Sex Archives - Page 2 of 18

Last month I spent five hilarity filled, sun-soaked days at Temptation Resort, Cancun – a topless optional, “playground for grownups.” The adult-themed resort recently underwent 11 months of extensive, multi-million dollar renovations and a complete rebuild, lead by world-renowned designer Karim Rashid (you may own his garbage can). The result is a luxurious, ultra-modern and playful candy coloured space that makes you feel like you’re temporarily living in a pack of Jolly Ranchers.

When I agreed to go on this trip, I wasn’t really sure what to expect. I had a lot of questions, concerns, and just general curiosities. I recently wrote about my Temptation experience in the Toronto Sun. However, I thought it would be useful to put together a post that answers FAQs.

Going to Temptation for your first time? Here are a few things you should know:

1. Going topless is completely optional.

Believe it or not, I’m actually pretty shy about showing my body in public. I was concerned that I’d get to the resort and be the only person hanging out by the pool fully covered. Turns out, I had nothing to worry about. Going topless is completely optional. Some people are topless, others are not. Whatever your comfort level, no one judges you (I even rocked a one-piece while hanging out on the beach!)

2. You will see boobs. Lots of boobs.

It’s kind of inevitable. Within my first 20 minutes at Temptation, I looked across the pool and saw a woman vigorously applying sunscreen to her very ample breasts. These kinds of moments become so commonplace that they kind of stop registering after the first day or so. Also, good call re the sunscreen. Apparently burnt nipples are not much fun.

3. It’s not a Swingers resort.

Temptation is an “adult-centric, superior all-inclusive, topless-optional resort” designed to be a “playground for adults” aged 21+ who “love to party in a free-spirited atmosphere.” While Temptation is very clear that it’s not a Swingers resort, you will meet guests who consider themselves Swingers or Lifestyle (however, as one couple I spoke to told me with a wink, “we’re not swingers but some of the people we sleep with are“).

Everyone has their own reasons for coming to Temptation. Some folks just want to go topless and love the laid-back, friendly vibe. Other guests are there to spice up their relationship and/or test boundaries (even if they’re not actively trying to hook up with anyone, there’s the possibility that it may happen and sometimes that’s enough.) And of course, there are also people (like me) who just want to chill by the pool and eat as much guacamole as possible, with zero judgment. However you cut it, if you have a freak flag, this is the perfect place to fly it.

4. The crowd is older.

Although the resort is actively trying to bring in more millennial-aged guests, for the most part, the crowd is late their 20’s to early 30’s and up. The price point is a bit higher than a generic resort, so that tends to attract a more mature and established crowd. While I met a lot of people in their 30’s and early 40’s, there are also lots of guests in their 60’s and 70’s!

5. The vibe is very body positive.

Without really advertising it as such. You will see bodies of all different shapes, sizes, and ages in various stages of undress. There’s no judgment. There’s no shame. Everyone is just doing their thing. If you’re tired of worrying about what you look like in a bathing suit, this is the perfect place to go. By the end of my stay, I felt a renewed sense of acceptance and love towards my own bod.

6. The food is good.

I know it seems counter intuitive to come back from a sexy adult themed resort and want to talk about the food, but it was really quite excellent. With seven different specialized restaurants on the property, there’s a little bit of everything. My favorite restaurant overall was Sea Flirt. I loved their Mexican inspired breakfasts and modern seafood dinners. Dinner at Romanza (high-end Italian) was also excellent. Other favorites include the cheese empanadas and taco dorados at Rain (buffet), the guacamole & ceviche at Amores (Mexican/American) and basically all of the desserts. Also, bottomless fresh squeezed juices at breakfast!

7. It’s all-inclusive, but bring money for tips.

Although it says all tips are included, the staff is really lovely and you’ll want to tip them. It’s just good form. I’d budget $20 USD/per day on tips.

8. You can easily plug in your phone and electronics in your room.

I thought I’d have to bring an adapter/travel plug set, but it turns out you don’t need one for Mexico. Inside the rooms at Temptation Cancun you’ll find these cute little nooks built into the wall on either side of the bed where you can easily plug in all your electronics. Also, no need to bring a straightening iron – there’s one in every bathroom.

