People have been emailing me all week ever since Hipster Barbie exploded onto the internet, gently urging me to write about her. I thought our very own Joe the Intern was better suited to the task.
Dear Hipster Barbie,Joe here. At first I was intimidated by you because your life looks so much more awesome than mine, what with your perfectly aligned sun flares & the world’s tiniest Pendleton blanket. However, that was before I decided that I love you.
Despite the fact that I have the abilities of Chuck Norris and the cheekbones of Hilary Swank, I know that I’m not your usual type. I’m more Hasbro than Herschel. I think Cold Brew tastes like dirty mud puddles and I’ve never spent $150 on a plaid shirt – or any shirt because my chiseled biceps refuse to be confined by traditional haberdashery. I don’t have a subscription to Kinfolk and you won’t catch me carrying around an unread, dog-eared copy of Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughter House Five in my back pocket, but I do really like to read Archie comics. I’m also perpetually working as an unpaid intern for a cutting edge media company that pays me in exposure & experience. However, judging by how much time you spend in coffee shops, you should be used to my kind.
With that said, I feel like we have a lot in common. We both love going on adventures and seeing photos of ourselves on the Internet. Plus, I will treat you better than the dudes you usually meet down at Stumptown coffee. I will never tell you that I’m “not into labels” and you’ll never have to worry about me breaking up with you because my band is going on tour or because I need to focus on my terrarium business. Also, because I never developed a taste for artisanal kombucha, hand made cashmere beanies or $18 cold pressed juice, those financial savings can be put towards our epic future travel plans. Let me be that hand leading you down that foggy beach, the other pair of feet in your next #fromwhereistand photo, the Ludwig to your Perpetua.
So, let’s drink a kale smoothie out of something that looks like a mason jar sometime. I’ve heard they actually taste pretty good if you add enough jellybeans.
Call me maybe?
Yours,
Joe.
PS. If you haven’t already, you can now follow Joe the Intern on his new personal Instagram account.
