New Blog Design, a Reality Show & Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes.

Hello Skinny-Dippers!

You may notice that everything looks a little bit different around here. That’s because the wonderful people over at Caffeinated Designs have moved me over to WordPress and given this blog a sexy makeover. After a lot of back & forth, hard work & technical issues, Skinny Dip version 4.0 is finally ready and I couldn’t be happier with the results.

Here’s a look at previous versions:

2009:

2010:

2011: 

I love the new design. It’s brighter, it’s bolder and a lot easier for you guys to navigate. There’s  a “previous entries” button!  You can read the arhives again!  There are also some sexy buttons on the footer that will soon link up to different categories of posts! Hooray for functionality!

You may have also noticed that I took hiatus from blogging over the past few weeks. Partly this has been because my blog has literally been broken and I haven’t been able to post anything. I’ve also been going through some major life altering changes. Amidst the chaos that’s been happening in my personal life, I also somehow agreed to be on a reality TV show (I know, what was I thinking?! The show has been filming for the past 3 weeks) and speak at a really awesome conference (more on all of this later). Over the past few weeks there have been a lot of extreme highs, heart breaking lows and lots of sudden change. 

So what does this mean for the blog? It could mean that this space gets a bit more soul-searchy than usual as I get my Eat-Pray-Love on. I’m heading back to the West Coast for an extended visit on Monday (to accomodate said Eat-Pray-Loving) so, this also means more time for hippie watchingsnarky sex commentary, relationship stories and sex toy reviews (although I’m staying at my Mom’s house so latter could lead to supreme levels of awkwardness. I guess you’ll have to keep reading to find out!) I hope to be back to a regular posting schedule after the 15th once I’ve had a chance to catch my breath.

I’ve really missed this space. As always, thanks for reading!

Love and Big Puffy Hearts,

S.D

The Truth (about a lot of things)


…aka stuff I’ve been afraid to talk about on the blog.

Sometimes I’m afraid to talk about what’s really going on with me because I don’t want this blog to turn into a “Dear Diary” type deal. But I have some things I need to say. I’m just going to put it out there so that tomorrow I can return to blogging about “fun stuff” like sex, reality TVmy bizarre dating experiences.

This past month hasn’t been easy. Its been full of ups and downs:

1. A few weeks ago, I lost my job that I had been working at since February. My contract was only until the middle of May however, they decided to end it a month early. It wasn’t because of anything I did (and I’m not just saying that because this is the internet and everyone can read this) its just that the program I was working for ran out of things for me to do and it no longer made financial sense to keep me for another month. This makes sense. Still, it was disappointing. I’ve never been “Laid Off” from anything before. This was my first “Job Break-Up” where I was on the receiving end of the awkward and “Its not you…its us” conversation. The whole experience reminded me of what it feels like to be dumped a guy that you were never really all that into in the first place: you don’t love the dude, you may only mildly like him, but when you hear the words come out of his mouth, your face still turns red, your stomach still drops, because rejection no matter how you serve it sucks. Even though I know there was nothing I could have done to prevent this situation, my pride was hurt. I spent the second half of April avoiding telling close friends what had happened because I felt embarassed (which in retrospect seems silly but, at the time made sense) because if you haven’t figured this out by now, I can be really hard on myself.

2. THE GOOD NEWS: last week I found a new job! I accepted another short-term contract working for the same University I started working with this winter. I started this week and so far I like it. I work in one of the Executive offices and the environment is really great: positive, up-beat & professional. The only downside to this new gig is that I am still working at the boutique part time. This means that I could potentially be working 6 days a week for the next month or so. I’m thinking this might just drive me to drink more cocktails than usual on Saturday nights.

3. I have a good friend who is going through a really hard time right now. I know that she needs help with a lot of stuff but I’m afraid that I don’t have the time or ressources to really help her as much as she needs. Because of this, I feel guilty even though I know I probably shouldn’t. I am worried about her and this situation has been weighing on my mind.

4: MORE GOOD NEWS: I had a meeting with an editor from a major Canadian magazine. She recently became editor in chief for a new online magazine & asked me if I’d be interested in doing some freelance writing for her (!!). Very exciting! So, you may be seeing more of me on the Internerd in the months to come. This proves that just as one door closes, another one opens.

5. BF has been in the midst of a giant business deal/job shift recently, which has kind of permeated all areas of our life together. He’s been stressed to the max and there have been lots of late nights involving him glued to his computer or out on the patio, having heated marathon phone conversations while chain smoking. There has been lots of chain smoking. I’d like to classify all this stuff under the heading “The Un-Glamorous side of Dating a Shoe-Designer”. I know BF feels bad about how stressful things have been & my intention isn’t to make him feel worse (because he’s probably reading this). I just need to acknowledge that its been hard because I feel like I’ve been living through all the stress with him.

So, life has been a mix of good & bad.

