Interview | Living a Sexy Life With Dr Rebecca Rosenblat

sexpert 1

The word “sexpert” gets thrown around a lot these days. Heck, I’ve even had the word featured under my byline. However, Rebecca Rosenblat is the real deal. Call her an “OG” Sexpert if you will. Rebecca’s credentials are impressive to say the least. She’s a Toronto based Certified Psychotherapist, Relationship & Sexuality Educator, Author, Talk Show Host and one of Top10AdultDatingSites resident Sexperts. Along with being a popular voice in Canadian media, she’s a professional member of CRPO, AASECT, AAMFT, OAMFT, IITAP and FRSH. Yes, this woman does it all.


I read that you come from a psychiatric background. What inspired you to shift your career to focus on sex & relationship issues? 

I was working primarily with schizophrenics, and it broke my heart that while we can better manage them, as far as a cure goes, we’re no further along than the days when they were locked up.  My cases ripped my heart out and I was starting to burn out; so I decided to switch my focus to an area where I knew that the treatment worked!

Tell us a bit about your role as a Sexpert for Top10AdultDatingSites

It’s an honor and a privilege to have a venue that allows me to spread important messages all across the world – a classic example of how amazing it is that the globe is now a small enough place for all of us to join forces, in helping people.

As one of Canada’s leading relationship, sexuality and healing experts, what’s your favourite part of your job? 

All of it – I can no more choose between the various facets than between my kids.  The broadcast aspect has a far reach, the one-on-one work goes much deeper and shows profound results.  With the former, I barely realize the impact, outside of when people pull me aside in public places and share how my show has transformed them – I suppose even a tiny mind shift is worth the effort!

I’ve written a bit about my experiences as a woman who writes about sex and some of the (often hilarious) misconceptions and attitudes that I’ve had to face. What are some of the challenges of being a woman who’s an expert in the field of sexuality and relationships?

I guess you’re aware of how your sex life doesn’t feel so private any more – people will ask direct questions that they wouldn’t of anyone else .  People also assume that I must want sex all the time, I must swing from chandeliers – not to mention participate in every fetish I speak/write about.  The other side is curiosity – especially from men – so you have all kinds of people hitting on you all the time, which can be flattering, but I think I disappoint them by not accepting their offers.  Finally, and very sadly, many women get jealous if I’m around – ladies, I don’t want your husbands, I barely have time to tend to mine!


I love that you have a variety of different seminars and lectures that are designed to help women (& men!) lead their best romantic lives. What inspired you to create the “Doormat to Diva” series? 

I feel women are under a lot of pressure – we’re expected to look good but then judged for trying to do so; we’re expected to be nice but then taken advantage of; we’re expected to have self esteem, but then referred to negatively, so many end up holding back, and living to pleasing others, while possibly looking for outside validation.  It’s the reason I wrote my latest book “Sexual Power” which gives women (and men) the permission to live life on their own terms, so they can be happier, and make for better partners.

I also do male focused stuff, because they too often suffer from double standards.  It’s okay for a woman to have a male friend or a vibrator, but a guy having a female plutonic friend is thought of as a phoney – heaven forbid if he has a Fleshlight in his night table, right beside his partner’s toys.

But overall, it’s not so much about the genders as it is about giving people the permission and the instruction to be their best selves!

book cover - front and back

If a woman feels like she has fallen into “doormat” territory what are a few ways she can turn that around? 

First and foremost, she needs to be clear on what she wants, what makes her happy, what fills her, so she can go after those things.

Next, she needs to see what/who stands in her way – sometimes it can be she herself.  This may require digging deep – involving therapy at times – so she can see if she’s caught in repetition compulsion, i.e., repeating old, traumatic patterns, hoping to rewrite a happy ending.

Once she understands what she needs to, she should find supportive people who will cheer her on – and help her, if need be – so she can clean out the unnecessary baggage in her emotional closet, and come out as the person she is, the woman she was meant to be!

When it comes to sex advice, what’s one of the most common questions you get from women?

How can I teach my partner to be a better lover without hurting his/her ego?  A close second, how can I make my sex life better? – this can tie into anything from libido to technique, getting past abuse to coping with menopause.

Once a woman has become a “Diva” (in your words) what advice would you give her when it comes to seducing a man?

Ladies first – i.e. even though you may be seducing him, make sure you don’t forget about your own desires, because that’s the sexiest thing of all.

For the women out there who feel awkward flirting, what tips would you give them?