9. The gift shop sells Cialis and Viagra but may not carry items like gum and bobby pins.

I learned this the hard way (heh, pun not intended). Luckily there’s a drugstore directly across the street from the hotel where you can get all kinds of things — including deeply discounted over-the-counter skin products (Retin A, Kitocell) without a prescription. FYI, you cannot buy Xanax or Adderall without a prescription. I asked…for a friend.

10. Ordering room service off the TV is kind of amazing.

There’s a fancy, schmancy digital room service system that you can access through your TV. It’s 24-hours and all-inclusive. Perfect for those late night chips and guacamole cravings.

11. There are two pools, each with a distinctly different vibe.

The “sexy pool” is the party pool where things can get pretty wild, whereas the “quiet pool” is exactly what it sounds like: mellow and laid-back. I liked having a choice between the two.

12. There’s an unofficial message board where guests can connect.

Many guests come back every year or even multiple times a year, so it makes sense that they have their own message board. Cancun Care is a place where guests can connect, arrange meetups and talk about their experiences. It’s also where you can sign up for The Boob Cruise. Yes, that’s totally a thing and it’s exactly what it sounds like.

13. You will see and hear things that can’t be unseen/heard.

While on the way to our first dinner together, our group of journalists passed by a group of people partying completely nude on their balcony. While sexual activity is prohibited in public spaces, you will see things. Some of the things we witnessed: A very large man in a very tiny man-thong. The beginnings of what looked like a foursome popping off in the pool. An underwater blow-job/hand-job. More men in thongs. To quote my friend Laura, “my eyes will never be the same.”

14. If hooking up with a couple is on your sexual bucket list, this is a good place to turn that fantasy into a reality.

Not every couple at Temptation is there to hook up (see above), but if you’re looking for that kind of connection, this is a good place to meet other people who are open to it. Even if you’re not looking to “play,” you’ll probably get hit on — or at the very least checked out – by a couple. Everyone is really respectful though, so if you’re not into it, it’s totally OK to politely decline.

15. Temptation is an environment of consent and respect.

The hardest thing to get used to about Temptation is how decidedly UN-creepy it all is. There is a strict “no means no” policy that’s built into the Temptation Cancun resort guidelines that every guest has to sign off on upon check-in. People will ask you before they touch you — even if it’s just a hug.

16. If you’re a light sleeper and like to go to bed early, bring some earplugs.

The music from the outdoor nightclub Bash, usually winds down around 2 am. Depending on where your room is located, you might be able to hear it when you’re trying to sleep. If you’re a light sleeper (like I am) and tend to go to bed early, you might want to bring along a pair of earplugs.

17. You will make friends.

This trip was the first time since my #BiSC days where I went somewhere and felt like I met my people. I was lucky enough to go to Temptation with 8 other amazing, hilarious journalists. We started as strangers but ended the trip as friends. With that said, I feel like many of the returning guests would say the same thing about their Temptation experience. When asked what they love about Temptation, everyone says “the people.” Everyone is really friendly and open, so it’s incredibly easy to strike up conversations with strangers.

18. You will go topless.

On my last full day at the resort, I worked up the courage to go topless. It wasn’t a big deal and it felt kind of amazing.

19. By the end of your stay, you’ll find yourself with 5-8 new BFFs, carrying around your possessions (which include an armload of discount over the counter acne medications) in a rain-soaked hat.

AND IT WILL BE THE BEST THING EVER. #NoRegrets

20. Temptation will win you over.

Maybe it was the amazing people I met, the daily breakfast enchiladas I consumed or the sheer ridiculousness of it all (where else can you find a poolside “orgasm faking contest” or dance half-naked to Billy Ocean’s Carribean Queen while enjoying the best the swim-up bar has to offer?) but in just a few short days, Temptation managed to turn me from a skeptic into a believer.

I thought it was a high time I wrote an update! First of all, let me start off by thanking everyone for the kind responses to my recent post about dating women. Not only do I feel good about taking this leap in my personal life, I’m also really glad that I took a risk and decided to share it in a really public forum. The responses I’ve received have been really positive and kind. So, thank you.

Although I’m not actively trying to date right now (I’ve kind of put my dating apps on pause mode to focus on some work projects), I do have a few things thoughts to share about my experiences thus far.