On Tuesday night everything came to a head. I was lying in bed getting ready to fall asleep when, it happened again…I had an anxiety attack. I haven’t had an anxiety attack since January when I wrote this post. I’ve kind of been living under the false impression that I was “all better”. I know this isn’t really true but, sometimes its just easier to tell ourselves these lies than to actually face the problem, especially when it seems like it’s gone away. All the familiar symptoms were back: the heart racing, the quick breathing, the feeling like there is a miniature marching band stomping through my nervous system, playing all of their instruments at once & agressively raising the roof in between songs. When BF tried to comfort me, I physically pushed him away because when I’m feeling like this, someone hugging me actually makes me feel worse, kind of like the walls are closing in. Feeling like you’re not in control of your own body is a really scary feeling. I’m still a little shaken up about what happened but its pushed me to realize that I need to deal with this. I need to face it & talk to someone (because I didn’t in January), even though this scares me a bit. Its time.

Early yesterday morning, BF left for China. He’s there for 3 weeks. I’m going to take the next few weeks as an oppertunity focus on me, work on things I enjoy and hopefully chill out a bit.

So that is what’s been going on. Its not funny, or sexy, or glamorous. It just is what it is.

Thanks for reading. I hope all of you are well xox

NOW BACK TO REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMING.

{PS. Today’s picture was taken by BF a few months ago. He caught me playing with my hair which I do more often than I’d like to admit- a bad habit of mine. The necklace is from Chow Tai Fook, which I’ve heard is sort of like the Chinese Tiffany’s.}

Pillow Talk

Mmmm BED. My favorite place! That’s where I am right now. I just came back from dinner and now I’m snuggled in bed, wearing my goofy polka dot flannel pajamas and it feels awesome.

I just wanted to say THANK YOU to all the people who have left comments for me, emailed me, followed me on Twitter & joined the Skinny Dip Facebook fan page over the past week and a half. Its been really cool hearing from/connecting with everyone. My comment system is a bit wacky so rather than try and respond to every comment (because I’m not sure you’d receive my reply) here are some follow up comments from me to you.

“I don’t want things to be like this anymore”: I definitely felt really “naked” writing this entry. There were so many people who left really awesome comments that included advice and their own personal experiences. I also received a really sweet email from Sam this morning (thanks!). As Sam mentioned, talking about Anxiety or admitting that you have it, seems to be this big taboo. We should be able to talk about it, so I’m glad I did. I haven’t decided exactly what course of action I’ll take but I know it will definitely include counselling of some sort. Chloe Blossom, I will be emailing you for the info of the MSW you reccomended. I just want to get some tools on how to deal with this so that I can “talk myself down from the ledge” (figuratively speaking) whenever I start having these feelings. But, I am happy to report I’ve been sleeping really well lately.

“Why Women Need Tools”: So, I think by writing this post I inadvertingly wrote a “How to get Laid” guide for Men. This wasn’t really my intention however, this is my advice for the Guys out there: STRIKE NOW! Offer to put together that Billy bookcase you know she just bought. DO IT NOW before more women read this article and start to figure out what you’re up to. And don’t say you heard it from me…

“Who Were you in High School?”: It seems like some people were able to relate to the story of my traumatic first kiss! (lots of great comments on this one too). After blogging about this, I reconnected with a couple of people from high school. One of these people is fellow blogger The Modish Mama. We went to high school together and I think we kind of accidentally collided on Twitter. Although our lives are different, she’s a great writer and its been cool reading her blog. Also I received a really sweet email from my best friend which I confess made me cry. It was really touching. Making these reconnections & receiving this email made me realize that a) I really WAS withdrawn during that time period, obviously that “trying to act normal” bit wasn’t working for me. b) there were a lot of good people around me in high school that I really wish I had been better friends with. I feel like the social fabric of highschool (with all the cliques etc) is designed to keep people apart. I’m sure a lot of us were miserable during that time and we probably could have helped each other out more than we did. Teenagers are really immature. I’m just glad I have a chance to know these people as an adult.

This week has been a bit crazy. I feel like I’ve been running around doing stuff (job hunting + working on another “mystery” project that I’ll reveal soon) but I don’t really feel like I am getting much done. I guess I just feel a bit stagnant. Tonight I self-diagnosed myself with a case of the winter blahs. I always start feeling really, really restless this time of year. Even though I don’t really have a big cause to celebrate, this weekend I am dying to have a drink (read, many drinks!), get dressed up and go DANCE. I really want to go to Louie Vega. In case you didn’t know– I’m a big house music fan (but not in a creepy fist pumping way. That’s not how we roll in Toronto) and LOVE LOVE LOVE Masters at Work. I’m still looking for a partner(s) in crime to go with me. Any takers?!

I have this desperate need to do something that makes me feel alive! (for me that means dancing).
The workouts at the gym with my ipod just aren’t cutting it.

Is anyone else suffering from the winter blahs? What are you doing to combat them?

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