Meet the Lelo Ella aka “Super Dildo”

Last week I was sitting at home doing some writing when the doorbell rang. I opened the door to a UPS guy wearing questionably short, shorts and reflective aviator sunglasses.

“Are you Simone?”

“Yes, that’s me”

“I have big package here for you”

MY LELO ELLA FROM EDEN FANTASYS HAD ARRIVED! I thanked him for the delivery and excitedly went back inside my apartment.

(My boyfriend’s comment later that day: “You’re the only person I know whose life actually sounds like the opening scene of a porno“)

I was really excited to review the Lelo Ella because when it comes to function and beautiful design, Lelo sex toys really are the creme de la creme. Finding out you get to review one for free is kind of like someone telling you “Hey, we have this Rolls Royce we want you to test drive and don’t worry about ever returning it…ever

The Lelo Ella is double ended luxury dildo designed to help stimulate the hard to reach G-Spot area. It’s made of 100% medical grade silicone (which means it’s completely safe for your lady parts…. or, man parts!) and it has a soft, smooth, velvety texture. This toy does not vibrate. Instead, it has two different ends which are made to stimulate different pressure points. The squared off end is designed specifically to reach your G-Spot, whereas the longer rounded end is for multipurpose stimulation. Because this toy is made of silicone, remember to always use a non-silicone water-based lubricant so as to not damage the texture of the toy. If you are looking for a great water based lube for sensitive lady parts, this one is totally awesome.

Like all Lelo toys, the luxury experience begins with the packaging. Ella is packaged in a minimalist black box and comes with a satin carrying pouch – both of which are elegant storage options. Considering most Lelo toys are in the $100+ range, the Ella which is priced at $39.99 provides the Lelo experience without breaking the bank.

So, I get that it’s pretty…what exactly do you do with it? One of the nice things about the Lelo Ella is that its incredibly versatile. It’s a great toy for solo play or for couples. It’s really up to you how you want to use it. It can be used on its own, in combination with a small clitoral vibe or while your partner goes down on you during foreplay. (FYI. If you can find someone who’s a good multi-tasker, I highly recommend option C).

At first I was a little skeptical about the Lelo Ella because I’ve never used a toy that doesn’t vibrate but I was very pleasantly surprised. This toy does an excellent job of stimulating the G-Spot. The squared off end of the toy took a bit more getting used to but I found both ends provided different but equal pleasurable results. Unlike the Candy Cane vibrator, the Ella is way easier to insert and maneuver. It’s not too big, its not too small, its just right.

I would recommend the Lelo Ella to anyone who is looking to discover the elusive G-Spot (its real! It exists! I promise!) You might have to play around with this toy a bit to figure out which end works best for you but once you figure it out..all I can say is “WOW”. I think one of the other Eden Fantasys reviewers said it best when describing this toy: “Hurricane Ella will likely result in earthquakes and tsunamis all across the southern seaboard” Because of the “extreme pleasurable weather conditions” associated with Ella, you might not want to use this little purple guy on your freshly washed sheets (I’m just saying)

Just as a heads up – if you are going to be experimenting with both ends, especially if you are using lube with this toy, I would suggest picking one end first and then switching only once you have had a chance to wash the toy off. Immediately switching from one end to the other is kind of like trying to play catch with a peeled banana that’s been dipped in cooking oil. It’s slippery. Very slippery.

Lastly, one more thing I love about this toy is its discreet design. Ella is great for people who don’t want a toy that looks like a giant purple penis. To quote the boyfriend:

“I’m not intimidated by this. It’s more like a giant, enhanced pleasure finger

Well put.

Because it doesn’t vibrate, Ella is the perfect toy for traveling. You could stash this little guy in your carry-on luggage and never have to worry about any embarrassing moments in the security line-up like, having to explain why your luggage is vibrating. In fact, the Ella is so neutral looking, some people might not even think its a sex toy at all.

However, just in case you encounter a really nosy TSA agent who is dead set on ransacking through your luggage, before I played with this toy I came up with a few helpful tips on how to explain away your Lelo Ella.

“It’s not a Dildo….It’s….”

“Part of a balanced diet”

“Great for preventing writers cramp”

The latest pretentious looking phone: “Oh my god, I can’t believe he said that!”
“I was like NO WAY and he was like WAY

or, my favorite: ” a post-modern shoe horn”

Did I mention the Lelo Ella is also dishwasher safe? Because it is. It’s also boilable, bleachable and it will make you a sandwich after you’re finished with it. I may be kidding about the last one however, I am convinced this toy has superpowers.

It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s a Super Dildo.
Final destination: Simone’s toy drawer.What do you guys think? What are you interested in seeing reviewed next?

As an FYI, your suggestions really do matter. Ella was sent to me because Teacher Girl commented that she was interested in knowing more about Lelo toys. So, if there is something you are interested in seeing reviewed on Skinny Dip, please comment or drop me a line!

Also, if you have any questions that you are not comfortable talking about in the comments section (regarding this post or a previous one), please email me! I’d be happy to chat & answer any questions you may have.

*The Lelo Ella was provided to me by Eden Fantasys in exchange for my honest assessment of the product.

 

Christmas "Comes" in July

When Eden Fantasy’s asked me if I would be interested in reviewing the Candy Cane G-spot vibrator, what popped into my head was: “It would be really funny if it actually looked like a Candy Cane” Then, I opened the link and voila….!

A few weeks later, the toy that looks like everyone’s favorite Christmas candy landed on my doorstep. Even though its the middle of summer, the festive packaging still got me as excited as a kid on Christmas morning.

The Specs:

The Candy Cane G-Spot vibrator by Doc Johnson is a multi-speed, waterproof, phthalates free vibrator made of Tempered Glass. Yes, you heard right. GLASS. My first thought was, “I’m supposed to put THAT…THERE?!” but, as soon as I held the toy in my hand I was less nervous. The toy has a similar sturdy feel to a Pyrex baking dish. I know that doesn’t sound very sexy but, this toy is made of food grade materials which means it’s completely safe for your girl parts and hypoallergenic – making it a great choice for people who are super sensitive.

The toy is controlled by one easy to use button, has three speeds, and takes only one AA battery. As you can see from the photo, it also has some red candy-like ribbing designed to hit certain pleasure points (I’ll explain about those in a minute!)

It retails at a very affordable $32.99.

Taking off the Wrapper:

The Candy Cane G-Spot vibrator is a very esthetically pleasing toy and I really, really wanted to like it. But, the first time I used it by myself I was a bit disappointed. The vibrations felt nice but they just weren’t strong enough to get me off. I’ve used other G-Spot vibrators before but I didn’t find that the Candy Cane did much for my G-Spot initially. The red ribbing that’s meant to increase the pleasure just felt kind of awkward and bumpy. If you are looking for a toy for solo play that has powerful vibrations and will get you off quickly, I wouldn’t recommend the Candy Cane. Instead, I would suggest something more along the lines of the True Love Honey Bunny. However, if you are super sensitive to vibrations and want something very gentle, you’d probably like what the Candy Cane has to offer.

Candy is for Sharing:

So, who WOULD enjoy this toy? COUPLES!

Woo’ed by this toy’s cute packaging, I was determined to give it a second chance. I called upon my boyfriend, who happily agreed to join in on the play session. Let’s just say- the Candy Cane vibe is much more fun with two people. I would suggest using it as a teaser during foreplay or inserting it while your partner goes down on you.

Just like you wouldn’t stuff a whole candy cane in your mouth and start to chew, this toy should be enjoyed at a leisurely pace. Don’t expect instant gratification- the more you move it around inside you, the more the pleasure actually increases. I can’t even explain exactly what the red ribbing does, except that its quite magical. After a lot of build up, I eventually just blanked out and was transported to la-la land. Sugar plum faeries were dancing and I was desperately clinging to my headboard. It was that good.

Now that I think about it, the Candy Cane G-Spot vibrator is actually a lot like Christmas. In November, the holidays still seem in the near future. Then, you notice a wreath here, a candy cane there. Whoa it’s snowing! Wait, when did the malls get so crowded?! Is that a plastic reindeer on my neighbor’s lawn? Oh god, Christmas is getting closer. Really, really close. Christmas is tomorrow! OMG, THERE ARE SO MANY PRESENTS UNDER THE TREE. PRESENTS! PRESENTS! PRESENTS EVERYWHERE! OMG, CHRISTMAS IS HERE! PRESENTS, PRESENTS EVERYWHERE! WRAPPING PAPER IS FLYING ALL OVER THE PLACE. RIBBON IS BEING PULLED. YEAH THAT’S RIGHT, RIP THAT PAPER. COME ON. RIP IT! FUCKING RIP IT! YES! YES! YES! IT’S AN IPAD! NO, ITS TIFANNY’S. ITS BOTH! ITS IPADS FOR EVERYONE! YES! YES! YES! IPAD. IPAD. IPAD. OH YES. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU. THANK YOU. breathe. exhale. After it’s all over there’s a huge mess to clean up but no one cares. Everyone is glowing and happy and then we all go to sleep.

Yes, the Candy Cane vibrator is totally like that.

To recap…

People who would enjoy the Candy Cane G-Spot vibrator:

-People who are very sensitive or have allergies & want something gentle
-Couples looking to spice up their bedroom activities with fun some sex toys.
-The toy user who already “has everything” and wants to try something totally different.
-Christmas enthusiasts.

*The Candy Cane G-Spot vibrator was provided to me by Eden Fantasys in exchange for my honest assessment of the product.

Sex toys - EdenFantasys adult toys store

What do you guys think? What are you interested in seeing my review next?

The True Love Honey Bunny

When Eden Fantasys first approached me about what kind of sex toys I’d be interested in reviewing for them, I told them:

Send me one of your Rabbit Vibrators!

A week and a half later The True Love Honey Bunny Rabbit Vibrator landed on my doorstep.

I know. I know. I know. I just wrote about how sex toys that are shaped like animals totally creep me out. In my defense, this toy passes the “no googly eyes” test and definitely looks like it belongs in the bedroom of an adult. Also, weird fact: I’ve never tried a “Rabbit Vibrator” even though its kind of famous and I’m sure many of you own a version of this toy. When I was in university, I remember watching the episode of Sex and the City where Charlotte becomes addicted to her Rabbit vibrator and thinking “I want one”. However, when I came time to buy my first toy, all of the Rabbit styles available at the time were well beyond my starving student budget. Instead, I settled on a cheaper, single function vibe that in retrospect kind of sucked. Years later, when I became interested in sex toys again, instead of going for a classic Rabbit, I opted to try more intermediate, specialty stuff like the We-Vibe. Which, I guess is the equivalent of going to a sushi bar, having one avocado roll, jumping ahead to clam sashimi and tuna tataki then, ten years later trying a California Roll for the first time (which is actually the true story of how I tried sushi). It was time to try the Rabbit.

The Specs:
Link
The True Love Honey Bunny is a multi-speed, dual function, waterproof vibrator made of translucent jelly like material. It’s Body safe, Phthalates free, Latex Free & Hypo-Allergenic which means using it won’t hurt your lady parts. It’s battery operated and takes two double A batteries.

True Love Honey Bunny I love you:

(What I like about this toy)

Dual function! You get some action on the inside as well as some much needed attention to your happy button. Although I was initially creeped out by the fact that it looks like wildlife, that little rabbit is really, really nice. The toy is also really flexible so you can easily move it around, allowing the rabbit part to hit different spots for different sensations.

It will get you off. The first time I tried it, I came within 30 seconds. I’m not kidding. Either I just have orgasms really easily (which I know is kind of true) or this toy is actually really good at what it does. (probably a bit of both).

The price! It’s fantastic. I actually didn’t know how much the toy cost when I tried it. I only checked after the fact. When I saw that it was only $39.99 USD, I couldn’t believe it. Considering most of the toys I own now are over the $100 mark, this toy is excellent value and packs a punch for the price.

It also comes in this cute metal tin that’s covered in pink, vaguely Ed Hardy-esque designs that I really want to hate but don’t for some reason. I can’t explain it. Don’t tell anyone I used the word “Like” and “Ed Hardy” in the same sentence.

The tip looks like a lollipop which kind of just makes me want to go to the convenience store and buy candy. This also cues serious feelings of regret that I didn’t buy one of those Britney Spears lollipops I saw in Vegas. I’m not sure if this should be in the Pro or the Con column.

Caught in a Bad Romance:

(The less than awesome points)

The makers of this toy promise that the True Love Honey Bunny offers “maximum vibration with minimum noise”. They lie. This toy is comically loud. After using this toy three times this week (a writer has to do their “research”) I’m convinced my neighbors think I’ve either a) decided to open my own fly by night dental clinic. It doesn’t sound like someone is getting off in my bedroom, it sounds like someone is getting their teeth drilled OR b) I’ve decided to get in touch with my inner Bob Villa and start up a bunch of evening wood working projects. Unless you want the people you live with to think you’re trying to corner the market on amateur black market dentistry OR that you’re just a weirdo who likes to masturbate all the time, this might not be the ideal toy for you.

I found the speed settings on this toy slightly frustrating. The True Love Honey Bunny has three different speeds, each featuring the same kind of vibration just at different intensity levels. After my fourth orgasm (I TOLD YOU THIS TOY WORKED), I wanted to switch things up. However, when I tried to go from the highest speed to the lowest, it meant that I had to turn the toy off completely – the speeds didn’t cycle through in a continuous loop. As someone who’s been known to call out “Faster, Harder!” in bed, once I was 4 to 5 orgasms in, the highest setting wasn’t strong enough for me. I also would have enjoyed if the toy allowed me to cycle through different kinds of vibrations while controlling the speed like I can with my Lelo Mona.

Something to also note about this toy is that its bullet shaped (its straight as opposed to curved). The shape of the toy meant that it didn’t hit my G-spot the way it could have had there been a bit of a curve like some of my other toys. But, as you can see from above – that didn’t stop me from enjoying myself.

Who would enjoy this toy:

I think this toy is a great for beginners. The vibrations are strong enough to get the job done but not hard enough to be intimidating. It could also be good for someone who is looking to add a dual function toy to their repertoire but, doesn’t want to blow the budget. The dual function feature really does make a difference. I wish this toy had been available at this price point when I was looking to lose my toy virginity many years ago.

The only drawback for some beginners is that this toy isn’t small. It has a fairly large girth (in a good way!). Some of you will probably want to use some lube with this toy.

The Verdict:

Although this toy is called the “True Love” Honey Bunny, I don’t think I’ll be fantasizing about picking out china patterns with this rabbit anytime soon. If this toy was a guy it would be that dude that you call sometimes – he’s kind of hot, maybe slightly dumb and the conversation is always terrible but he’s really well hung and knows how to get the job done. True Love no. Summer fling, maybe.

Have you guys tried any toys lately that you really like? What toys are YOU interested in seeing reviewed?

*Eden Fantasys sent me the True Love Honey Bunny free of charge in exchange for my honest assessment of the product.

When Sex Toys go Hilariously Wrong #3

It’s that time again! Welcome to episode #3 of When Sex Toys Go Hilariously Wrong. The theme of today’s post “If Old McDonald Had a Sex Toy Shop

While doing some research for these sex toys gone wrong posts I came across an interesting phenomena: there are a lot of sex toys out there that are shaped like animals (too many) and its starting to give me the creeps. I’m not talking about the iconic “Rabbit” vibrator. I understand the appeal of the Rabbit. I’m talking about sex toys that take this whole animal thing to a new creepy level. Here are a few toys that make me say “E-I-E-I-OH-NO” (Come on. You knew that was coming.)

1. The Fun Factory Dolly Dolphin. Growing up on the West Coast, I went through a phase many girls go through, where I wanted to be a marine biologist. Whenever I’d go to the mainland with my parents, I’d insist we visit the Vancouver Aquarium. My favorite was “White Wing” – the Aquarium’s star dolphin that had a singular white flipper . I was so enamored with White Wing that my parents bought me a plastic model of her from the Aquarium gift shop that I proudly displayed in my bedroom. For my 4th birthday I had a cake with a dolphin on it and with a message below that said “Happy Birthday love Mom, Dad and White Wing“. As I got older my love for marine biology waned and was replaced with other interests like ballet and teen drinking. However, I took solace in knowing that my White Wing doll was safely packed away with the rest of my childhood toys…or, so I thought.

You can imagine the horror I experienced the first time I walked into a sex shop and saw an unexpected familiar face:


WHITE WING? IS THAT YOU?” *commence gentle sobbing*

2. The I Rub my Duckie Paris Vibe The original I Rub my Duckie vibe is a classic yellow rubber duck designed for a little extra “bath time fun”. The manufacturers have updated the duck so that its also available in a fun new color (pepto bismal pink!) with new “glamorous” features (a feather boa! a Swarovski studded beak!). The people over at Pinkcherry.ca describe this toy as “possibly the most discrete pleasure toy available“. Can someone please explain what exactly is discrete about this toy? ITS A BRIGHT PINK DUCK IN A FEATHER BOA. If I saw this in someone’s bathroom I’d have so many questions. First of all – when you use it, what happens to the feather boa? As I’ve learned from experience, feathered accessories and water do not mix. Does the boa get flung off onto the wet bathroom floor in a fit of passion? Or, would the owner be more inclined to hang it up on a tiny duck sized towel rack before getting down to business? What’s the deal?

The only person I could imagine having something like this in their home is my gay friend Geoffrey. I met Geoffrey at the height of my fag hag partying days. Geoffrey was and still is, one of the most flamboyant men I know. The decor of his apartment could be described as “Malibu Barbie and Gay Ken’s beach house” meets “Jersey Shore set“: Animal print sofas! Pink and gold zebra print bedspread! Photos of naked men hanging everywhere! Hand-towels streaked with orange bronzer! The last time I went over there my friend said to me: “Hey Simone! Look what I bought!” and emerged from his bedroom carrying a rubber fist the size of a baseball bat. Rubber Duckie, you are not the one for me…or for Geoffrey.

3. The Hello Kitty Vibrator: Another weird phase I went through while growing up on the West Coast was this period in high school where I wished I was Asian. In 2009, Statistics Canada reported that over 30% of the inhabitants of Vancouver – a city with a metropolitan population of 2 million – have Chinese heritage. Living on the West Coast, its hard not to pick up on a little bit of Asian pop culture. I took this a step further, and turned my love for Asian pop culture into a full-fledged identity crisis. I looked up to my Asian friends: the music they listened to, the food they ate, the way they dressed. I read fashion magazines from Hong Kong. I mainlined Bubble Tea like it was my job. I listened to tapes of Cantonese pop that my friends would give me. I dated Asian guys. I learned how to swear in Cantonese. I’d impress my friend’s parents with my nimble chopstick skills. My friends and boyfriends lovingly teased me that I’d become an “Egg” – white on the outside, yellow on the inside. As part of my “Egg” identity crisis I became obbsessed with all things Japanamation. My life started to look like it was sponsored by Hello Kitty & friends – a phase that lasted into first year university when I eventually realized that I was creeping people out. Although I’ve abandoned my dream of owning a Hello Kitty toaster (which once seemed like the holy grail of household products) I’m still kind of an EGG at heart. I love Dim Sum as much as Bacon & Eggs, my mouth waters at the sight of salted Taiwanese plums and I like to roam to ailses of T&T whenever I’m feeling homesick. My Hello Kitty nail clipper & contact lense case has long since disappeared but, I still have a soft spot for the mouthless feline. With that said, I can never, EVER get on board with this product:

Yes, that’s vibrating kitty for your kitty. Maybe I’m not the only one who was disturbed by this product because recently they came out with an updated model that is much smaller and more discreet.


I don’t have any desire to pleasure myself with this object either however, I do have an uncontrolable urge to hang it off my cellphone.

4. Portable Pleasure Petz are a collection of gelatinous looking travel sized vibrators in the shape of some of your favorite animals. For the sake of bio-diversity, the Pleasure Petz collection includes a vibrating Bunny, Beaver, Penguin and Platypus, all of which come with toy cleaner and lubricant. I assume that’s lubricant – the bottle simply says “MOIST” – straight to the point!

Please note that these are “PETZ” with a “Z”. There is something inherently questionable about things that are spelled with a “Z” that don’t need to be…like, “Cheez” or “Wingz”. There’s this restaurant that I drive by everyday on my commute to and from work called “Bitez and Thingz”. Lets just say that my desire to eat there is about the same as my desire to use a vibrating “platapuz” on my “puzzy”.

These toys do however, make me want to go and buy a bag of 5 cent gummy candy.

5. The I Rub my Wormie: Lets take a moment to acknowledge the complete un-sexiness of this product. “I Rub My Wormie” sounds like something you’d hear an old man say right before he opens his raincoat and exposes his goods to the passengers of the Westbound Queen streetcar.

I once had the displeasure of hearing a 32 year old man that I’d had sex with with refer to his cock as his “pee pee”. Just thinking about that makes my lady parts go dry. This toy has a similar effect. I’ve established a new Rule of thumb: If it has googly eyes, I don’t want it between my legs.

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE I RUB MY FISHIE.

What do you guys think?

When Sex Toys go Hilariously Wrong #2

It’s time for another episode of “When Sex Toys go Hilariously Wrong“. The theme today is “just because its more expensive does not mean it’s better or any less creepy”

Recently, a company called Scarlet Armour launched a new range of very high end “sex toys for bold women”. The limited edition collection features dildos, vibrating eggs, ticklers and whips made out materials such as gold, platinum, diamonds, precious gems, oak, and human hair. (Yes, you read that right – don’t worry, I’ll get to that). Prices range from $38,000 for the Eternity Dildo to a more affordable (ha) $2500 for one of the whips.

I don’t think any of these toys top the tiny hot pink penis from a few weeks ago but, I can’t afford anything on this page so, I’m going to make fun of them anyways….because some of this stuff is just CRAYYY-ZAYYY.

1. I’m not sure what the exact name of this product is (since there was no description in the initial article) but, it seems to be a vibrator that is made of gold and encrusted in pearls and jewels. This product made me furrow my brow with questions. Will the metal of the toy warm to the body? Isn’t this going to be a bit um, “chilly” going in? Those jewels don’t look very secure. Will I have to go fishing around up there after for precious gems? It’s pretty but, why is it shaped like a bullet? If you had 40K to spend on a sex toy, wouldn’t you want something like this that was designed to contour a woman’s body & is soft like skin? Then, I read that it was designed by a man and it all made sense.


2. Whips. Made of human hair. Maybe I am over-reacting here but, these kind of creep me out. Here is a conversation I’m not looking forward to having: “Hey honey. I love it when your long hair brushes against my chest when we’re having sex but, you know what I’d like? I’d like you to whip me with someone else’s hair. Preferably, someone we’ve never met…..


…and if you could find something in a nice shade of Clown Hair Red, that would be best


Looking at these products is like doing a Rorschach test. As soon as I see them I immediately think of something else.


AHHHHHHHHH!

Lastly, we have these two toys:

3. The Eternity Dildo that’s made of oak, platinum & diamonds. My Grandma is naturally a feisty woman who likes take her frustrations out in the kitchen. This object looks almost identical to something I’ve seen her use to violently pit cherries whenever she’s making homemade jam.


Last but, not least there is THIS. Finally, a cock-ring that you can also use as a throwing star when ninjas break into your bedroom. The great thing is that after you’ve defeated the ninjas, you can put it on as jewelery and wear it to a Nine Inch Nails concert.


In other words, its like the sex toy equivalent of the Spishak Snoorpk:


After I added these last two photos into this post I thought; “Hey! I have something in my kitchen that reminds me of both of these things!”


What’s that you ask? That’s the Philip Starck juicer. Sometimes when I actually feel domestic on Saturday mornings, I’ll use it to make fresh squeezed orange juice. It never goes anywhere near anyone’s genitals but, it does make a nice glass of OJ.

That wraps up another episode of “When Sex Toys go Wrong”! What do you guys think of these products? Does anyone else have any bizarre finds that they would like to share?

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