Knowledge is power. I hope?

A few years ago I received The Lesbian Sex Bible: The New Guide to Sexual Love for Same-Sex Couples by Diana Cage as a review copy and (ahem) kind of forgot to review it. Originally I was going to pass it on to a queer female friend to review, but for some reason never got around to it – and thank god. This book has been super helpful.

If we’re being completely honest, lesbian sex makes me nervous. I know exactly what to do with men but with women…not so much (at least, I’m worried about not knowing certain things). The Lesbian Sex Bible has been a good resource for answering my questions. I don’t have anything to compare it to but I feel like it provides a pretty decent intro to anyone who is curious about Lesbian sex. And it’s a book! And I’m a book person!

I’ve also learned through my lady dating adventures that not everyone uses lube (let alone owns 6+ different kinds at any given time OR owns sex toys (something I have no shortage of). So, basically if my sex life were an equation it would look like this:

Knowledge & Sex Gear > Actual Experience.

I’m basically the bisexual version of Kenny Fisher from Can’t Hardly Wait, complete with Biggie Smalls references but minus the backpack and offensive braids. And fuck it, I’m just going to lean into it.

I lost my virginity for the second time.

I won’t say too much, just that she was lovely and that the experience was really amazing. I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better first time. It didn’t feel weird or “omg, this is what I’ve been waiting for all my life because it’s so much better than being with men!” It just felt normal and good.

I’m still not very good at reading women and whether they’re interested in me.

Unless they’re being super obvious. Ladies, if you’re interested, let your intentions be known. I’m new here.

Separate bathroom trips are advised.

If you’re on a date with an attractive woman you’re hoping to make out with later, do not decide to go to the bathroom at the same time after brunch. You will end up in adjacent stalls. You will hear noises. It will be awkward. The romance will die. Don’t do it.

The clothing scramble is real.

Trying to locate your clothing in the dark is a lot more confusing when you’re the same gender. This summer was the first time I said after sex, “that looks amazing on you, but I’m going to need my $200 bra that I got for free from the internet back.”

Just because you find someone beautiful doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be attracted to them.

After going on a handful of good dates with some really lovely women, I started to feel like maybe something was wrong with me because these dates were very chaste. Very little touching, no goodnight kiss – even after several dates. This is very different from most of my experiences dating men. Were we just friends? What was going on?! These women felt impossible to read. Looking back, the answer was obvious all along. We just didn’t have any chemistry…and I have the feeling they felt the same way about me. It took meeting someone I actually had chemistry with to realize this.

If there’s one creepy straight dude at an LGBT event, he will find me.

EVERY. DAMN. TIME.

And he’ll lurk like the seasoned lurker he is until Rhonda who does bodybuilding comes over and tells him to hit the road.

Because, you know, this is my life after all.

Real talk: your body starts to go through some interesting changes in your 30’s. I’ve gained weight, lost weight, dealt with adult acne, finally cured said acne—the list goes on. The latest phenomenon to add to my ever-growing list of body changes: hormonal night sweats. I wake up drenched at least 4-5 nights per month. It’s disconcerting, it’s uncomfortable and, apparently, totally normal for someone my age. Has anyone else experienced these?

Another thing I’ve heard a lot about but haven’t experienced yet is vaginal dryness. I’ve written a lot about the benefits of lube in the bedroom, but what if you just feel dry on a day to day basis?

I firmly believe that in order to feel good in our bodies, we need to be able to have open, honest conversations about them—even about the stuff that may seem less than sexy. So, today I’ve teamed up with Vagisil to get the conversation started.

Although vaginal dryness doesn’t currently affect me at this point in my life, I do have some women in my life who have experienced issues with dryness following pregnancy and other hormonal changes. Here’s what we need to remember: experiencing vaginal dryness is also completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of.

I used to think that vaginal dryness was just a menopause issue, but actually, women of all ages can experience it at some time in their life. There are a bunch of potential causes of vaginal dryness, including:

Stress
Pregnancy
Certain medications (like antihistamines and birth control pills)
Periods
Menopause/Peri-menopause
Hormones
Postnatal hormone shifts
IVF treatments

More real talk: I have a long-standing relationship with Vagisil products. Years ago, when I first moved to Toronto as a somewhat wide-eyed 18-year-old and was living on my own for the first time, I experienced my first yeast infection. I remember calling my mom because I had no idea what was happening to my body (I think my exact words were, “Mom, I’m pretty sure I’m dying”). One of the first things she suggested was that I go pick up a tube of Vagisil® Extra Strength Anti-Itch crème. FYI: I wasn’t dying and the cream definitely provided some relief.