We were born to flirt!  Just look at babies – they mirror your posture, open up their body language, smile, and then mimic your every move; it’s that simple.  So ditch what you’ve been told about flirting and go for it.  It’s not about taking someone to bed, it’s about being playful to make yourself and the other person feel good.

A simple way to start is, when you like someone, try to catch their gaze, instead of turning away quickly.  Basically, you smile, and look at them for at least 2-3 seconds, doing a flirting triangle – your gaze should go from their left eye to right eye to mouth, back to left eye – then look away for a second or two and return with the triangle, starting with the right eye this time.

I also love that you have a seminar called The Art of Dating. If you could tell women one thing that would improve their success at dating, what would it be? What about men?

For both men and women, make the goal “having fun”, and really getting to know people – don’t stress over whether or not they’re the one.  And don’t worry about how you appear to them – they’re more worried about how they appear to you.  So just ask open ended questions and let them talk.  We have two eyes, two ears and one mouth – use that ratio to be twice as attentive to them, versus talking about yourself.

Lastly, the term “sexy” gets thrown around a lot. What does “living a sexy life” mean to you personally?

It means embracing my sensuality and not being afraid of it – it doesn’t mean forcefully trying to show that I’m sexy, since we can appear trashy that way.  My whole book talks about embracing your sexual power unapologetically, ’cause it creates the most fun, level playing field!

Thank you Rebecca for the great interview!

This post was brought to you by Top10AdultDatingSites. Thanks for supporting the posts that support this blog. 

Single Is The New Black? Um, Not So Much


(photo credit via handmade charlotte

Last month I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell, a renowned psychologist, relationship expert and author, for a Toronto Sun article. She was lovely to work with and kindly offered to send me a copy of her new book, Single is the New Black: Don’t Wear White ‘Til it’s Right to review (Thank you!) However, since I am currently trying to wrap up edits on my own book, I handed off the task to SD contributor Vendredi. Take it away, V!


We’ve all been through the dating jungle. You go on date after date with no real prospects. After several dates, you want to throw in the towel because you’re so frustrated with the fact that love is just not coming your way. Then comes the negative self-talk – are you good enough? Or is there something wrong with you as you’re single and pretty much everyone else is dating. And really, why wouldn’t you think that? The media, friends and family perpetuates relationships stereotypes and makes you feel like a leper if you’re single.

Single is the New Black: Don’t Wear White ‘Til it’s Right, the new book by Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell debunks all conventional ideas as to why you’re still single. Instead of telling you exactly how or whom to date, this book encourages you to be yourself, and keep that glimmer of hope alive because, if you’re still single, it just hasn’t happened for you, which doesn’t make you “lesser than.” All it means is that it’s just not your time, which is probably one of the most important things we need to hear when we’re trying to navigate through the dating jungle.

What I did like about the book:

SITNB is honest.

Reading this book made me feel like I was talking with my true friends. Sometimes the truth is hard to swallow, but like a good friend the book told me the truth, not things I needed to hear to make me feel good about myself.

The book didn’t act as a self-help guide to find a relationship.

Never did it once mention tips or advice on landing the perfect mate. We’re all aware of the societal pressures about dating/marriage, and several dating books seem to hone in on finding the perfect soul mate – often relaying messages that are pejorative to women. This book debunked the myth that there was nothing wrong with being single, and most importantly nothing wrong with you.

Abrell kept it real.

The chapters were all broken down in the same way making it an easy read. Two particular sub-sections really resonated with me: “Guy Talk,” where she offered weird and wonderful male perspectives and, and “The Awful Truth”: what women really think/feel about women who are single. These sub-sections not only offered multiple perspectives, but kept it real for the readers.

What could have been improved:

In attempts to offer encouragement, Dr. Abrell seemed to only trivialize singledom.

She seemed to make being single seem like a trendy phase. On the one hand, she’s saying “ don’t settle, stay true to yourself, as you are smart, sexy, savvy “catches” who will eventually get “caught” so there’s no need to settle for anything less than a stellar relationship.”

However, on the other hand, the book made women seem incomplete without a relationship. This was articulated in her intro. She knew there was nothing wrong with herself prior to finding her match, but yet felt more at peace when she found a man. For women who have been searching for their right partner for a long time, the fear of being along is real. For these women being single is not trendy, it’s certainly not the new black…it’s their reality, so please don’t trivialize it by throwing it back in the reader’s faces that you’re in a stellar relationship when others aren’t.

The book an easy read, but too basic.

