty Shades themed gift basket from Pink Cherry and even made a date with a friend to go see the movie this weekend in Vancouver. All of this has happened, and yet I still haven’t finished reading the book (which I feel is somehow a total sex & relationship blogger faux pas.)

There’s been so much written about Fifty Shades of Grey (the good, the bad & the in-between) however, if you’re looking to cut through the sludge, here’s two of my favourite pieces that I suggest you read –

5 Things To Know Before You See Fifty Shades of Grey (Buzzfeed) – My friend Stef, who has taught a college class using Fifty Shades as a case study, draws attention to both the positive aspects of the series while also drawing attention to the highly problematic aspects of it.

-Roxane Gay’s brilliant essay The Trouble With Prince Charming (The Rumpus), which basically sums up why I’ve been so reluctant to read the series in the first place.

In the meantime, my friends at We Love Dates has put together this handy infographic for you guys, that I thought I’d share.

Fifty Shades of Grey: Fiction or Fallacy?
Have you read the book or seen the movie? What did you think?

A Year of Lust, Life Lessons & Labours of Love

2014- year in reviewAt the beginning of 2014, I decided that my theme for the year would be “GO ALL IN”: with my work, but also with my heart. My intention was to live life without holding myself back or sitting on the sidelines. I think I definitely lived up to this theme because 2014 was a year full of lots of hard work, romantic adventures and consequently, some meaningful life lessons.

I kicked off January with what would be one of my favourite memories of 2014. I took my fourth trip to Vegas in three years and finally had a chance to meet my long time internet friend and colleague Liz. I also tried my hand at online dating again and discovered that Ok Cupid is a totally different scene than Plenty of Fish (Spoiler alert: more beards and less actual fish = proof that maybe I’m not Hipster Kryptonite as I once suspected.)

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, February is peak season for sex and relationship bloggers like myself. I spent my Valentines Day weekend with my best friend and her fiancé hanging out in Vancouver. I also wrote one of my most popular posts ever about the 20 guys you’ll meet online dating in Victoria. The article went viral in my town, which lead to being interviewed by the CBC and a series of radio appearances on Kool FM. It’s funny, because so many people saw the article that whenever it comes up, people are like, “that was you?” I’ve since become known at parties as “that girl that wrote that thing about dating that everyone read.”

In March I shared the 10 things I learned from How I Met Your Mother, waxed poetic about some of my favourite female centric books and reviewed some very sexy pink lingerie. While continuing to date, I shared the 18 photos that you should remove from your online profile immediately – a favourite post of mine that was featured in Business Insider.

April was an introspective month for me. I shared with you guys why I can’t have sex in my own bedroom and other things that I have learned about love, sex and dating at 33. I reviewed more pink lingerie and had the Interns help me with my critique of Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines video (another favourite post from 2014)

May was National Masturbation Month, so I devoted the entire month of posts to reviewing sex toys. Writing this many reviews back to back made me realize that I was suffering from sex-blogger burnout and needed to scale back on the products I showcase on the blog in order to focus on other writing projects. May also marked the swift return and departure of Fitness Guy – an experience that reminded me that lust be damned, the right guy isn’t the one who disappears. 

One of the highlights of July was that I got a sexy, new work/living space that I totally adore. I also mused on what we can learn about “sensuality” from the 1970’s and wrote about the positive side of rejection & why chemistry is so, so important. I also started dating a younger man and learned a few things along the way.

August found me attending my best friend’s wedding, as well as taking a mini-vacation to Kelowna and Seattle. The month was a heady mix of writing and socializing…and yes, I’m writing a book.

September (my birthday month!) was absolutely gorgeous and I fully took advantage of it with this poolside bikini review. I also discussed how when it comes to dating, everyone has their hardboiled non-negotiables.  This was also the month that I took another trip to Seattle where I met up with Berrak & Kelly.