Vagisil recently launched ProHydrate Natural Feel Moisturizing Gel, a product designed to target vaginal dryness. With no added estrogen, perfumes, dyes or preservatives, it’s designed to give women a feeling of natural moisture, wherever and whenever, with a discreet and easy to use applicator.

So, what exactly is ProHydrate Natural Feel Moisturizing Gel? Good question. Basically, it’s a product designed to relieve dryness anytime and make sex more comfortable. Fast acting and long lasting, it has a unique bio-adherent formula that coats the vaginal wall to provide dryness relief instantly, then slowly releases moisture over time. It does this through a unique blend of moisturizers, including Hyaluronic Acids (HA’s), a naturally occurring hydrator found in skin, so it feels like your own natural moisture.

As we age, the percentage of Hyaluronic Acid in our skin decreases which can lead to dryness and fragility. Hyaluronic Acid is so effective that a tiny amount holds up to 1000 times its weight in water and it naturally attracts and retains moisture.

To provide continuous comfort you can use Vagisil® ProHydrate Natural Feel every three days.

“Sounds great, but how do I get the product where it needs to be?”

Anyone who’s used any kind of intimate lubricant knows that things can get, uh, messy fast. One of the things I think is really cool about the ProHydrate Natural Feel Moisturizing Gel is that it comes with single-use pre-filled applicator inserts (wrapped in tampon-like packaging) that effortlessly target the source of dryness. They’re easy to use and totally discreet.

I was also sent a few other products to check out:

Vagisil® pH Balanced wash.

Did you know that your period, tight clothes, sex, even body washes and soap can disrupt your pH balance? This gentle cleanser contains LactoPrebiotic to help support a healthy pH balance. If you’re like me and find a lot of body washes really irritating, this might be a good option for you.

Vagisil® Extra Strength Anti-Itch crème.

Ah yes, an old standby. Although I’ve been lucky and haven’t needed to use this product lately, it’s always a good one to keep handy just in case. Because, well, life with a vagina can be unpredictable.

So, while I don’t necessarily need to use all of these products currently, it’s really nice to know I have options from a brand I trust, if/when I need them in the future.

This post was sponsored by Vagisil. All opinions are my own, because that’s how I roll.

Email address:

This post has been brewing for awhile. Today we’re going to talk about text messages. Gross, disturbing, overtly sexual, inappropriate, creepy and uncalled for sexts.

But, before we get to that we need to talk about The Actor. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned him, which now seems like a major oversight.

The Actor and I met in 1999 while we were both working at an upscale menswear store in downtown Toronto (one of my first part time jobs when I moved to the city.) Although we only worked together for a short time, he made an impression on me. He was studying pre-med and seemed kind & thoughtful. He was also cute – in a rather unsettling way.

The Actor and I look alike. Scarily alike.

In fact, when we were introduced my first thought was, “if I was a man, I would look exactly like him.” He has a porcelain complexion, blue-green eyes framed by dark expressive eye-brows and a thick mop of curly dark hair. Although my hair at the time was dyed a frosted blonde (hello, it was the late 90’s), other people noticed the resemblance too. A bunch of my coworkers just assumed The Actor and I we were related. On several occasions people asked me in earnest if he was my brother.

I’d have to explain, “Oh, you mean ________? Yeah, we’re not related.”

Coworker: “Are you sure?”

Faux familial ressemblance aside, The Actor and I had a connection but I never pursued anything with him because I had a boyfriend at the time. We both stopped working at the menswear store shortly thereafter.

Flash-forward a year later: I’m now single and attending the same university as The Actor where e’d periodically bump into each other around campus every few months. At the end of third year, I ran into him while on the way to my summer school class and we ended up having an extended stop & chat. He told me he had been doing some acting. I assumed he had (like me) shot a few low budget student films. We exchanged numbers and agreed to hang out (finally!)