I’m all for easy reads, but I literally felt like I was reading Seventeen magazine (all I needed was acne medication ads and colour photos of prepubescent models to boot). I totally understand she was trying to keep it fun and flirty, but in actuality it was almost too juvenile for such a sensitive topic. I appreciated the chapter break downs and how the book was segmented, but it was too superficial for my liking I felt that it catered to an early to mid 20- something audience.

She kept reinforcing that you don’t have to change one bit to find a relationship.

I don’t know if that’s necessarily true. Sometimes changing yourself is good for a relationship—in fact; perhaps necessary because relationships are based on compromise as there is no such thing as a “perfect fit” between people. And while it’s definitely not recommended to change your morals and values, or the person you are, dropping negative traits or bad habits is change for good in relationships.

I would recommend this to my friends if they were looking for a good laugh or an easy read, but definitely not as a guide to relationships as there was no real advice to offer.

Vendredi bio

If you’re looking for a list of awesome, female centric must-reads, make sure you check out this list and this list for some of our top book recommendations. 


What I Learned From My First Festival Experience


One thing that you should know about my boyfriend, The Secret Agent is that he has more zest for life than many men half his age. If there’s a concert, art show, festival, opening or anything note worthy happening, he wants to be there to experience it. I partly attribute this to the years he spent living in New York City. His willingness to try new things and embark on adventures pushes me to do the same – one of the many reasons I like him so much.

With that said, as the months have passed (fun, adventure & music filled months…) I’ve learned that The Secret Agent and I have very different personalities. He is very much an extrovert who gets his energy from being out and about with other people; whereas I fall somewhere in between extrovert and introvert. I love being the life of the party, however when the party is over I’m more than happy to retreat back to my “mole hole” (the nickname I have for the bedroom/office that constitutes Skinny Dip HQ) for some quiet R&R (cue: books, blankets and podcasts.)

Now flashback to the night he and I met, when over drinks he brought up the Squamish Valley Music Festival. SVMF is a huge festival that takes place in the mountains, about a 40 minute drive from Whistler, BC. The Secret Agent has attended for the past few years. I’ve never been to a music festival. I love live music however, (thanks to multiple viewings of the Woodstock movie with my Mom over the years) I’ve always viewed music festivals as crowded, drug and mud-filled events with questionable toilet situations. I also don’t camp – at all – making me both an anomaly on the West Coast and (I presumed) ill prepared for a music festival.

However, as The Secret Agent told me about all of the acts he’d seen over the years, I could hear the excitement in his voice. Maybe I could enjoy a music festival? I mean, it’s now or never right?!

As I inch closer to my mid-thirties I’ve become way more aware of how we, as humans shape our own stories. Some of my proudest and most enjoyable moments over the past three years have come about when I’ve pushed myself outside of my comfort zone and challenged long held beliefs about myself. Can’t work out in the morning? Yeah, I was wrong about that. Can’t have a full-time freelancing biz and write a book? Wrong. Will never enjoy the music of Drake? Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Although I knew these things about myself, when The Secret Agent purchased us two tickets to the festival and the weekend grew closer, I became anxious. Would the crowds and overall intensity of the festival be too much for me? What would I wear? Would everyone think I was an old lady if I didn’t show up to this thing in frayed daisy dukes and a crocheted vest? I mean, what is the deal with crocheted vests? OH MY GOD WHAT WILL THE BATHROOM SITUATION BE LIKE?


Although the bathroom situation left a lot to be desired, that whole “music festivals aren’t my thing” refrain that’s been part of my story for the past 34 years – yeah, I was wrong about that too. I had a really awesome weekend. I heard so much amazing music in such a short time that it was completely surreal (Sam Smith, Gorgon City, Drake, Schoolboy Q, Alabama Shakes & A$AP Rocky were faves.) The Secret Agent even made a Joe the Intern t-shirt that he could wear while we enjoyed the festival & the gorgeous scenery in Squamish.

(Joe says, “I’m not too clear on what goes on in people’s bathing suit areas, but I like seeing my face on a t-shirt. I wish I had a t-shirt”)



I also learned a few things from losing my festival experience, so here they are:

1. You have to let the music festival take you where it takes you – Similar to my philosophy on how to do Vegas, in order to have a good time at a music festival you just have to give in to the energy of the whole thing. In other words, you start having fun as soon as you stop worrying about that damn crocheted vest.