In October I decided to try eHarmony only to realize that it’s the online dating equivalent of a Jane Austen novel  ( & apparently the computer thinks that my “soulmate” is a guy who dresses up in blackface for Halloween. Shudder.) I may have struck out on eHarmony, but I was chosen as one of Vancouver’s Most Eligible Bachelorettes (wahoo!) which still seems surreal to me. I also shared a story about my fling with the sexy Russian.

In November I wrote about my affair with The European and one of the big lessons I’ve learned this year: that it’s possible to have meaningful, respectful, good sex that’s also casual, without losing your heart or your head.

Although December was a blur of writing and holiday activities, I’m happy that I finished off the year by sharing the story of what I learned from falling for Donny: that chemistry is ridiculously important, however it can’t be everything.  I got my heart knocked around a bit with that experience, but it helped me get a better picture on what I really am looking for.

When came to “going all in” this past year I learned one really important lesson: “going all in” definitely pays off, however you can’t go big in all areas of your life, all at the same time. When I went big with my writing, my social life suffered. When I threw my heart and body into my relationships, (while fun and exciting) my feelings and sense of peace often suffered. I opened my heart, worked hard and took some blows both personally & professionally, however I’m happy with how the year turned out. I rang in the New Year exactly as I hoped I would: with a great group of friends, dancing with champagne in hand to Notorious B.I.G. It doesn’t really get any better than that in my books.

I have even bigger goals I plan on accomplishing in 2015. I’ll need to keep my wits about me, so I‘ve decided instead of another year of going big in all areas of my life, I’m going to place a greater focus on balance and consistency. To make it easy for you to join me on this journey, I’ve finally broken the seal on the newsletter subscription for this blog. If you’d like to get weekly-ish updates from me designed to make your day a little bit more fun and sexy (think links to cool stuff, discount codes & other goodies), you can sign up for the newsletter here or via the opt-in banner on the righthand sidebar of the blog. I hope you’ll join me! It’s going to be an interesting ride.

What’s your theme for 2015?

Happy New Year. Let’s Break Up.

As my first order of business in 2015, I’ve decided to end a relationship.

It started as most of these things do: I’d heard all kinds of great stories about them from friends. For example, how supportive and helpful they were. My best friend even invited them to her wedding. Naturally, I was curious. However, it wasn’t until a fateful night before Christmas that we finally met and went out for the first time. I had high hopes for this union, but after one very long and chafe inducing date, I’ve decided that it’s never going to work out between us.

You guys, I’ve decided to break up with Spanx.

In case you’re a male reader or have been living under a rock, Spanx is a line of shape-wear designed for women. “Shape wear” is basically superhero style underwear designed to hold all your jiggly parts in place so that you have a smoother silhouette under your clothes. I think this scene from the movie The Heat, between Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy sums it up best.

whats-popping-ou
Although a lot of my girlfriends have long toted the virtues of Spanx, I spent the first 32 years of my life living in a bubble of ignorance where shape-wear wasn’t even part of my vocabulary. I lived a very fast paced, high stress lifestyle in a busy metropolis where I was constantly on the go. I ate what I wanted, worked out when I could and the weight just fell off. If you hate “old me” it’s OK – I kind of do too.

However, as I’ve mentioned before, when I moved back to the West Coast my body started to change. Whereas most people probably move to the “healthy lifestyle” capital of the world with the assumption that they’ll lose weight, I gained almost 20 lbs. My former willowy, slightly frail looking figure started to fill out, revealing curves that I wasn’t quite used to. Although I think I look healthier now, it’s still been an adjustment getting used to my new body. Whereas in my 20’s I never really spent much time thinking about my body, now that I’ve gone through what feels like a second puberty in my 30’s, I’m hyper aware of what I put into it and how I treat it. Like I said, I’m still getting used to this.

My body has continued to change, especially since I started lifting weights and boxing. I’m stronger and healthier than I have been in years, but  that isn’t to say I still don’t have my moments of insecurity.

