Actual Conversations From the Other Night

Whenever I’m feeling creatively uninspired, I’ve learned that one of the best things I can do is to step away from my computer, get out of the house and interact with the outside world. Considering most of my nights lately have involved carbs, a blanket and a steady stream of Netflix, I figured it was high time I get out of the house and socialize with someone other than my cat. What resulted, was one of the busiest weekends I’ve had all summer. Friday night I went out dancing for a friend’s going away party, Saturday I spent with my best friend and her daughter, and then the past two days have been spent with my friend Abby who is visiting from Las Vegas. I even met her friend Ethan who is a local blogger out of Vancouver (hooray for new blogger friends!) I’ve had four fabulous days full of good friends, good food & good drinks. It’s been so much fun –  but more on that later!

As I mentioned, Friday night I found myself at a going away party for my friend Gina who is moving to Scotland with her husband this fall. We started off at a friend’s place and after a couple of glasses of wine made our way downtown to Lucky Bar – one of Sleepytown’s better spots. Going out to a bar or club in this town is always interesting because it’s so different than the Toronto night life I am used to. In Victoria, you’ll never get searched & patted down before entering your night spot of choice, $10 will get you a drink for you AND a friend, and you’ll likely see as more girls in flats & flip flops than stilettos (something that I’m still trying to wrap my Toronto-ized brain around). Also you should be prepared for the fact that almost no matter where you go, West Coast Hip Hop reigns supreme. If you don’t hear at least one song by Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, 2Pac or Warren G. at some point during the night, something is very, very wrong.

Ever since my self imposed hiatus from online dating, I’ve opened myself up to the possibility of meeting someone the “good old fashion way.” However, I haven’t had much success. A friend of mine told me, “you just need to put out the right vibe and it will happen!” I figured Friday night was the perfect time to test this theory.

So, there I was on the dance-floor, shaking my hips (in my flat sandals) to Dre’s “Next Episode” when a guy we’ll call Bachelor #1 approached me. Bachelor #1 bore an uncanny resemblance to “Thriftshop” rapper Macklemore – right down to the ginger hair and identical haircut.

Bachelor #1:  “What’s your name? Oh, wait – with moves like yours it must be Beyonce!”

Me: “Um, thanks?!” (Repressing hysterical laughter.)

Bachelor #1: Where did you learn to dance like that?

I wanted to tell him the truth – that during a particularly bad bout with insomnia during university, I’d often stay awake most of the night watching videos on BET until a doctor eventually prescribed me sleeping pills. However, instead I decided to keep things simple and replied, “In Toronto”

We stood around talking for a bit until he politely excused himself to go grab another drink.

Although his opening line was undeniably cheesy, if being called Beyonce was the worst that could happen, maybe interacting with the local male population wasn’t as bad as I thought.

Enter Bachelor #2 – a tall, attractive Canadian guy with dark hair. I was nursing a cocktail on the edge of the dance floor when he approached and immediately began speaking to me.

Bachelor #2: I’m hoping you can answer a question for me. Which do you prefer: The Dark Knight or the Dark Knight Rises?

Me: You mean like the Batman movies? Uh, I guess neither?

Bachelor #2: Neither?! That’s an answer I’ve never heard before!

Me: Well, what’s the one with Heath Ledger in it?

Bachelor #2: The Dark Knight.

Me: I guess, I’ll go with that one.

Bachelor #2: A fine choice! Thanks for settling a bet between my buddy and I. BYE!

And like the caped crusader himself, Bachelor #2 disappeared into the crowd never to be seen again.

HUH?

When I told my best friend this story she commented, “I totally thought he was going to ask you if you wanted to see his Dark Knight rise…because you know, that actually seems like something someone would say to you.”

Throughout the evening, my friend and I noticed that there was this skinny, dark haired guy always lurking right next to us, giving us the eager, crazy eyes.

Friend: “It’s like, every time we’re trying to have a moment, he’s there! I just want him to go away.”

Me: “I know, he just keeps popping up everywhere.”

For the rest of the evening, I dubbed Bachelor #3 “Whack-a-Mole”

Although Gina did her best to shield me from Whack-a-Mole, eventually he cornered me and began to ask me a series of rapid fire questions.

Bachelor #3: “What’s your name?”

Me: “Simone”

Bachelor #3: “What do you do?”

Me: “I’m a writer.”

Bachelor #3: “What do you have to do to become a writer?”

Me: “Go to school”

Bachelor #3: “Where did you go to school?”

Me: “U of T”

Bachelor #3: “How much money do you make?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Bachelor #3: “Enough to buy me a drink?”

Me: “Definitely not.”

As I walked away, I grabbed Gina and said,

“If anyone asks tonight, you’re my wife.”

From Macklemore to Whack-a-mole,

THIS IS WHAT I’M WORKING WITH PEOPLE.

Next time someone asks me why I’m not dating anyone in this city, I’m just going to send them the link to this post.

How was your weekend?! 

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