2. Wet Wipes are your friend – I’m so glad that I came armed with tons of anti-bacterial wipes and hand sanitizer…. because I needed it. Those porta-potties get really gross by the end of the day. For some reason they seemed to get extra disgusting on the day that Mumford and Sons headlined and I never figured out why. Come prepared, my friends!

3. You will have a new found appreciation for indoor plumbing of all kinds. Never will a shower and a real toilet seem so incredibly wonderful as they do after a full day festival-ing. Even the bathroom at Subway will seem luxurious in comparison.

SVMF 3(There’s lots to see and do at SVMF, so sometimes we had to split up to catch it all. Here’s Hammer taking in the very rainy A$AP Rocky show while Joe watches Hot Chip. Joe says, “Considering Hot Chip are from London, this was not what I was expecting. Where are the singing potatoes? The newspaper wrapping? THE GIANT DEEP FRYER?! These red laser lights though…“)

4. There will be lots of delicious food at your musical festival. That doesn’t mean you have to eat all of it. If you’re gluten and dairy intolerant, don’t decide to binge on mini-doughnuts and poutine every night. Just don’t. I learned this the hard way. Instead, stick to the stuff that you know is OK (like that really awesome Jerk Chicken food truck you discovered and those chocolate dipped strawberries on a stick that you’re still thinking about.)

5. You will come in contact with bare ass-cheeks. This can’t be avoided. Women don’t wear a lot of clothes to music festivals: fact. While getting ready to watch the A$AP Rocky show, I noticed a really attractive young woman wearing the bathing suit I’d just purchased from American Apparel and a pair of white sneakers. That’s it. The swimsuit shows a substantial amount of ass (this was another “it’s now or never!” purchase) and the crowd was tightly packed. As the crowd began to move to the music, my swimsuit twin’s semi-bare ass cheeks began to repeatedly slap my arm, which was clutching onto my cross body bag for dear life. No matter where I shifted my body I somehow came in contact with her butt cheeks. This is why Wet Wipes are your friend.

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(“For a safe festival experience, don’t Drake and Drive.” – Hammer.)

6. I can step out of my comfort zone and everything will be OK. (Except for those washrooms. Those will never be OK but you just have to roll with it.) About five years ago, I wrote about going on a roller coaster for the first time. My first festival experience felt very similar.

The thing that I was afraid of and thought was so beyond my comfort zone (going to a huge, boisterous festival in the mountains), really wasn’t. It was more a matter of letting go of that fear. I also learned when it comes to experiences like this, you just have to do things your way. I wore clothes that I feel comfortable in (cute flats & a collection of boho-ish trapeze dresses) and did the whole weekend sober (because day drinking makes me feel gross).

I learned that I actually love music festivals, but I will never be the drunk, half-naked girl in the fringed bikini, crowd surfing to Drake (and I am totally OK with that.)

The Secret Agent and I capped off our epic weekend by driving down to Seattle to see D’Angelo play – a concert that was nothing short of amazing & rivals Prince as one of the best performances I’ve ever seen.

I enjoyed myself so much that I’m already researching other festivals I can go to. So far I have my eyes on Voodoo Fest 2016 in NOLA. Who’s in?!

Oh how things change.

Have you ever been to a festival? What did you think?

A Love Letter to Hipster Barbie


People have been emailing me all week ever since Hipster Barbie exploded onto the internet, gently urging me to write about her. I thought our very own Joe the Intern was better suited to the task.  ear Hipster Barbie, Joe here. At first I was intimidated by you because your life looks so much moreContinue reading

Zestra: Like Giving Your Sex Life a Shot of Espresso


f you’re a regular reader of this blog, you might assume that when it comes to sex, I’m always ready to rock and roll, all the time, at the drop of a hat. In reality, this couldn’t be further from the truth. I don’t always blog in real time, so a lot of the sexualContinue reading

2015 Summer Product Round-up: Winners & Losers

Roundup 1

The summer of 2015 has been a busy one, product wise. I’ve had lots of awesome things come across my desk…and also some (good intentioned) but not so awesome ones. To keep you guys up to speed, I thought I’d share with you some of the winners, losers and ones to watch. 1. Sutil LubeContinue reading

How To Style Your Nightstand 3 Different Ways

How to style a nightstand

oday I’m here to talk about one night stand – and not the kind I usually write about on this blog. I’m talking about nightstands of the furniture variety, not the “I overindulged at  99 cent margarita Monday and now I can’t feel my face” variety. While working my way through Mission: Make Bedroom Sexy,Continue reading