Now flash forward to a few weeks ago, when I was trying to figure out what to wear to an upcoming Christmas party. I decided that come hell or high water, I would wear this gorgeous dress that I purchased to wear in Vegas a few years ago. After two years of not being able to zip it up, it finally fit again. However, if I was going to pull this off, I knew I needed some help so that I could feel 100% confident.

This is how I found myself perusing the Spanx aisle at my local department store. A friend if mine recently told me that she wore Spanx under her wedding gown (and looked gorgeous!) so, how bad could they be? I picked out a pair of VERY high-waisted panties, handed over my credit card and called it a day.

Spanx 4

Although the look was far from sexy, the Spanx were able to take all of my bumps and bulges, and streamline them into one, smooth, flesh-coloured meat suit. However, when it came time to get dressed for my Christmas party, my dress still didn’t feel right. In the end, I swapped my original frock for a short, black dress that’s always made me feel sexy and confident. I was running late and not really thinking, so I decided to just leave the Spanx on. After all, I’d paid $40 for this weird meat-suit and I was going to get my money’s worth! However, by the first course of dinner, when my insides felt like they were being squeezed by the hands of God, I realized that I was in for an interesting evening.

During my first and last date with Spanx I learned a few things:

1) Spanx and having to pee do not mix – My night was going well until I realized I had to go to the bathroom and actually remove the meat suit. I discovered that you can’t just take off Spanx, you have to slither out of them. This takes time. If you try and pull them down too quickly you’re in for some of the worst chafing of your life (I had a serious case of Spanx Burn for the entire week and a half after the party.) Because of this and the fact that the washroom facilities at the party were limited, I spent most of the night responding to knocks on the door asking, “Is everything OK in there?” Thanks to Spanx, I’m pretty sure that everyone  thinks I’m either a drug addict or have some kind of extreme intestinal disorder (or both.)

Spanx 1

2. The only thing worse than wearing Spanx, is having to explain to the person you’re about to have sex with that you’re wearing Spanx. It was a fun Christmas party. There were lots of cocktails. Stuff happened. At the end of the night I found myself in the bedroom of a handsome guy I was very much looking forward to having sex with. As he started to undress with envious ease, I remembered the Spanx.

View Post

My Top 10 ‘Must Have’ Sex Toys

TOP 10 SEX TOYSFriends are always asking me for sex toy recommendations, so I thought I would put together a list of my favourite toys in my collection. These are the sex toys that I reach for again & again, and confidently recommend to friends. I hope you enjoy!

(BTW, I loathe batteries, so all of these toys are fully rechargeable.)

top 10 -11. The We-Vibe Touch – When it comes to small clitoral vibrators, I consider the We-Vibe Touch the gold standard. I happily recommend this toy to everyone, because I feel like it’s a toy almost anyone could enjoy. Ergonomically designed so it fits perfectly in the palm of your hand, the We-Vibe Touch offers a really great range of vibrations – from delicate and teasing to really intense. You can use the flexible tip for pin-pointed stimulation or the larger surface for all over vibration. For people who’ve never used a vibrator, the We-Vibe Touch is a great place to start. I reach for this one often for both solo and couples play! (original review)

Top 10 - 32. The Body & Soul Lover by Cal Exotics – For someone who is looking to purchase their first rabbit vibrator, the Body & Soul Lover is my go-to recommendation. It’s small and non-intimidating and yet, it seems to hit all of the right spots (even for someone like me who tends to prefer larger toys.) I’ve recommended this toy to several readers with lots of positive feedback. (original review)

Top 10-73. The Lelo Insignia Soraya – I debated whether to include this luxe rabbit vibrator on this list. Even though it’s my favourite, a huge part of the reason I love it so much is because it fits my body absolutely perfectly. My g-spot is located fairly far back and the Soraya’s long, straight shaft with a slightly flared head hits it like no other toy I own (every. single. time.) I also love that the clitoral arm is super flexible, making it easy to control the amount of pressure on your clitoris. Oh and it’s a totally gorgeous toy, which also doesn’t hurt. (original review, toy available here)

