8 Sexy, Fun, Totally Non-Cheesy, Bridal Shower Gifts

When I hit my mid-twenties and most of my friends started to get married, I was suddenly thrown into the new, strange world of Bachlorette Parties and Bridal Showers. I learned very quickly that Bachlorette Parties involve lots of things shaped like penises. I never understood  what wearing matching pink sombreros adorned with tiny, sparkly penises had to do with celebrating life-long matrimony, but that’s beside the point. When it was time to plan my friend’s Bachlorette party, I went with the equation I was familiar with, “Bachelorette = Penis” and during one last minute, frantic, after-work shopping shopping trip, I cleaned out my local sex shop‘s entire supply of penis shaped drinking straws. Worried that I might not fill the “Penis Quota” for the party, I may have also purchased some other things.

Smiling vacantly through the awkwardness. 

No comment.

I enjoy a crowd surfing blow-up doll as much as the next person, but I’m relieved that “as we have matured, the parties have matured with us.” The days of exploding penis cakes and tequila shots have been replaced with sexy lingerie showers, fine champagne & more champagne.

Even though most of my wedding related celebrations no longer involve me doing handless shots at the bar (this only happens when I go to Vegas for blogging conferences), I still find the gift giving process a little nerve wracking. For those of you who need a few gift ideas (or maybe just want to treat yourself!) I’ve perused the EdenFantasys website and put together a list of bridal shower gifts that are sexy, fun, non-cheesy and affordable (none of which resemble a penis!)

1. The Booty Parlor Intimacy Love Kit. ($24)

8 Sexy Totally Non-Cheesy Bridal Shower Gifts

This cute and chic gift set from Booty Parlor, includes two vials (a scented massage oil and water based lube), condoms (just in case) and (gasp!) a vibrating cock ring. I have vague margarita-hazed memories of having a conversation with another blogger when I was in Vegas a few weeks ago, hailing the benefits of vibrating cock-rings. The bottom line of the discussion was, “You don’t just buy a vibrating cock-ring for him…you buy it for you.” Ideal for a romantic couples night, the Booty Parlor Intimacy Love Kit is a great introduction into the wonderful world of adult toys and sexual enhancement products. Plus, everything is wrapped up discretely in their signature black and pink packaging so it’s not obvious what’s inside.

2.  Coquette Mesh Thong with Lace Waist. ($8.99)

8 Sexy Totally Non-Cheesy Bridal Shower Gifts

 

Last spring I attended my first lingerie shower. I noticed during the gift unwrapping that this style of thong was a huge hit! Buying underwear for someone else is tricky. If you buy something too small or too large, you risk making the person feel bad about themselves. This thong is great because it’s “one-size-fits-most”. The scalloped lace waistband is super stretchy and feels almost like you’re wearing nothing at all. I own a few pairs like this and I’m a big fan!

3. Light my Fire Massage Candle ($27.90)

8 Sexy Totally Non-Cheesy Bridal Shower Gifts

A candle and a massage oil in one, The Light My Fire Massage Candle provides a relaxing and heavenly hot oil body massage experience, with the gentle scent of honey. Dribble some on your partner for massage or just enjoy burning it to set the mood. Made in France, the candle is 100% natural and preservative free (& comes wrapped up in fun, retro-inspired packaging!)

4.  Lelo Tantra Feather Teaser ($23.99)

8 Sexy Totally Non-Cheesy Bridal Shower Gifts

No boudoir is complete without a luxurious feather teaser like this one by Lelo. Even if you don’t use it all the time, owning something like this just feels totally bad-ass. Lelo is known for it’s luxurious, high quality (& often very pricey) sex toys. At $23.99 you can give a little bit of luxury without breaking the bank. Also, this feather teaser is rated on as one of EdenFantasys “Top 10 Flogging Toys” (ha!)

5. Booty Parlor pin-up shorts ($19.49)

8 Sexy Totally Non-Cheesy Bridal Shower Gifts

Also made by Booty Parlor, this comfy, booty flattering panty is perfect for anyone who is obsessed with all things vintage and burlesque. I kind of just want to put these on and perform my own burlesque show in my bedroom (even if no one is watching.)

