I See a Therapist, a Business Coach & a Psychic and I Don’t Think it’s Weird

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(Alternate title for this post: I get by with a little help from my (psychic) friends.) 

Therapist. Business Coach. Psychic. I have one of each that I talk to regularly. That’s this week’s truth bomb. 

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It’s no secret that I’m a huge fan of therapy. I’ve written before about how seeing a therapist after my big breakup a few years ago was nothing short of life-changing. Talking to a professional has been great for sorting through messy emotions and has also helped tremendously when it comes to understanding and managing my anxiety disorder. The fact that I still see a therapist probably isn’t that surprising, but maybe the other two are.

Let’s break this down.

1. Therapist – Like I mentioned above, therapy is where it’s at. I make an appointment whenever I’m feeling stuck emotionally or have uncomfortable feelings that I need help processing. My therapist is great because she’s not afraid to tell me the things I don’t want to hear (but so desperately need to hear.) Therapy has also made me better at solving my own problems. I used to go every week, now I go every six months for a “tune-up.”

2. Business & Accountability Coach – When I started writing my book I hired an accountability coach to help keep me…well, accountable. I knew that if I was going to accomplish a huge goal like this, I needed someone with a no-BS approach to report back to. Over a year and a completed book later, she’s helped me turn my goal into a reality by being the perfect blend of virtual hand-holding and tough love. She’s now my go-to person whenever I need to talk through a creative project or a tricky work problem.

3. Psychic – My “psychic friend,” doesn’t own a crystal ball or a 1-800 number; she’s a normal, 30-something woman who lives in DC and just happens to be an intuitive. We connected through a mutual friend and have been speaking every 6-12 months ever since. I don’t go to her to have my future predicted, but rather, to get reassurance that my intuition is right about whatever is going on in my life. So, I pay her for comfort and peace of mind in times of uncertainty (and who doesn’t need that?)

(I also have a PR team that I just started working with. But, that’s a whole other post!)

Apparently, it takes a village to make me a healthy, productive human being.

It probably sounds like I’m really high maintenance, but here’s the thing: sometimes the healthiest, most productive thing you can do is admit that you need help with something, find that help and accept it. Whether that’s dealing with your feelings or doing PR for your business – we can’t be experts in everything, all the time.

Now enter Angel Morgan, a psychic and animal communicator. Angel connects to guides, guardians, angels, archangels and more. She also has the rare and uncanny ability to speak to animals as easily as she speaks with other spirits.

When Angel offered to give me a free reading, I was both intrigued and nervous. With the exception of the psychic friend from DC that I mentioned above, some of my previous experiences with psychics have been kind of creepy. However, within seconds of hearing Angel’s voice, I instantly felt comfortable and at home, like I was talking to an old friend.

When I asked Angel about her work, she told me what I had suspected all along about my previous experiences with psychics; that what people are usually looking for is confirmation of things they already know to be true. They want someone to tell them that their intuition is right.

I spoke to Angel for about half an hour. Although I won’t share everything she said (because it feels a bit like revealing your birthday wishes after blowing out the candles) here are a few things she was able to tell me during our reading.

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I have a black cat named Matilda and she is very bossy. When Angel started my reading, apparently Matilda’s spirit was the first to come through. In fact, Matilda insisted on speaking first. Angel said my cat runs the house & knows it (which, is kind of funny considering I always joke that Matilda is my “office manager.”) She also said that Matilda is really good for me energy wise. I mean, just look at her. How could she not be?

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I am very focused on my career right now and this is good. This is why I can’t seem to get my act together when it comes to dating. I want to date – sort of. Sometimes I feel like I should be dating. But when it comes down to it, I’d rather focus on my work right now. This explains why I signed up for Tinder months ago, but have yet to open the app and why I’m not using a service like jump4love.com dating site. (the photo above could be me, but isn’t me. It was found via In Honor of Design.)

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She saw me living alone in my own apartment or condo. Take that Mom! I’m not going to live in your basement forever! (I think my Mom was most excited about this revelation.) And yes, this photo from A House in the Hills is pretty much my dream living space – hanging chair & all.

She also mentioned that she sensed a very strong male presence in my home. When she started describing what she saw, I knew exactly who she was talking about.

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She said some pretty interesting things about Joe the Intern. Namely, that I should keep him out of the love sector of my home (the farthest right hand corner) if I don’t want him to negatively affect my romantic relationships. Like Matilda, he has the tendency to take over. Yes, Joe’s reputation as a blocker precedes him.