Top 10 -64. The Crave Duet – I’ve referred to this sleek and tiny vibrator as the James Bond of sex toys because it’s one sexy and sophisticated little beast. I love how the flexible arms surround my clit – leading to mind blowing orgasms every, single time. The fact that you can “dismantle” this toy and easily travel with it, makes me feel like I’m carrying around my very own sexy, spy-worthy secret weapon. (original review)

Top 10 -85. The We-Vibe Tango – When it comes to tiny bullet vibrators, the We-Vibe Tango blows everything else out of the water. Made of hard, shiny plastic that easily transmits vibrations, this bullet is ridiculously intense for it’s tiny size. If you enjoy powerful clitoral stimulation, this is a fun one for couples play or for those times when time is scarce and you just want to have an orgasm, like, right now. (original review)

Top 10 -116. Lelo Ina – This stylized rabbit  is not for the faint of heart. The curved shaft presses on your g-spot while equally curved arm presses on your clitoris. Combine these two features with strong, rumbly vibrations and you have a very intense experience. The first time I used this toy I felt like I had stars and rockets and sparkly unicorns shooting out of my vagina. This toy is a lot of fun, but not recommended for first timers or anyone who doesn’t like really intense pressure & stimulation on their clitoris. (original review)

Top 10 -27. The Jimmyjane Form 2 – Similar to the Crave Duet, the Jimmyjane Form 2 has two “arms” or “rabbit ears” that can be used to surround your clit and powerful, intense vibrations. Use the “ears” to hug your clit, or the tips of the ears for pinpointed stimulation – either way, this is a great clitoral vibe for people who like their vibrators powerful, rumbly and compact. (original review)

Top 10 -108. Lelo Mona – Mona was the first luxury vibrator I ever purchased and she remains one of my  favourites to this day. The Lelo Mona has a similar g-spot friendly shape to the Lelo Ina, minus the clitoral arm. You can use it internally or externally, making it a versatile (and oh so pretty) addition to your toy chest. (original review, toy available here.)

Top 10 -99. The Lovehoney Happy Rabbit – Looking to upgrade your old rabbit vibrator with something luxurious, effective and affordable? Like toys that are on the slightly larger side? Meet the Love-honey Happy Rabbit. You’re welcome. (original review)

Top 10 - 510. The Sqweel Go – I love this little guy. I don’t reach for this toy all the time, but when I do I always enjoy the experience. It’s small, affordable and just so different. The Sqweel Go is a great addition to your bedroom arsenal if you already have a few toys and want to mix things up.

Honourable mentions:

The Revel Body Sonic: Like the Sqweel, this one is so different in a weird and wonderful way that I find myself playing with it quite a bit lately. (original review)

The Jopen Vr12: In case you haven’t noticed, I love a good rabbit vibrator. This one has a shaft that rotates. Yes, rotates. Need I say more? (original review)

Now that I’ve shared mine, what are your favourite toy(s)?

Interview | Living a Sexy Life with Katrina McKay of Ohhh Canada

When the topic of my job comes up, people usually have the same two questions: 1) How did you transition from a day job to working for yourself full-time? 2) What’s it like talking about sex all day?!

I’m in the process of writing a post for you guys that shares my journey as freelance writer, however in the meantime I thought it would be cool if I spoke to some of my favourite sex-positive entrepreneurs, in hopes that they’d share some of their wisdom. I’ve featured products from Ohhh Canada regularly on this blog, so I decided to catch up with the CEO, Katrina McKay, to get her thoughts on sex positive entrepreneurship and what it means to live a sexy life.

unnamedWhat made you want to leave your corporate job to pursue life as an entrepreneur?