6. Dona linen spraykissable body drizzle and body butter  ($8.99 – $11.99)

 

Redefine the bedroom. Give your linens and sheets a sensual touch. Superfruit and Aphrodisiac-infused. Spice up your boudoir with allure.Relax into a sultry mood with Dona light aphrodisiac infused oil blend that retains natural moisture of the skin.

8 Sexy Totally Non-Cheesy Bridal Shower Gifts

I may be biased towards these products because the packaging looks very similar to the Skinny Dip branding, but what really sold me on Dona’s collection of body products is that they include  lots of natural ingredients and come in yummy fragrances like Mangosteen, Blue Lotus, Pomegranate, Acai and Camu Camu. Their linen spray, kissable body drizzle and body butter are all infused with aphrodisiacs to help set the mood.

7. Sex in the Shower Dual Shower Head  ($42.99) and Knee Pads.  ($9.99)

 

8 Sexy Totally Non-Cheesy Bridal Shower Gifts

You know what sucks about shower sex? Getting cold! Unless you have one of those super giant shower heads (which most of us don’t), one of you always spends part of the sexy time freezing their butt off. The Sex in the Shower line has addressed this problem by creating a dual shower head, so you can focus on the sex and not on who’s turn it is to be under the water. Throw in a pair of their sexy knee pads (to prevent pesky “Tub Burn”) and you have a gift that is both sexy and practical. I would be totally psyched if someone bought me this. I’m being dead serious. No really, SOMEONE SHOULD BUY ME THIS.

8. Lelo Insignia Tiani 2 Couples Vibrator 

8 Sexy Totally Non-Cheesy Bridal Shower Gifts

Giving someone a vibrator as a shower gift has always struck me as slightly awkward like, “So, since you’re getting married, you’re going to need this.” If you’re going to go that route, why not get something that the couple can both enjoy?!  The Lelo Insignia Tiani is a couple’s vibrator designed to be worn by the woman while making love (yes, you heard right!!) and includes a remote control that you can use to move through the different vibration settings. At $159, this is definitely a big ticket item however, I feel like with Lelo products you do get what you pay for. My Lelo Soraya is pretty much the. OMG. best. vibrator. ever. (review coming soon!)  I would definitely consider adding this to my collection or getting it for my best friend when she gets married. It seems like it would be a lot more fun than a new set of pots and pans.

What are your thoughts on good/bad bridal shower gifts?

This post was sponsored by Eden Fantasys. I was given a gift certificate to fund my on-going obsession with lingerie and sex toys in exchange for this post. All opinions are my own because that’s just how I roll.

 

Dona body butter - Body moisturizers - EdenFantasys
 

Ruffles, Bows and Naughty Ballerinas

The other day my best friend and I were browsing through Purdy’s chocolates, when she gives me this teasing look & says:

“So, Simone, in honor of Valentine’s Day are you going to buy yourself one of these giant heart shaped boxes of chocolates?”

“Yeah, if I was planning on spending the evening sitting in a dark room, watching Julia Roberts movies and gently sobbing”

FYI. In case you didn’t catch my sarcasm, this totally isn’t how I’ll be spending February 14th. Actually I don’t even have any plans and this doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I’m one of those people that doesn’t really get bummed out about Valentines Day. The only thing that bums me out is that there are people out there who do get bummed out & feel sad around this time year. I actually secretly love Valentines Day. I love seeing all my favorite colors (pink! red! brighter pink! hearts everywhere!). It’s also a good excuse to buy new sassy underwear (even if no one else is going to see it)

This year I’m sticking to my financial resolutions and won’t be making any new additions to my already bursting lingerie drawer. However, it’s still fun to fantasize about what I would buy myself for Valentine’s Day if money was no object. So, I’ve put together an imaginary wish-list (Yay! shopping with fake money!). Gents, this can also serve as a shopping guide if you need ideas for that fabulous lady in your life.

1. Jopen Vanity Vr3 vibrator:

Once my best friend and I left the chocolate store and were out of earshot of children, I said “On second thought, I think I’m just going to upgrade my vibrator collection”  If I was going to buy a new luxury sex toy, this bad boy would definitely be a contender. This toy is known for having very strong vibrations. If you don’t believe me, watch this video where they show the toy flapping around on a desk like it has a life of it’s own. Did you watch the video?! I’m now dying of curiosity to try this thing.