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That I need to remember to breathe. And have fun. Lately, I’ve been noticing that I’ve been holding my breath a lot. Angel picked up on this. She said if I get more in touch with my breath, my work and creativity will flow more. She said that I could do with a bit more fun in my life (also true) and that taking up biking would be a good move for me (fitting, considering how much I loved my beach rides in LA.) (photo credit)

Overall, speaking to Angel was really great. She was friendly, relatable and upbeat. I felt very much at peace after our conversation, which is exactly what I was hoping to get out of the experience. If you’d like to speak to Angel, you can book an appointment here. She made it clear that she’s a “modern psychic” and does reading over the phone and/or Skype 🙂

Have you ever spoken to a psychic? What was your experience like?

One Simple Habit That’s Transformed My Mornings

I know the internet is rife with articles about the benefits of green smoothies (hey, I’ve even written about how much I love smoothies ) but hear me out for a minute. From self-image issues to boudoir photos, I’ve noticed a trend emerging on the blog this month: the body. This is totally unintentional, but I think it’s still a really great starting point for 2016. Especially, sine of my personal intentions in 2016 is to prioritize self-care in all situations. This means making an effort to put healthy things in my body.

I’ve been drinking smoothies for breakfast ever since I received a handful of free samples of Vega One nutritional shake powder at Bloggers in Sin City a few years ago. As I mentioned before, my morning smoothie ritual has become well, exactly that: a ritual. It’s gotten to the point where I actually pack a portable mini-blender & a small container of Vega One powder whenever I travel. Here’s a few reasons why I love smoothies for breakfast.

1. I feel more awake.  Although I still love having a cup or two of coffee in the morning, the extra protein boost wakes me up before I’ve even reached for my coffee grinder.

2. It saves time and energy. I never have to waste time pondering the “what will I have for breakfast?” question. I already know: a smoothie. Knowing that I have something quick, delicious and healthy waiting for me in the kitchen makes my mornings so much more appealing and stress free.

3. Eating well is good for my anxiety. My brain works better when I put nutritious things in my body. Enough said.

4. No sugar or milk also means I feel better. Although there are a lot of different protein powders out there, I like the Vega ones because they’re vegan. No milk = a happier tummy. Also, they’re sugar free. Without a nasty mid-morning sugar crash, I get way more accomplished and feel better all around.

5. It’s my touchstone. Although I try to eat as healthy as possible, I’m not perfect. So, even if the rest of my day goes sideways, it’s comforting to know that at the very least, I start every morning by doing one healthy thing for my body.

After I wrote this post about how to recharge and feel inspired while you’re really busy, the nice people at Vega reached out to me to see I’d be interested in trying their new line of Protein and Greens drink mix. I’ve been religiously consuming the Vega One mix, so I was interested in seeing how this line compares.

So what exactly is this stuff? Here’s what you get with each serving of Vega Proteins and Greens.

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Yep, 20 grams of plant-based protein – perfect for adding to your breakfast or for a healthy snack on the go.  Vega Proteins and Greens is made from real whole food ingredients, SaviSeed (sacha inchi), hemp, pea and sprouted whole grain brown rice protein deliver all essential amino acids you need. Each scoop of Vega Protein & Greens also has the equivalent of two servings of greens from kale, spinach, broccoli, and alfalfa.

How to use it: Mix Vega Protein & Greens with water, juice or non-dairy beverage, shake and go! Or do like I do and blend it into your favorite smoothie recipe.

I received the Vanilla, Chocolate and Tropical flavours and now I’m ready to share my thoughts.Screen Shot 2016-01-18 at 4.17.52 PMI’ve tried the Vega One Vanilla powder before and while I’m sure they’re very similar in taste, I prefer this one for some reason. It seems less overtly vanilla-y to me for some reason. The nice thing about this flavour is that you can literally add almost anything to it and will taste good.

Preferred recipe: Vega has a bunch of awesome recipes on their site (Pomegranate Smoothie Parfait or Dark Chocolate Fudgy Pudding Pudding Pops, anyone?) I’m not even going to try and pretend that I get creative with my smoothie recipes. Usually, with the vanilla powder I’ll use a banana, a handful of whatever frozen fruit I have in the freezer + some almond milk. I don’t overthink it. You can’t go wrong with vanillaScreen Shot 2016-01-18 at 4.21.27 PMI thought I was going to hate the chocolate, because I’m usually grossed out by “fake” chocolate flavoured things, but this ended up being the winner of the pack. The Vega Protein & Greens contains real Dutch cocoa, so it has a surprisingly rich taste…and it’s still sugar free! I could drink this one all day, everyday.

Preferred recipe: Banana, a handful of frozen cherries, a spoonful of ground flax seed and almond milk. It tastes like Black Forrest cake. Screen Shot 2016-01-18 at 4.24.03 PMThe tropical flavour was definitely my least favourite and definitely the least neutral of the bunch. To me it tasted like a mix of apricot, mango and…something else? I still managed to finish the entire container, but this one tasted a bit weird to me. Also, because the taste was so distinctive, I found it didn’t work with all fruit. Frozen pineapple or mango: yes. Blueberries: no.

Preferred recipe: Banana, frozen pineapple & almond milk. Close your eyes & you’ll be whisked back to your pre-teen days of drinking a frothy Orange Julius at the mall with your BFFs. I promise.

Despite not loving the tropical flavour, overall, the new Vega Protein and Greens get an enthusiastic two thumbs up from myself and Joe the Intern (Joe wants you to know he’s still working on his ‘thumbs up.’)

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Although I’ve heard some people complain that the product is chalky and/or doesn’t blend well (even in their super fancy blenders), I didn’t notice this at all (and I have what one would call a crappy, cheapo blender!) It could also be that I’m so focused on how my smoothies make me feel (energized, easier to concentrate, nourished), that I’m not super picky about the texture. Joe the Intern is also a fan.Screen Shot 2016-01-23 at 6.54.17 PMThanks to Vega for sending me these products free of charge! All opinions are my own because that’s how I roll (in other words, I’m legitimately obsessed with Vega smoothies.)

Do you have a favourite smoothie recipe? 

How to Recharge & Stay Inspired When You’re Really Busy

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A few years ago, everything in my life felt out of balance. I was anxious and constantly felt overwhelmed. When I was going through this, I made a list of things that I could do to make myself feel better. I’ve learned that part of living well with an anxiety disorder, means having “touchstones” I can draw on whenever I need to re-group. In fact, it’s crucial. So, I thought it might be interesting to not only share some of the (fun) ways I manage my anxiety, but also some of the stuff I love to do when I’m not here writing about dating, sexy lingerie and vibrators.

Now, here’s the thing – I wrote a version of this post a long time ago and it’s been sitting around in my drafts for…I don’t know, FOREVER. Why you ask? Because life has actually been really great lately. The Secret Agent and I have been having tons of great adventures: we’ve gone to Vancouver multiple times together, seen Erykah Badu in concert (my 3rd time seeing her!), plus been to a handful of other amazing shows and events (Zaki Ibrahim, Ester Rada, Talib Kweli!) We’ve been having a great time. Work has also been going well and am in the midst of working with a lovely editor to finish up the next stage of my book project.

However, the thing about having anxiety is that you can still have off days even when life is good. Anxiety is a bully like that. Although medication has helped me so, so, much, sometimes my brain chemistry can make it feel like life is either moving too fast or like it’s a bit too slow and foggy. These feelings are much more subtle than they used to be, but they are still there. Also, writing all day everyday can sometimes make you feel burnt-out. When these changes in mood happen, I don’t feel like the best version of myself.

One of the most important things I’ve learned over the past few months is that in order for me to feel my best, do my best possible work and be a good partner to The Secret Agent, I need to look after myself and make sure I take time to practice these good habits or touchstones – even when life is going swimmingly.

So, without further adieu, here are a few of the things I do to keep my anxiety in check and have fun in the process! (Thanks to Joe the Intern and his friends for helping me with the visuals…) Whether I’ve been travelling a lot or just need a mid-week re-boot, these are some of my favourite personal rituals.

Feeling overwhelmed, burn-out or creatively uninspired? Here are a few things to try

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I always joke that I consume books like most people consume food – and it’s almost true! I read a lot and always aim to read at least 3-4 books a month in hopes of staying on top of my perpetually long “to be read list” on Goodreads. Reading is not only highly enjoyable, it’s a great way for me to relax my mind when things start to feel “busy” in there (if you can relate to my stories about anxiety, you know what I’m talking about.) I like to make time to read for at least an hour before bed and an hour or two during Saturday mornings (I regularly document my coffee & reading adventures here.) When I read a lot, I also write better – so, there’s that.

Some of my favourite reads from 2015 so far include Redefining Realness by Janet Mock, The Wild Oats Project by Robin Rinaldi and Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I’d also recommend anything by Junot Diaz, Cheryl Strayed, Cristina Henriquez and any of the female friendly reads from this or this list. 

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One of the things that brought the Secret Agent and I together was our mutual love of 90’s hip hop and R&B – among other genres. I love that I can play him a song I really love & there’s a very good chance that he’ll enjoy it too.

One of my favourite things to do when I’m having writer’s block is to explore new music. Although I’m always on the look out for new music to fall in love with, if my boyfriend mentions that he’s heard something on Soulbounce that I haven’t yet, I know that life has been busy & I need to spend some time with my headphones exploring some new sounds. Listening to music is one of my favourite ways to get energized and inspired. 

(FYI, in a few days I’ll be losing my music festival virginity at Squamish Fest, so I’ve been preoccupied sonically researching all the acts we’ll see like Sam Smith, Drake & Alabama Shakes (eeee!))

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Green smoothies made with Vega One mix have been my saving grace over the past year. With the exception of weekends that I usually spend at The Secret Agent’s, I drink one each and every morning – even while travelling. The older I get, the more important it becomes for me to pay attention to what I put in my body. Having a protein rich green smoothie everyday means I eliminate the “ugh, what should I eat for breakfast?” question, therefore creating more time and energy in my day for other pursuits, like writing and client work.

Regardless of what else is going on during the rest of the day, my green smoothie habit ensures that I get more than enough servings of veggies & fruits first thing in the am. Also, green smoothies are delicious and make me feel awesome. Joe the Intern agrees.

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When I sat down to write down this list I asked myself, “what makes me feel most like myself?” One of the first things that popped into my mind was moving my body. I spent most of my childhood to young adulthood dancing ballet. I’ve since learned that whether I’m dancing, taking a barre class or punching & kicking the crap out of a bag at the gym, I feel my best when I’m getting sweaty & moving my body. Doing exactly that on a regular basis is what keeps me sane & feeling good. A workout has always made me feel better, not worse.

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In the past, one of my go-to relaxation tools was to watch a couple (or many) episodes of a favourite TV show. While I still love Netflix (the latest season of Orange is the New Black made me feel all the things & I’m wholeheartedly in love with BoJack Horseman) ever since the release of Serial, I’ve become completely obsessed with podcasts and have started listening to several on a regular basis (most of which are about social justice issues.)

I’m of the belief that we’ve become so programmed to communicate & “connect” – especially online – that many of us don’t slow down long enough to really listen to each other or ourselves. I love podcasts because they force you to listen and focus, without looking at a screen. As I discovered from my experience listening to Serial, there’s something really intimate and comforting about hearing someone’s  voice tell you a story – even if what they are talking about is a murder case. Plus, learning about something new about the world around you is a great way to get out of your own head (this is one reason I also really love to watch documentaries!)

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I used to scoff at the term “self-care” and accompanying articles that suggested that I do things like “take a bubble bath” or “paint my nails.” More often than not, I couldn’t relate. Hot baths usually make me feel lightheaded and painting my nails is futile endeavour (the chipping frustrates me too much to make it worthwhile.) In the inaugural words of Kimberly “Sweet Brown” Wilkins, ain’t nobody got time for that. 

However, self-care is really important. Looking over the above mentioned actions, they all fall under the banner of self-care because they are all things that make me feel good. With that said, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t feel better when I take the time to give myself a pedicure and stick to my regular at-home laser hair removal sessions (more on that later.) So, whether it’s giving your hair a new paint job (above) or treating yourself to a much needed pedicure, I’ve learned it’s important to take care of the external as well as the internal.

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Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all. When people ask me about how I ward off creative burn-out, I simply tell them, “naps.” Whenever my mind starts to feel foggy or like I can’t concentrate, I lay down for an hour and sleep it off. I tell myself that when I get up in 60 minutes, things will feel better and I will keep working. I liken the mind to a computer: sometimes you need to shut down and reboot. And you know what? It works.

So, whether you’re just really busy, have anxiety or both, these are a few rituals that I embrace to re-balance and feel good. However, this is by all means not an absolute list. Everyone is different and what works for one person, might not work for another.

Do you have any touchstones or personal rituals that you practice? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

A Year of Lust, Life Lessons & Labours of Love

2014- year in reviewAt the beginning of 2014, I decided that my theme for the year would be “GO ALL IN”: with my work, but also with my heart. My intention was to live life without holding myself back or sitting on the sidelines. I think I definitely lived up to this theme because 2014 was a year full of lots of hard work, romantic adventures and consequently, some meaningful life lessons.

I kicked off January with what would be one of my favourite memories of 2014. I took my fourth trip to Vegas in three years and finally had a chance to meet my long time internet friend and colleague Liz. I also tried my hand at online dating again and discovered that Ok Cupid is a totally different scene than Plenty of Fish (Spoiler alert: more beards and less actual fish = proof that maybe I’m not Hipster Kryptonite as I once suspected.)

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, February is peak season for sex and relationship bloggers like myself. I spent my Valentines Day weekend with my best friend and her fiancé hanging out in Vancouver. I also wrote one of my most popular posts ever about the 20 guys you’ll meet online dating in Victoria. The article went viral in my town, which lead to being interviewed by the CBC and a series of radio appearances on Kool FM. It’s funny, because so many people saw the article that whenever it comes up, people are like, “that was you?” I’ve since become known at parties as “that girl that wrote that thing about dating that everyone read.”

In March I shared the 10 things I learned from How I Met Your Mother, waxed poetic about some of my favourite female centric books and reviewed some very sexy pink lingerie. While continuing to date, I shared the 18 photos that you should remove from your online profile immediately – a favourite post of mine that was featured in Business Insider.

April was an introspective month for me. I shared with you guys why I can’t have sex in my own bedroom and other things that I have learned about love, sex and dating at 33. I reviewed more pink lingerie and had the Interns help me with my critique of Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines video (another favourite post from 2014)

May was National Masturbation Month, so I devoted the entire month of posts to reviewing sex toys. Writing this many reviews back to back made me realize that I was suffering from sex-blogger burnout and needed to scale back on the products I showcase on the blog in order to focus on other writing projects. May also marked the swift return and departure of Fitness Guy – an experience that reminded me that lust be damned, the right guy isn’t the one who disappears. 

One of the highlights of July was that I got a sexy, new work/living space that I totally adore. I also mused on what we can learn about “sensuality” from the 1970’s and wrote about the positive side of rejection & why chemistry is so, so important. I also started dating a younger man and learned a few things along the way.

August found me attending my best friend’s wedding, as well as taking a mini-vacation to Kelowna and Seattle. The month was a heady mix of writing and socializing…and yes, I’m writing a book.

September (my birthday month!) was absolutely gorgeous and I fully took advantage of it with this poolside bikini review. I also discussed how when it comes to dating, everyone has their hardboiled non-negotiables.  This was also the month that I took another trip to Seattle where I met up with Berrak & Kelly.

In October I decided to try eHarmony only to realize that it’s the online dating equivalent of a Jane Austen novel  ( & apparently the computer thinks that my “soulmate” is a guy who dresses up in blackface for Halloween. Shudder.) I may have struck out on eHarmony, but I was chosen as one of Vancouver’s Most Eligible Bachelorettes (wahoo!) which still seems surreal to me. I also shared a story about my fling with the sexy Russian.

In November I wrote about my affair with The European and one of the big lessons I’ve learned this year: that it’s possible to have meaningful, respectful, good sex that’s also casual, without losing your heart or your head.

Although December was a blur of writing and holiday activities, I’m happy that I finished off the year by sharing the story of what I learned from falling for Donny: that chemistry is ridiculously important, however it can’t be everything.  I got my heart knocked around a bit with that experience, but it helped me get a better picture on what I really am looking for.

When came to “going all in” this past year I learned one really important lesson: “going all in” definitely pays off, however you can’t go big in all areas of your life, all at the same time. When I went big with my writing, my social life suffered. When I threw my heart and body into my relationships, (while fun and exciting) my feelings and sense of peace often suffered. I opened my heart, worked hard and took some blows both personally & professionally, however I’m happy with how the year turned out. I rang in the New Year exactly as I hoped I would: with a great group of friends, dancing with champagne in hand to Notorious B.I.G. It doesn’t really get any better than that in my books.

I have even bigger goals I plan on accomplishing in 2015. I’ll need to keep my wits about me, so I‘ve decided instead of another year of going big in all areas of my life, I’m going to place a greater focus on balance and consistency. To make it easy for you to join me on this journey, I’ve finally broken the seal on the newsletter subscription for this blog. If you’d like to get weekly-ish updates from me designed to make your day a little bit more fun and sexy (think links to cool stuff, discount codes & other goodies), you can sign up for the newsletter here or via the opt-in banner on the righthand sidebar of the blog. I hope you’ll join me! It’s going to be an interesting ride.