I was lucky to find myself jobs at very entrepreneurial companies at the beginning of my career and worked in an innovative field – marketing. Marketing is all about knowing your numbers, assessing risk and executing on brilliant ideas; and that’s really what entrepreneurship is about, too. At a certain point in my career, I just didn’t feel satisfied anymore… I felt like I could do more. Plus I’ve ALWAYS been an entrepreneur – for me it’s not a job, but a lifestyle, a calling, my purpose. I was born an entrepreneur. I was always that kid with the new idea on how to make a buck… always selling something from lemonade to greeting cards to tickets to a theatre show. When it came to a point where I felt like I wasn’t able to be myself at my place of work anymore, I knew it was time to take the ultimate career risk and go at it on my own. It took me nine months after making my decision to leave to ACTUALLY leave – I made sure that Ohhh Canada and my other endeavours were profitable enough to support themselves…and to support me!

I know you mostly as the CEO of Ohhh Canada (that’s how we met initially!) and as Kat the Sexpert from my Toronto Sun articles, however I know you have your hands in several entrepreneurial pies, so to speak. What else are you up to business wise?

I adore small business – mine and other people’s. Ohhh Canada combines two of my passions perfectly – entrepreneurship and sex. I get to help people “express their sexy”, and I get to be an example of others of what’s possible in small business. The “Kat the Sexpert” site and brand is a natural offshoot of Ohhh, but no longer directly affiliated – as I’m getting booked more and more in the US and internationally it didn’t make sense to have my brand of helping others feel sexier be exclusively part of Ohhh. Sort of related, I’m co-designing a line of leggings and lingerie with my mother, who is also Ohhh’s Warehouse Manager. She’s a costume designer and extremely talented seamstress… so look out for those leggings in 2015 with other lingerie pieces to follow.

I also run an international business growth consultancy. We call ourselves the “un-agency” because we don’t care about winning awards, and we’re not exclusively marketing-related. We’re about driving bottom-line results for the companies we work with. All of that falls under the KatrinaMcKay.com brand. We’re really choosy with the companies we work with, because my team and I (eight strong in total across all of my companies) become much more like an internal team than an outsourced solution and that means that our personalities have to mesh as well.

Lastly I am a business coach to a roster of extremely talented entrepreneurs both involved in sexy businesses and non-sex related businesses. This is something I am very proud of – I love being a small part of the success stories of others. I work with entrepreneurs one-on-one to help them achieve the next level of success. To name just a few of the amazing business I’m involved in – Brass Vixens,  THEIT,  Elixir,  Flores Boticario,  Carmen Rachel and many more (too many to mention here). Coaching is really fulfilling – I get to help others avoid the stumbling blocks I encountered with my own businesses! Coaching has also led to a lot of speaking – particularly on how I left my 9-to-5 to strike out on my own and how to build your small business brand. Sidenote: I was always told I couldn’t talk about sexy stuff AND be taken seriously in business. Good thing I ignored all my naysayers – and hopefully in sharing my story with you we’ll inspire others to do that same!

unnamed-1

Ok, so, whenever I’m talking to people about my writing career, one of the first questions people usually ask when I tell them what I write about is “Why sex?” What made you want to launch a sex-positive business/career?

I wonder if our answer is going to be the same here. I’ve always been the go-to girl for my friends. I went to a private very conservative board school for high school, and I would often have girls knocking on my door late at night to ask me questions about bisexuality and other issues… For example, I remember distinctly one girl really worried that she’d turned into a lesbian because she had a sex dream about her roommate (for the record I believe everyone should feel free to define themselves, or not define themselves, by whatever criteria they deem fit). Plus even as a child I remember always being really interested in sex and sexuality… curious as to what made people tick, and why boobs were considered sexual. I love sex – it’s a fascinating driving force in our personal and professional lives and we need to talk more about it. No one should feel shame or embarrassment about their sexual feelings or inclinations. Talking about sex is important. My business and my work as Kat the Expert, and this blog, all help in little ways to help others open up about sex and enjoy their sexual selves.

View Post

Latest pins

Follow on Pinterest