I’ve got Daddy Issues and not in the way you’d expect.
Today after my usual Sunday morning gym work-out & Starbucks, I headed over to my local Walmart. My baby sister (aka Skinny Dip Jr.) is coming to visit for the week and I needed to buy an air mattress pump.
Let me preface this story by saying two things:
1) The Walmart closest to me is extremely sketchy. Like, if a staff person sees you eyeing up a tube of $4.99 mascara or a pack of razors, they’ll immediately approach you and say “Excuse me Miss, I’m going to need to escort you to the cash register. You need to purchase those before you can continue shopping”. This happened to me last week. I wish I was kidding. I’m convinced there is either a lot of theft at this location or there are a lot of attempted in-store suicides which probably happen when people realize they are shopping in the worst Walmart ever.
2) I had just come from the gym, was wearing no make-up and hadn’t showered yet. (I’d forgotten my flip flops and I wasn’t going to risk the floor of the gym shower just to smell fresh for my visit to sketchy Walmart)
I was in the camping equipment aisle when it happened.
I smelled him before I saw him: B.O, cooking oil, Old Spice.
My nose crinkled. I turned around and was face to face with a 40-ish looking Dad with a stroller containing two little boys.
Walmart Dad: “Oh hello there!”
Me: “Um, hi?”
Walmart Dad (as he points towards a display of air mattresses): “Do you have any of these in YOUR bedroom?”
I wanted to yell at him and say “NO DUDE. WHY WOULD I?! I OWN A REAL BED!”
Instead, I just shook my head, grabbed the first air mattress pump I saw & walked away as quickly as possible before he could tell me he needed help “pitching a tent”.
Coincidentally, this is the ad has been showing up on my Facebook sidebar on a regular basis:
UNIVERSE, I KNOW YOU’RE TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING BUT THE ANSWER IS NO.
On that note, to all you good Dads out there, HAPPY FATHERS DAY!