I was at the video store near my apartment when I saw the poster. The bottom half featured a dark haired man and woman in bed. Above the image: a 2-ft wide set of eerily familiar blue-green eyes. It was The Actor. The movie he had starred in wasn’t some run of the mill student production, it was an award winning film by a world renowned director. I was stunned.

The Actor was kind of a big deal.

A few nights later we went on our first date to a popular upscale pub located near campus. We sat on the patio and the conversation flowed nicely. At this point in my dating career, I was used to spending time with sullen, sardonic, troubled dudes (read: douchebags), so The Actor’s disposition caught me off guard. He seemed legitimately happy and excited about everything – including hanging out with me.

At some point during the night I got up to use the washroom and was accosted by two girls.

“Are you with ________?” they asked.

“Yes, we’re having a drink.”

“Oh my god, he’s so dreamy,” one of them said.

“Uh, yeah, I guess” I replied.

“You know he’s like a total player right?” the other one said.

“Uh?”

“Yeah, you should be careful. He like, totally broke two of my friends’ hearts.”

All I could think during this interaction was, “THAT GUY?! REALLY?” Sure, he was adorable but The Actor just seemed really sweet and kind of hapless. I was well versed in dating players and he didn’t strike me as one.

I politely assured them that I could handle myself and went back to our table.

I was dating several different guys that summer. When I told my best friend this story, she said, “really, he should have been worried about you.” She has a point.

We went out 3 or 4 more times, during which we had a few make-out sessions. On our second to last date, I invited him back to my place. We were kissing, when he pretended to lose his balance, pulling me onto my bed. It was a move out of…well, a movie (and not a good one).

We kissed some more but I stopped things before they went too far. Maybe it was his cheesy make-out move, his exuberant (bordering on slightly manic) energy or the fact that WE LOOKED RELATED, but something felt a bit off. Although I liked The Actor, I decided to hold off on sex until I could get a better read on him.

A few weeks later, I went back to the West Coast for the summer. In September, he invited me to be his date at the Toronto Film Festival Holt Renfrew party, but I had a terrible case of bronchitis and couldn’t go.

(My Mom is still mad at me for this and insists I should have just “sucked it up and went.” She’s always been a fan of The Actor and sees him as “the one that got away.” She never misses a chance to remind me of this whenever she sees him in something on TV.)

The Actor and I lost touch for a few years until we found each other on Facebook. By that point he’d moved to LA to pursue acting full time and I was in a serious long term relationship.

There have been many times between then and now that I have thought back on what did, or rather what didn’t happen between me and The Actor. Was I really not into him, or was I just turned off by the fact that he seemed too nice? Accustomed to dating assholes, I used to think that nice guys were corny. However, now that I’m in my 30’s and a little bit wiser, a corny guy actually sounds pretty great.

So, when The Actor reached out to me on Instagram a few months ago, I was intrigued. He’d noticed photos from my recent trip to Los Angeles and mentioned that we should hang out next time I was in town. We exchanged numbers and he texted me that night.

Maybe I was being totally naive, but that evening I allowed myself to daydream about what our time in LA might look like: afternoon bike rides along the Venice boardwalk followed by dinner & drinks at Sugarfish. This could turn into the perfect vacation fling…. or maybe something more? Was The Universe finally sending me my very own Canadian/American Angeleno Dream Man?!

However, NOTHING could have prepared me for what came next.

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It’s funny, as someone who writes about love and sex, I’ve discovered there’s a big descrepancy between what people think I do and what I actually do on a daily basis. Spoiler alert: my average day probably isn’t anywhere as sexy as you think it is. Think less lying around in lingerie, musing about modern romance and more wearing real pants & getting shit done. However, yesterday was an anomaly. I spent the afternoon doing what I think people probably assume I do, which is watch hours of porn at my desk.

When people ask me for “good” porn suggestions I never know what to say because frankly, I don’t watch very much. It’s not because I have a problem with it (unlike Governor Gary Herbert, I don’t think porn is a “health hazard” as long as it’s made by consenting adults), I just find that the majority of mainstream porn doesn’t do it for me. Most of the porn I’ve seen seems really fake and mechanical. There’s way too many close ups of isolated body parts and not enough kissing and/or authentic passion. It’s just a bunch of parts going inside other parts.

