The word “sexpert” gets thrown around a lot these days. Heck, I’ve even had the word featured under my byline. However, Rebecca Rosenblat is the real deal. Call her an “OG” Sexpert if you will. Rebecca’s credentials are impressive to say the least. She’s a Toronto based Certified Psychotherapist, