Dating Archives - Page 18 of 22

The other day I was downtown shopping, taking my new pair of mint colored J-Brand jeans for a test drive, when I looked at my phone and noticed there was a missed call from Handsome Guy (we’ve been speaking regularly ever since I got back to BC). When I called him later that evening he said:

“I have a funny story for you Simone”

As you may remember, when Handsome Guy and I arrived at the airport so I could catch my flight to BC, we discovered that my two suitcases were massively overweight. We had to remove a bunch of stuff just so that I’d be able to check my bags. Being the stand-up kind of guy that he is, Handsome Guy agreed to take everything home, pack it all up and ship it out to me so that I wouldn’t be without “daily essentials” like my summer wedge sandals, my Veronica Mars DVD box sets and my favorite sex toys (including my rabbit vibrator, the Fonz & the Sienna Symphony – my favorite G-spot vibrators and the infamous Lelo Ella aka “Super Dildo”) It’s clear that even though we are still getting to know each other, this guy knows me well.

Here’s the story as Handsome Guy explained it to me:

The other day when he was getting ready to leave the house & drop my things off to be shipped, he heard his phone vibrate. However, when he put down the box to check his phone he realized that the vibrations weren’t coming from his pocket, they were coming from the box. “That’s weird” he thought. He picked up the box and that’s when he felt the vibration again. What the hell? Was it possible that he had dropped his phone inside the box when he was packing it and now someone was trying to get in touch with him?! In a panic, Handsome Guy opened the box and began to tear the contents apart in search of whatever was making the noise.

At this point in the story I started to giggle uncontrollably.

“Oh, god! It was my adult toys right?!”

As it turns out, several of my favorite vibrators had decided to all start vibrating their little hearts out as some kind of weird send-off to Toronto.

“I’m sorry about that. That box basically contained a mini sex shop. However, I swore I removed all the batteries before I packed them away”

“I guess you didn’t because those things were definitely active. Don’t worry – I eventually managed to “deactivate” everything & turn them off”

“Oh crap. My Lelo Mona vibrator is in there. It doesn’t run on batteries. It’s like a cell phone and has it’s own charger. With a full charge that thing can vibrate for 4 hours or something. It’s crazy.”

“Wow, so basically it will be vibrating all the way to Winnipeg”

“Pretty much. That thing is nuts. I love my Lelo Mona”

“Well, you don’t have to worry. Your lovely vibrating box is packed tight and is coming soon”

“Wow. That really doesn’t sound good”

“Nope. It really doesn’t”

“I think I need to blog about this”

***

LESSON TO BE LEARNED: Ladies, always remember to remove the batteries from your sex toys (or let them charge down to zero) before you attempt to travel or have your new love interest send them cross country. Otherwise, you risk receiving a note like this from a TSA agent:

Vibrating suitcase = pervy note. I was not the recipient of this note however, I kind of wish I was just so I could take credit for story.

HAPPY WEEKEND! xox

This post was sponsored by EdenFantasys. I received a gift certificate to help fund my on-going addiction to luxury vibrators in exchange for this post. All opinions and awkward situations are my own.

Between The Banker, the creepy single Dads that hit on me in Walmart and these dudes, it seems like all you ever get to read about on Skinny Dip is men behaving badly. I think it’s high time I told you a good story about dating (one that doesn’t end with me having to change my phone number). So here it is:

While I was in Toronto, I went on a date and it was awesome.

(CORRECTION: I actually went on three dates (with the same person) and they were all pretty fantastic.)

I met “Handsome Guy” about 2 years ago through mutual friends. We got along easily and had instant chemistry. The kind of chemistry that other people in the room can sense because it crackles in the air like electricity. Precisely the kind of chemistry you ignore when you’re already in a serious relationship with someone else. Handsome Guy got relegated into the “The Distant Facebook Friend Zone” – an obscure dimension Handsome Guys often get exiled to when girls already have boyfriends. Since I’ve been single I’ve allowed myself to indulge in a bit of a crush on Handsome Guy. After all, he’s charming, handsome and wears nice glasses. Let me just say, Handsome Guy has serious Clark Kent appeal.

Although I’ve been telling myself for months that I’m not ready to date anyone, when Handsome Guy asked me if I’d like to go to an art show with him while I was Toronto, I said yes.

A few days later we met for a drink. When I sat down, one of the first things I blurted out was:

“I’M LEAVING THE CITY IN 5 DAYS”

To which he replied, “Alright, I guess we’ll have to enjoy the time we have!”

When we got to the art show we had planned on attending, we discovered that it wasn’t a gallery exhibit, it was an adult “make your own art” event complete with a DJ and a make-shift bar.

We sat across from each other making paintings and sharing things about our lives. There were no awkward pauses in the conversation. Even when it came to our attention that my “South West inspired” drawing of a cactus really just looked like a giant penis, Handsome Guy gently teased me and I made a joke that unconscious phallic drawings are an occupational hazard of being a sex blogger.

(Although, I’m kind of concerned that my date persona as a 30-something is the female version of that kid from Superbad)

The event was in a chic loft space downtown. When we’d finished creating our masterpieces (I’d filled my canvas with lighting bolts and hearts, he’d managed to cleverly turn my penis/cactus drawing into a guitar which still kind of looked like a penis) we stepped out onto the loft’s fire-escape to get some air. The wrought iron railing of the fire escape was decorated with white Christmas lights and the downtown Toronto skyline shimmered in the background. This is when Handsome Guy kissed me.

It was one of those perfect romantic moments.

We ended the night as all great nights out in Toronto should end: by sharing late-night eats at a 24 hour Pho place in Chinatown.

He pulled out chairs, opened doors, helped me with my coat and after we finished eating, walked me to my subway stop the way a gentleman should.

When I got home I squeeled excitedly to my roommate:

“I went on a date with a hot guy…and it wasn’t horrible! In fact, he was the perfect gentleman!”

Date #2 included more of my favorite things: an oversized leisurely brunch, tacos, more kisses and a long walk through the Annex. I dragged Handsome Guy into my favorite used bookstore (that I can never leave empty handed) and he kindly carried my purchases all the way back to my friend’s place in Kensington Market.

Date #3 was bittersweet and involved Handsome Guy driving me to the airport to catch my flight home. Everything was going great until we arrived at the airport, checked my bags and were told that they were massively overweight. The Air Canada agent told us that we needed to re-pack the bags and/or remove items or they wouldn’t be able to accept them.

I was grateful when Handsome Guy volunteered to help with the re-packing however, I knew that once I unzipped those suitcases he’d be privy to all my secrets. I looked at him and said:

“In about 2 seconds you’re going to get to know me a lot better. Are you ready for that?”

I unzipped the suitcases and suddenly it was like the contents of my life had barfed all over Pearson International Airport. Everything was on display and I mean EVERYTHING.

The Sock Monkeys. The Muppet Paraphernalia. The plastic guitar. More underwear and shoes than any one person requires. So. Many. Sex Toys.

Oddly enough, he didn’t seem phased by any of it.

We worked quickly and got my suitcases down to an acceptable weight. When I flung the largest suitcase back on the scale for what was hopefully the final weigh-in, the agent said to me:

“Looks like you’re good to go. I knew you guys could do it!”

Me: “Would you believe this is our third date?!”

Her: “You guys seem really good together”

I looked at Handsome Guy smiling back at me as he loaded my Prada tote bag overflowing with shoes and a big bag of vibrators back onto the luggage cart (to be shipped to me at a later date) and said:

“Yes, yes we do”

When Handsome Guy and I said goodbye at the gate I told him:

“Thank you for restoring my faith that there are good people out there”

To which he replied, “Thank YOU for restoring my faith”

A few days after I arrived home in BC, I finally decided to crack open the book I had purchased to read on the airplane and out fell an envelope. It was a card from Handsome Guy wishing me a safe trip home & letting me know how much he had enjoyed the time we spent together. He must have slipped it in my bag sometime between arriving at the airport and kissing me goodbye. I smile every time I see the card sitting on my dresser.

Ever since the break-up my heart and sexuality have been on lock-down. I’ve been telling myself that I’m just not ready to get close to anyone (and for a long time this was true). However, before I went to Toronto I had recently graduated to saying “Maybe in 6 months I’ll be ready for a fling but not before then” I saw dating as something I’d do in the distant future however, things don’t always go as planned. Even though I’ve been telling myself that I am not ready for anything, I was so, so ready for this. I was ready to feel sexy again. I was ready to enjoy spending time with someone who enjoys spending time with me. Now that I’m back on the other side of the country I don’t know what the future holds for Handsome Guy and I, but I’m really grateful for the time we’ve been able to spend together.

I was ready to get my groove back.

This is all to say…

Women: Even though this blog often suggests otherwise, there are good guys out there – guys who are sexy AND thoughtful and who’ll hold doors open for you (if you are into that kind of thing… which I am)

Men: Take note, this is how it’s done.

So, now that I sort of feel like I’m back in the blogging groove, what did I miss? What’s new with you guys?! Tell me something good!

One of the things I love about the Eden Fantasys website is that there is so much cool content on there. If you get bored looking at all the brightly colored sex toys, lingerie & the like, there’s forums, video reviews, the Eden Cafe Blog and SexIs Magazine – all of which feature fun & informative information about sex. Recently, I’ve become totally addicted to watching Producer & Sex Educator, Nikol Hasler’s “What Did We Learn” video series. Nikol Hasler’s story is interesting. Sexually active at a young age, her early life was marked by moving from various foster homes, conquering subsequent drug abuse, becoming homeless and pregnant – all before the age of 18. These experiences have given Nikol a unique perspective on sex education. In 2008 she teamed up with a friend to create the Midwest Teen Sex Show – a very popular comedy podcast where she uses her experiences & biting sense of humor to provide straight forward info to teens about sex. She’s since written a book & moved to LA to write a pilot based on her podcast for Comedy Central. In other words, color me impressed. Did I mention she’s also really funny?

Producer & Sex Educator, Nikol Hasler

I was watching her video “Five Things I Wish Someone Else Would Tell My Son” and it got me thinking about what I wish someone had told me about sex when I was a teenager.

The sex education I received in High School was spotty at best. In grade 10 our guidance counsellor Mrs. M (a bleach blonde, middle aged woman with a thick Eastern European accent & a fondness for spike heels, low cut tops & drinking out of a plaid thermos that I swear contained something stronger than coffee) turned on a VHS tape of the Degrassi High’s “School’s Out” TV movie and barked out “VATCH THIS!” before stumbling out of the room. If you haven’t seen this cheesy 1990’s masterpiece, it features a totally awkward scene where a girl shows her friend how to put a condom on a banana – because you know, that’s something that occurs all the time in normal social situations. I knew the basic “birds and bees” stuff but for the most part, sex ed left a lot to be desired. By the time I got to grade 11 my school had it’s own daycare. It’s funny how no one connected the dots here.

So, here’s some basic things I wish someone had told me in Sex Ed:

1. Always, ALWAYS pee after sex. When I was 19, I woke up one morning feeling like someone was stabbing my bladder with Ginsu knives. I thought I was dying. Turns out it was only a bladder infection – something I later learned could have been prevented if I had gone to the bathroom after doing the deed with my boyfriend the night before.

2. Sex Toys exist. Using them and pleasuring yourself isn’t weird or wrong. I feel like there is this massive double standard for men & women when it comes to self-pleasure. In popular culture, guys masturbating is considered “ha ha funny” (think the movie American Pie) whereas when it comes to women pleasuring themselves, it’s still looked upon as something slightly shameful. I didn’t even know vibrators existed for the longest time. When I finally worked up the nerve to go buy one in university it was like this big, secretive deal. Now that I own a whole drawer full of them I realize it’s not a big deal at all. Toys are actually really empowering. I wish more girls knew this.

With that said, if you’re going to use toys make sure they are body safe. Unfortunately, there are many toys out there made of materials that contain phthalates and other toxic chemicals that have been linked to cancer and serious health problems. Protect your girl parts and make sure the sex toy you are buying is labeled as “body safe and phthalate free”. I cringe to think what my first vibe was made of.

3. Sex sometimes involves weird noises, unexpected fluids and laughter. A healthy sex life involves having a sense of humor. Years ago, I was in bed with a former booty call of mine during a heat wave in Toronto. The sex was hot and our body temperatures were even hotter. We were SO sweaty that we were desperately clinging onto each other in fear that if we let go, we might actually slide off the bed. Because there was so much moisture, it created a suction cup effect. Every time we would separate our bodies, a funny farting sound would happen. The sex was so good we didn’t care. This kind of stuff happens. Bodies sometimes make strange noises. Periods arrive unexpectedly. If you’re not mature enough to deal with this & laugh it off with your partner, you’re probably not mature enough to be having sex.

4. Better awareness about condoms. Condoms come in all kinds of different textures, sizes, colors, lubricated/non-lubricated, ribbed/non-ribbed, pineapple flavor etc. Ahhh!!! It’s all very confusing!!! Not all of these condoms are going to work for you. For example, you might be allergic to latex, certain lubes or even spermicide. A sign you might be allergic to spermicide: your girl parts feel like they are on fire after coming in contact with it. True story.

5. Be careful, but don’t be terrified. I came of age amidst the height of the AIDS crisis. In grade 11, our drama teacher brought in an HIV+ AIDS activist to speak to our class. He got up and gave us the following piece of confusing advice: “Kids, don’t fuck your way through Europe like I did” while we all stared at him, open jawed. Combined with a Catholic upbringing, I spent a lot of my late teens/early 20’s having a lot of fear & guilt around sex. I wish someone had just said, “You can have a healthy, fun sex life that’s also safe”

6. Sex Ed for Gay Students. If I felt like I wasn’t getting much out of sex ed class I can’t imagine how my gay classmates must have felt. There was hardly any mention of homosexuality except “It exists. Don’t be homophobic”. No one ever brought up how gay people actually get it on. It was only last year , while watching an episode of “The Real L-Word” that I learned what “scissoring” was all about.

7. If a guy says he doesn’t want to wear a condom, dump him. Guys will go to great lengths to get out of wearing a condom. This includes telling you stuff like “I love you & would feel so much closer to you without one.” I once had a 35-year old man tell me “Condoms just feel impersonal” (and getting/spreading an STD is way more personal) Recently, I also heard another 30-something guy say that his method for protecting himself from STD’s is to “pull out” (um, I don’t think it works that way buddy). Which brings me to #8…

8. Unfortunately, it’s likely some of the people you will sleep with will be morons. Until proven otherwise, assume everyone is as clueless as the guys I mentioned above & take your health into your own hands. Wrap. It. Up. Play safe.

9. Sex often comes with these messy things called FEEEEELINGS. In high school we were told “wait until you’re in a relationship or married” but life doesn’t always happen that way. When I was 18 I started having a slightly scandalous affair with a much older man. The first time we slept together, he came over, we had sex & then he went home 5 minutes later. Nothing could have prepared me for the sense of emptiness I felt after my first casual sex experience. As much as I tried to front like I was all tough & cool when it came to sex back then, the truth was I got attached to people after I slept with them. When those feelings weren’t reciprocated it hurt.

10. Whatever you’re into is OK. Do you want to be spanked? Does porn turn you on? Are you into guys and girls? As long as it’s consensual and no one is getting hurt, whatever you’re into is totally OK. Except maybe clown porn. That’s kind of weird.

What do you wish you had learned in Sex Ed?

*This post was sponsored by Eden Fantasys who kindly sent me a gift certificate in exchange for my over-sharing. As always, all opinions and sordid tidbits are my own.

Thank you to HowAboutWe for sponsoring this post. All opinions and awkward facial expressions are my own.

My first video for Skinny Dip is ready! But first a few things…

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve only tried online dating once with comically disastrous results. However, lately it seems the topic of online dating is impossible to escape. If the people around me aren’t already doing it, they’re talking about doing it. It’s like high school all over again when it felt like everyone was having sex except you. However, this time around I’m not as anxious to see what all the fuss is about.

