I thought it was a high time I wrote an update! First of all, let me start off by thanking everyone for the kind responses to my recent post about dating women. Not only do I feel good about taking this leap in my personal life, I’m also really glad that I took a risk and decided to share it in a really public forum. The responses I’ve received have been really positive and kind. So, thank you.
Although I’m not actively trying to date right now (I’ve kind of put my dating apps on pause mode to focus on some work projects), I do have a few things thoughts to share about my experiences thus far.
Knowledge is power. I hope?
A few years ago I received The Lesbian Sex Bible: The New Guide to Sexual Love for Same-Sex Couples by Diana Cage as a review copy and (ahem) kind of forgot to review it. Originally I was going to pass it on to a queer female friend to review, but for some reason never got around to it – and thank god. This book has been super helpful.
If we’re being completely honest, lesbian sex makes me nervous. I know exactly what to do with men but with women…not so much (at least, I’m worried about not knowing certain things). The Lesbian Sex Bible has been a good resource for answering my questions. I don’t have anything to compare it to but I feel like it provides a pretty decent intro to anyone who is curious about Lesbian sex. And it’s a book! And I’m a book person!
I’ve also learned through my lady dating adventures that not everyone uses lube (let alone owns 6+ different kinds at any given time OR owns sex toys (something I have no shortage of). So, basically if my sex life were an equation it would look like this:
Knowledge & Sex Gear > Actual Experience.
I’m basically the bisexual version of Kenny Fisher from Can’t Hardly Wait, complete with Biggie Smalls references but minus the backpack and offensive braids. And fuck it, I’m just going to lean into it.
I lost my virginity for the second time.
I won’t say too much, just that she was lovely and that the experience was really amazing. I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better first time. It didn’t feel weird or “omg, this is what I’ve been waiting for all my life because it’s so much better than being with men!” It just felt normal and good.
I’m still not very good at reading women and whether they’re interested in me.
Unless they’re being super obvious. Ladies, if you’re interested, let your intentions be known. I’m new here.
Separate bathroom trips are advised.
If you’re on a date with an attractive woman you’re hoping to make out with later, do not decide to go to the bathroom at the same time after brunch. You will end up in adjacent stalls. You will hear noises. It will be awkward. The romance will die. Don’t do it.
The clothing scramble is real.
Trying to locate your clothing in the dark is a lot more confusing when you’re the same gender. This summer was the first time I said after sex, “that looks amazing on you, but I’m going to need my $200 bra that I got for free from the internet back.”
Just because you find someone beautiful doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be attracted to them.
After going on a handful of good dates with some really lovely women, I started to feel like maybe something was wrong with me because these dates were very chaste. Very little touching, no goodnight kiss – even after several dates. This is very different from most of my experiences dating men. Were we just friends? What was going on?! These women felt impossible to read. Looking back, the answer was obvious all along. We just didn’t have any chemistry…and I have the feeling they felt the same way about me. It took meeting someone I actually had chemistry with to realize this.
If there’s one creepy straight dude at an LGBT event, he will find me.
EVERY. DAMN. TIME.
And he’ll lurk like the seasoned lurker he is until Rhonda who does bodybuilding comes over and tells him to hit the road.
Because, you know, this is my life after all.