On Lovers and Learning How to Hold On Lightly

by Skinny Dip on November 19, 2014

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of lovers.

I know that the word “lovers” makes many of us cringe. Up until recently, I subscribed to Liz Lemon’s philosophy that the only place the word “lovers” belongs is in between “meat” and “pizza.” However, I’m asking you to hold back your dry heaves & bear with me for a minute.

I few months ago, I was out for drinks with a few of my girlfriends. My friend started to tell the group about an acquaintance of hers who, after turning 40, decided to completely re-think her approach to sex.

“She old me she’s done with the booty calls, one night stands and “friends with benefits” scenarios of her youth. Instead she’s decided to take lovers” my friend explained to us.

Lovers 1 What followed was a discussion about the nature of “taking a lover” and how exactly it differs from the other options mentioned above. As it was explained to my friend, “taking a lover” is about an arrangement between two adults that involves enjoying each others company – both inside and outside of the bedroom – without the binding commitment of a traditional relationship. Unlike being “friends with benefits” which requires a pre-existing friendship, having a lover simply means you enjoy having sex each other and sometimes this comes with the added bonus of some quality companionship.

As I sipped my whiskey sour and mulled this over, I couldn’t help but think all of this sounded incredibly modern and sophisticated – like something out of a French movie. (Cue moody accordion music and cigarette smoke.)

“I think that’s what I’ve been doing with The European” I shared with them.

The European and I met almost a year ago when I decided to try online dating again. The first time I showed my best friend a photo of this guy her reaction was immediate: “Wow, Simone – he’s so not your usual type.”

Aside from being tall and handsome, The European is pretty much the physical antithesis of the kinds of guys I usually go for: he’s distinctly Nordic looking with naturally white blond hair and blue eyes. He’ll probably hate me for saying this, but without knowing him, you might mistake The European for (gasp) a Hipster. If you need a visual, think Alexander Skarsgard with geeky on purpose Elvis Costello glasses.

wallpaper_di_alexander_skarsgard-1152x864 With that said, there was something that drew me to his profile. Although he was born in Canada, he’d spent most of his life living abroad. Amidst the (literal) sea of guys you usually meet online in Victoria, The European seemed smart, sophisticated and well, different. However, I’d be lying if I didn’t mention that I also liked how his arms looked in one of his photos.

We exchanged a few messages and a few nights later met for a drink at a local Oyster bar. My first impression of The European was that he seemed very serious, bordering on austere. However, a few minutes into our drinks and we were laughing and bonding over our mutual love of electronic music and the band Disclosure. When he walked me home, he kissed me outside of my house. I liked his lips and how he gripped me in his arms – gentle, yet deliberate and wanting. We made plans to see each other again.

There was a second date – this time at a local brew-pub (which I was completely overdressed for in my new Rachel Roy dress & cage heels) – and another kiss. Unlike a lot of my recent dates who just wanted to talk about Crossfit, I liked that I could have actual intellectual conversations with The European. I was looking forward to seeing him again.

However, a few days before we were scheduled to meet up, I received a text from him.

[click to continue…]

{ 1 comment }

Things I Would Tell My 20-Year Old Self #15 – John

November 19, 2014

Hello Skinny Dippers! I’m working on book stuff today, so my friend John Drake has kindly volunteered to step in with the next instalment of the Things I’d Tell My 20-Year Old Self series. John is my former writing partner, a fellow motorcycle & sex/dating/relationship enthusiast and one of the best dudes I know. I hope you enjoy reading John’s advice! Stay […]

Read the full article →

Review | Introducing the Sonia Wand by Sensual Hut

November 5, 2014

A few years ago I bought the Hitachi Magic Wand  because I’d heard it was the “Cadillac of Vibrators” – the original, the be-all-end-all, the orgasm holy grail. Frankly, I was curious (who wouldn’t be?!) However, I think I am the only person on earth that doesn’t completely love the Hitachi. Yes, it’s truly the most powerful vibrator I’ve ever experienced – […]

Read the full article →

How to Create the Perfect Sexy Smoky Eye

October 30, 2014

You’ve got the sexy outfit. Your hair is bouncy, curly, and voluminous. You’ve got that perfect shade of lipstick that makes you feel fancy, fantastic, and fabulous. You’ve got it all going on, except… that perfect sexy smoky eye that you’re lusting after. There have been many times where I’ve attempted to get that smoky eye look, only to have my makeup […]

Read the full article →

5 Things I Learned From My Week on eHarmony

October 29, 2014

If you’re subscribed to the Skinny Dip Facebook page, you may have read that one of the clients I write for recently paid me to try eHarmony for a week and journal my experiences. So, that happened. Now that my article has been sent off to my editor, I’m free to share with you guys the “skinny” on what eHarmony is all […]

Read the full article →

Review | These Shoes Were Made for Dancing…Almost

October 22, 2014

I don’t know about you, but when it comes to putting together boudoir looks (i.e. lingerie or sexy costumes) the shoes are always an afterthought. I usually just grab my favourite pair of super high, black patent leather, stiletto pumps and call it a day. However, lately I’ve been thinking more about shoes and how they play into acting out your fantasies […]

Read the full article →

10 Things To Do at The Everything To Do With Sex Show

October 21, 2014

 Remember that time I spent the afternoon hanging out with male strippers and checking out sex toys? Yep, it’s that time of year again! The Everything to Do with Sex Show is taking place in Toronto this weekend. The ETDWSS is North America’s largest sex and romance consumer show, packed with seminars, stage shows, celebrities, erotic art, shopping, and kink. Since I’m on the […]

Read the full article →

Meet Vancouver’s Most Eligible Bachelorette

October 14, 2014

Life is weird and fun, and sometimes cool stuff happens like when you get chosen as one of “Vancouver’s Most Eligible Bachelorettes.” In July, I flew over to Vancouver to meet with the Eligible Magazine team to be interviewed and do a glam photo-shoot around Vancouver’s gorgeous Coal Harbour. It was such a fun (but hot & sweaty) day and everyone I […]

Read the full article →

Review | Oh La La Cheri Black Lace Chemise

October 7, 2014

I’m so excited to share with you guys one of my new favourite pieces of lingerie! Everyone, meet the Black Lace Chemise by Oh la la Cheri. When the cool folks over at Lovehoney offered to send me this beauty to review I was super psyched. A lot of my sexy lingerie is super structured (think corsets and bustiers) so I was […]

Read the full article →

Sex, Lust and Ruskie Business

October 5, 2014

Since writing this post several of you have reached out and requested more dating, sex and relationship stories. I often don’t write in real time, so here’s one from my personal vault – circa a few years ago.  Recently, a friend and I were discussing the topic of hooking up with people in other countries.A few minutes into the discussion I realized that […]

Read the full article →