My friend Chris is also an online dating virgin. The other day he asked me if I’d be interested in participating in a social experiment: we both try online dating & then compare notes over some scotch (him) or top shelf vodka (me). Although I like the idea of good stories & good liquor, I’m still not sure whether online dating is something I want to try (which is why I still haven’t given Chris a yes or no answer). I don’t like the idea of spending even more time online only to end up on a date with someone as ridiculous as The Big Baby. I prefer to meet the people in real life & “kick the tires a bit” to see if there is chemistry before investing my time.

Now enter HowAboutWe, an online dating service that actually sounds pretty cool. HowAboutWe is all about taking online dating offline because that’s where the chemistry happens. Instead of sorting through endless dating profiles, you can post dates you’re interested in going on (ie. “Go for an old school picnic in the park”) and reply to ones you’re into (“Watch Muppet Film Festival playing at the Drive-In this weekend”). If you’re still a bit confused, you can watch their commercial.

HowAboutWe asked me if I’d create a video and share what the phrase “Chemistry Happens Offline” means to me. Last week I got over my camera shyness & made a video for you guys.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to go on a date with me? Wonder no more! I imagine it would play out something like this…

(BTW, my sister wanted me to mention that our Dad is NOT in prison, nor has he ever been. I am however really, really into The Muppets.)

I NEED YOUR HELP GUYS. If you enjoyed our “First Date”, please like my video on Youtube. HowAboutWe is offering a $1500 cash prize for the most “liked” video. Please help a girl out! VOTE. SHARE. TWEET. GO NUTS! It’s good karma plus I will love you forever & owe you lots of big creepy hugs if/when we meet in person.

(Or, if you’re feeling inspired you can also post your own video for the contest!)

Also, if you’re interested in trying out HowAboutWe, they are offering 33% off subscriptions for readers of Skinny Dip if you enter the coupon code vdaylove.

Do you think real chemistry happens offline?

Some of the best conversations I’ve ever had have occurred between my Mom and I while we sit at our kitchen table. We have a nice living room but we really only use it for watching TV. The kitchen table is where everything goes down in our house. It’s where we show our love through food, have our morning coffee, talk about life, laugh, cry. It’s the same story whenever I go to my grandma’s house. The kitchen table is where it’s at. I haven’t figured out if this is a Eastern European thing or just a “my family thing.” Last week one of my kitchen table conversations with my Mom turned to my recent (albeit reluctant) foray into self-help books. I was trying to explain to my Mom the concept behind the book He’s Just Not That Into that I wrote about recently. I explained that the book teaches you how to value you yourself, not waste time on guys who aren’t really into you and to let the good ones come to you.

I absolutely adore this photo.

{found via Pinterest}

“I don’t know Simone. It doesn’t sound very modern. It sounds like the men still have all the power. Like, they are allowed to just go ahead and do whatever they want and all the responsibility for dating falls on the women to let them know that they are jerks” my Mom responded.

“I know it probably sounds that way Mom but think about it: If more women made a commitment to stop accepting sub-par treatment from the people they date and men realized that they could no longer get laid as easily, the game would change. Basically it comes down to basic economics. If the market changes and you don’t adapt you get left in the dust.”

(As you can tell I’ve been watching too many episodes of House of Lies – which I love BTW)

“Oh and Mom, this doesn’t just apply to men. There’s women out who treat men like crap too.”

“Ok, I see your point”

“Besides, as much as we like to think we can control other people’s actions, we can’t. We can only control how we react to them.”

“That’s true”

“I’m learning stuff Mom”

“I know. I raised a smart cookie”

(and yes, I learned that last bit in therapy. THERAPY RULES!)

My final thoughts on He’s Just Not that Into You:

I initially thought this book was going to be silly but it got me thinking. We are all entitled to awesome relationships that make us happy. Imagine what would happen if we all made a commitment to stop wasting the pretty, to respect and demand respect from the people around us and only accept the best treatment: I think we’d start a love revolution. My suggestion:

Let’s start a love revolution this weekend. Who’s onboard?!

Happy Weekend! xox

This is What Happens When You Date Me

How Simone Got Her Groove Back

10 Things I Wish Sex Ed Had Taught Me

Curious What Our Chemistry Would Be Like Offline?

Vive La Revolution

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