Add to that the fact the majority of male performers aren’t people I’d necessarily be attracted to in real life, and well, I’m not exactly turned on. I mean, what does a girl have to do to see some regular, attractive people who are into each other boning on camera?!

Enter Erika Lust, the renowned, award winning erotic filmmaker known for creating unique female-led, sexually intelligent, cinematic adult films. Her latest project XConfessions is a crowdsourced website where fans post their fantasies and Erika chooses two to turn into short cinematic erotic films each month.

After listening to Erika’s TEDxVienna talk “It’s Time for Porn to Change” and checking out the gorgeous imagery on XConfessions, I could tell even before pressing play that this would be the kind of erotic content that I’d probably enjoy. Erika and her team kindly gave me a free month to enjoy the videos on XConfessions & I’m now ready to report back on my findings.

Let’s start by talking about the cover art. Notice something different? If you’ve ever perused adult videos, you’ll notice that these covers look completely different. They’re sexy without being raunchy; well designed and even a bit retro chic in some cases. Aesthetically speaking, the artwork for Smut on Speed (below) seems very Skinny Dip-esque, don’t you think?!

They’re pretty right? I also got a kick out of the quirky titles like Hello Pool-Boy, I Fucking Love Ikea and A Feminist Man (who hasn’t fantasized about that?!)

Erika’s motto is:

“I believe that sex is greater than porn, don’t you?”

And as she explains, “XConfessions strives to offer an alternative to the repetitive formula in adult film, creating a new wave of imaginative, artistic and explicit erotic film driven by sex-positive narratives. Unlike many other adult sites, at XConfessions you won’t find the same story or setting twice. Every short film is a story on its own, displaying a huge variety of situations, characters, fetishes and ways of having sex. It’s adult cinema like you’ve never seen it before.”

After watching more porn in the last twelve hours than I did last year, I can say that Erika nailed it (pun intended.)

The films you’ll find on XConfessions are actually good. They’re beautifully shot, well made and decently acted. Some of the films like My Moaning Neighbour (which features the adorable, handsome Mickey Mod) are actually humorous and giggle worthy. Whereas some of the other films like the sexy Pachisi play more like gorgeous, erotic music videos with good soundtracks. There’s enough of a storyline to keep you interested but not so much that it distracts from the purpose at hand, which is to show really hot sex.

For example, if you have ever fantasized about hooking up with your airbnb host (and enjoy boozy brunches) you’ll enjoy I Wish I was a Lesbian – a film about a woman who goes to stay with a lesbian couple. The threesome share what looks like a really delicious meal before going to town on each other. (The brunch looks really, really good. Like, almost as good as the sex. So, really you’re getting the best of both worlds here.)

What I liked best about XConfessions is that the performers seemed to actually be having fun with each other on screen. There’s an element of playfulness and spontaneity that I think is lacking in a lot of adult films. Also, the people in the films look like people I’d actually know or want to fuck in real life – which is huge.

As someone who tends to date outside of her own race more often than not, I also appreciated the diverse cast. There’s black men with white women, black women with white men and all kinds of variations in between. But, unlike mainstream porn, it’s not fetishized. Instead, it’s just presented as, “hey, here’s some sexy couples having sex with each other.” It’s modern, it’s inclusive and I like it.

Overall, I was really impressed with XConfessions. Not all of the videos are going to spark your fancy but there’s enough diversity that everyone is sure to find something they’re into. If you’re looking for an alternative to mainstream porn to watch either alone or with a partner, I definitely think Erika Lust is a great place to start.

If you’d like to experience XConfessions.com for yourself, Erika Lust would like to offer one of you a month’s free subscription!

To enter, all you need to do is sign up for my newsletter & leave a comment letting me know you’ve done so.

FYI, if you’re not already subscribed to my newsletter, it’s a lot of fun! Once or twice a month I’ll send you a message with updates on my book, special events & exclusive discount codes.

Get extra points overtime you tweet:

Hey @simone_paget! I want to #win a month of #XConfessions from @ErikaLust – http://wp.me/p1Yilp-2op

I’ll choose a winner Thursday August 18th.

Good luck!

20 Things You Should Know Before You Go to Temptation Cancun