2. Cake Beauty products:

This trio of creamy and delectably flavoured lip gloss will nourish and hydrate lips giving you a wash of colour and loads of shine.Sweet scape desserted island set includes: desserted island velveteen hand creme & desserted island supremely rich bath & shower froth.
 I really like Cake products because they use 90-95% natural ingredients, are paraben free and smell delicious. It’s funny, I always end up buying Cake products for other people but I’ve never actually purchased any for myself. Maybe it’s time to change that! I think the Winter Wonder Lip Gloss Trio and the Sweet Escape Dessert Island Duo  would be perfect for whisking away the winter blues.

3. “Naughty Ballerina” Panties:

These cute undies by Booty Parlor had me at their name. I mean who doesn’t want to be a “naughty ballerina”?! It’s all very Black Swan. You know, like that scene where Natalie Portman & Mila Kunis do drugs and then go to town on each other & it’s like the hottest thing ever? Yeah, that. Plus, I think the see through back + the ruffle is cute. I was ready to buy these for myself until I read the fine print and saw that they are crotchless. I’ve never understood crotchless underwear. Wouldn’t it just be easier to wear no underwear at all? Am I missing something?

*Men, only buy crotchless underwear for women you’re actually dating & know very well. It does not make a good secret admirer gift…unless of course you want her to think you’re a sex criminal.

4. Lycra corset with ruffled trim:

Lycra corset with ruffled trim - Corsets and bustier - EdenFantasys.Lycra corset with ruffled trim - Corsets and bustier - EdenFantasys.
This outfit just screams out “Be my Valentine”. I’m totally feeling the vintage burlesque feel of the corset, the peekaboo ruffles and the bow accent on the garters. With the red lacing up the back, I’d feel like my very own Valentine’s gift just waiting to be unwrapped.

4. Kama Sutra Body Souffle and Honey Dust:

Smooth these delicately scented, lusciously flavored, water-based creams are also excellent as a silky hand and body moisturizer.Edible flavored powder in a silky bag with feather applicator
Kama Sutra products are made with the bedroom in mind however, as I discovered a few years ago they’re actually just really nice body products. I’m in love with their Vanilla body souffle – a delicious smelling body creme that goes on uber smooth. Use it for  massage or as a rich body moisturizer. I’m also a huge fan of their honey dust – a light body powder that will leave your skin soft, smelling & tasting like honeysuckle (it works great as a very light fragrance). Yes, both products are edible. This means that not only will they make you smell like a dessert, you’ll taste like one too. You’ll smell so good you might be tempted to lick your arm in public. Don’t do this. It’s just creepy & weird.
5. Polka Dot mesh corset:

FORGET SEX. This outfit screams out “musical theatre”. My whole purpose for owning this would be so I would have something to wear as I danced around my house re-enacting dance sequences from Moulin Rouge. Gitchi Gitchi Ya Ya Da Da!

What would you give yourself for Valentines Day if money was no object?

This post was sponsored by Eden Fantasys. I was given a gift certificate to fund my on-going obsession with lingerie and sex toys in exchange for this post. All opinions are my own because that’s just how I roll.

Sex toys - EdenFantasys adult toys store

A Holiday Gift Guide to Make you Say Ohhh

Something I’ve learned over the past year is that even when life is busy or you’re stressed, you need to take the time to do stuff that makes you feel sexy. Even if you’re the only one who’s going to enjoy it, get that that Brazilian wax, put on that sassy underwear, do whatever it is that makes you feel good – it makes a huge difference.

This is why I’m really excited to announce that Skinny Dip has partnered with Ohhh Canada to do some sexy product  reviews and blog posts. Ohhh Canada is a Canadian owned and operated online store dedicated to selling luxury body safe sex toys, lingerie and other fun items to make you feel good. I met Katrina, the owner and founder of Ohhh last fall and instantly liked what she was about – she’s super friendly, fun to talk to and all about promoting sex positivity and quality products. I’m really excited to be working with her!

Before I left Toronto, Katrina generously bestowed upon me some fun sexy items to try out while I was home on the West Coast. In return, I’ve put together a sexy holiday gift guide based on some of the goodies I tried.

(Can I just say, how cute is their name and logo?!)

1. Kissaholic Aphrodisiac Plumping Lip Gloss by Booty Parlor ($15.99): This lip gloss is infused with an actual aphrodisiac to make you irresistable to anyone who gets close to your lips. I tried the lip gloss in “Tremble” – a sheer “skinny-dip-esque” pink that has just the perfect amount of shimmer. Does this stuff actually work? Hmm, I’m not sure.  What I can tell you is that it that it feels nice on your lips, smells yummy and has a delicious bubble gum and peppermint taste! Aprodisacs are meant not only to stimulate amorous feelings but also just general “feel-good” feelings. I think I might have to gift this to some of my girlfriends and also subject the product to further testing 😉

2. Red Mesh Dress with Garters by Baci Lingerie. ($24.99) I’m just going to put this out there: I’m a bit of a lingerie snob. I’ve encountered my share of scratchy, ill fitting cheap lingerie. I’m also super petite with substandard sized, bird-like limbs, so I tend to shy away from brands I’m not familiar with, especially if I’m ordering online and can’t try it on first (There’s nothing less sexy than thigh highs that are too baggy to stay up!) I’ve never tried anything made my Baci so, I was curious (and maybe somewhat skeptical!) however, this red mesh outfit totally won me over.

Let’s just take a moment to acknowledge the obvious hotness of this little number. It’s RED. How can you not feel like a total vixen in red lingerie and garters?!

The front looks like your basic negligee however, it’s gathered in the back for some peek-a-boo action. You can wear it with a thong, or a pair of boys-cut panties. Katrina gave me a pair of these fishnet thigh highs ($6.99) to pair with the outfit. The best part of this whole ensemble?! (Besides feeling like a total sex kitten while I strutted around my apartment solo)

Everything ACTUALLY FIT ME! Also, the quality was very nice. The fabric was super soft, nicely woven and you can tell will keep its shape* This line has totally won me over. With the extremely affordable price tag ($24.99) Baci is a great option for those of us with Agent Provocateur taste and a Costco budget.

*The outfit was actually so comfortable that I threw a robe on top and kind of forgot I was wearing it while I watched a bunch of back to back episodes of 30-Rock. Welcome to my life.

3. Blossom Organics Moisturizing Lubricant: Lets get real here, sometimes you just need a little lube. The right lube can totally enhance the experience. My body is super sensitive so, for a long time I shied away from using lube because I’d always get really bad reactions from the stuff that’s sold at drugstores (this is because a lot of that stuff is full of all kinds of gross chemicals that really shouldn’t go anywhere near that part of the body!) Blossom Organics is a lube designed especially for women. It’s Ph balanced and made with organic ingredients you’d find on the shelf of your health food store. It’s safe to use with a partner or toys. The best part? It’s totally non-irritating! If the idea of giving someone lube for Christmas totally creeps you out, I still recommend picking some of this stuff up for yourself. Happy lady parts are the gift that keeps on giving!

What’s on your holiday list this year?

In the Pink


A few weeks ago I was at the Hip and Urban Girl launch party. I was talking to someone I had just met. When I whipped out my iphone (which is encased in a bright pink TNA iphone condom) to swap Twitter information they commented:

“That’s a very girly phone case! Its so…pink
“Oh yeah, I guess it is”
“You just don’t seem like a pink person

And, this is kind of true. That night I was wearing a white top, a black fitted pencil skirt, black leather jacket & a pair of tough bondage inspired cage heels. This is a typical outfit for me. When I say the words “pink person” what comes to mind is images of Barbie, Paris Hilton, girls wearing short pleated skirts with Uggs (UGH!), the collective wardrobe of the cast of Mean Girls…you get my drift. This isn’t exactly me. I wear a lot of black, grey and neutral colors. I love dark skinny jeans, white T-shirts, fitted pencil skirts, black leather jackets, big fluffy scarves, clothes that are simple, feminine and sexy & accented with tough touches (which is why I lust after shoes like this and why I had a total clothes-gasm when I saw all the Motorcycle jackets in Fred Segal). This is pretty much what I look like most of the time (for day I swap out the heels for a pair of chucks or flats)



This photo was taken in LA but doesn’t exactly scream out Malibu Barbie.

However, after the party I went home and surveyed the contents of my apartment. For someone who claims they aren’t a “pink person” I have a heck of a lot of pink things. Here is the photographic evidence:

The contents of my purse (pink purse, pink notebook, pink ipod, pink iphone, pink essie nail-polish – I don’t actually carry around nail-polish. I just included it in the shot.)