What’s your theme for 2015?

Happy New Year. Let’s Break Up.

As my first order of business in 2015, I’ve decided to end a relationship.

It started as most of these things do: I’d heard all kinds of great stories about them from friends. For example, how supportive and helpful they were. My best friend even invited them to her wedding. Naturally, I was curious. However, it wasn’t until a fateful night before Christmas that we finally met and went out for the first time. I had high hopes for this union, but after one very long and chafe inducing date, I’ve decided that it’s never going to work out between us.

You guys, I’ve decided to break up with Spanx.

In case you’re a male reader or have been living under a rock, Spanx is a line of shape-wear designed for women. “Shape wear” is basically superhero style underwear designed to hold all your jiggly parts in place so that you have a smoother silhouette under your clothes. I think this scene from the movie The Heat, between Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy sums it up best.

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Although a lot of my girlfriends have long toted the virtues of Spanx, I spent the first 32 years of my life living in a bubble of ignorance where shape-wear wasn’t even part of my vocabulary. I lived a very fast paced, high stress lifestyle in a busy metropolis where I was constantly on the go. I ate what I wanted, worked out when I could and the weight just fell off. If you hate “old me” it’s OK – I kind of do too.

However, as I’ve mentioned before, when I moved back to the West Coast my body started to change. Whereas most people probably move to the “healthy lifestyle” capital of the world with the assumption that they’ll lose weight, I gained almost 20 lbs. My former willowy, slightly frail looking figure started to fill out, revealing curves that I wasn’t quite used to. Although I think I look healthier now, it’s still been an adjustment getting used to my new body. Whereas in my 20’s I never really spent much time thinking about my body, now that I’ve gone through what feels like a second puberty in my 30’s, I’m hyper aware of what I put into it and how I treat it. Like I said, I’m still getting used to this.

My body has continued to change, especially since I started lifting weights and boxing. I’m stronger and healthier than I have been in years, but  that isn’t to say I still don’t have my moments of insecurity.

Now flash forward to a few weeks ago, when I was trying to figure out what to wear to an upcoming Christmas party. I decided that come hell or high water, I would wear this gorgeous dress that I purchased to wear in Vegas a few years ago. After two years of not being able to zip it up, it finally fit again. However, if I was going to pull this off, I knew I needed some help so that I could feel 100% confident.

This is how I found myself perusing the Spanx aisle at my local department store. A friend if mine recently told me that she wore Spanx under her wedding gown (and looked gorgeous!) so, how bad could they be? I picked out a pair of VERY high-waisted panties, handed over my credit card and called it a day.

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Although the look was far from sexy, the Spanx were able to take all of my bumps and bulges, and streamline them into one, smooth, flesh-coloured meat suit. However, when it came time to get dressed for my Christmas party, my dress still didn’t feel right. In the end, I swapped my original frock for a short, black dress that’s always made me feel sexy and confident. I was running late and not really thinking, so I decided to just leave the Spanx on. After all, I’d paid $40 for this weird meat-suit and I was going to get my money’s worth! However, by the first course of dinner, when my insides felt like they were being squeezed by the hands of God, I realized that I was in for an interesting evening.

During my first and last date with Spanx I learned a few things:

1) Spanx and having to pee do not mix – My night was going well until I realized I had to go to the bathroom and actually remove the meat suit. I discovered that you can’t just take off Spanx, you have to slither out of them. This takes time. If you try and pull them down too quickly you’re in for some of the worst chafing of your life (I had a serious case of Spanx Burn for the entire week and a half after the party.) Because of this and the fact that the washroom facilities at the party were limited, I spent most of the night responding to knocks on the door asking, “Is everything OK in there?” Thanks to Spanx, I’m pretty sure that everyone  thinks I’m either a drug addict or have some kind of extreme intestinal disorder (or both.)

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2. The only thing worse than wearing Spanx, is having to explain to the person you’re about to have sex with that you’re wearing Spanx. It was a fun Christmas party. There were lots of cocktails. Stuff happened. At the end of the night I found myself in the bedroom of a handsome guy I was very much looking forward to having sex with. As he started to undress with envious ease, I remembered the Spanx.

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