As if this wasn’t bad enough, two weekends ago I tracked down the bikini I had been lusting after in this entry. I tried it on and it looked too effing cute to leave in the store. Now it is mine. Allllll miiiiine. I don’t care if just wear it at the neighborhood pool this summer. I love it. Oh and did I mention I got my toe-nails painted to match? Should I really be admitting this?!


The real WTF moment happened this weekend. I bought a bunch of new lingerie. After I took it home & washed it & got it ready to put away I noticed something: I own ALOT of pink panties. And I just bought more. But how could I resist? They’re just so pretty. Once again, I had to bring them home with me.



And course, Mona is pink. Bright fuchsia but still…pink.



And, I write a blog that is very…pink. Which, requires equally pink business cards. Yup.



So what does this mean?

Am I a pink person?

Badass Sex blogger on the outside….pink loving, girly-girl, puffy heart drawing softie on the inside?

Something in between?

What I can say is this: I go through phases with colors. I went through a turquoise phase. I went through a chocolate brown phase. I went through a slightly depressed all-black phase. Right now I’m just going through a pink phase. I’m just going to embrace it. The color pink makes me feel energized and happy. The last time I went through a pink phase was right after I graduated university (actually it was more like a general bright color, bright pattern phase. Hello, I wore a Pucci print dress to my graduation. I didn’t say this was a “good” fashion phase). This was an exciting time for me because I felt like I was on the cusp of all kinds of new experiences. So, I’m kind of hoping the same is true right now. In the meantime, I’m just going to ride it out, pink purse in hand.

However you notice that I’ve decided to go blonde again, that I suddenly have a renewed interest in going to law school and I’ve started carrying around an abnormally small animal…




PLEASE STAGE AN INTERVENTION.

What’s your favorite color? Have you ever gone through a “color phase” or am I alone in this madness?!

Sunday Morning Surprises


This morning I woke up to an email from an EX. Like, THE EX. The one I wrote about here and here. When I saw his message my stomach did that weird sick feeling flip flop thing. We haven’t spoken since we said goodbye. He’s the kind of ex boyfriend you never hear from and hope to never hear from. I always figured if I did hear from him I would find out he’s in jail or getting deported or is in re-hab or he’s desperate to find a kidney and I’m his last resort…or something equally as sketchy. He’s just that kind of guy. Thankfully email is probably the only way he’d ever be able to get a hold of me. As far as I know he is still living in the foreign country he moved to after we parted ways. Although, a few years ago I thought I saw him at the Yonge & Bloor Subway station and I nearly had a heart attack. My palms started to sweat, my heart started racing, my stomach flip flopped. Just as I was trying to figure out what I should do next (run? duck into Starbucks and hide behind the milk & sugar station? Face the music?) I realized that it wasn’t him. It was just a doppelganger.

Its been years since I had feelings for this guy. I’d never in a million years want to date him again. But, I think because he hurt me so much, I still get this fight or flight reaction.

Does anyone else have an ex like this?

So, here is the anti-climatic conclusion to the story: I opened the email and it was a link to an online store selling Viagra. No message, nothing. The funny thing was that most of the recipients were either other ex-girlfriends or girls he hooked up with (either before, after or while he was with me). I think we can conclude from this the following: either a) this is meant as some kind of cryptic message to the girls he used to sleep with (“I’m Baaaack!“-anyone who rides Toronto Public Transit will probably get that reference) or this is the work of a spammer with a sense of humor. (I’m going with the latter). My heart attack subsided and I had a bit of a giggle.

(It makes me wonder though–why does he still have all our emails in his address book?! UPDATE YOUR ADDRESS BOOKS PEOPLE. Avoid future embarrassment. That’s all I can say.)

Another more exciting discovery I made this week: LINGERIE BLOGS. I love lingerie, pretty lacy things and anything lingerie inspired –if you’ve noticed the header of this blog you might have already guessed this. I read a whole slew of fashion blogs but I never thought to see if there were any Lingerie blogs out there (but of course there are!). One that I discovered this week is Confessions of a Lingerie Addict. If you like pretty underwear like I do, this is a great blog. This week the Lingerie Addict is holding a Valentines Day giveaway where you can win a set of Hanky Panky Thongs ($99). I’m just mentioning it in case you’re like me & love indulging in pretty lingerie.

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend!

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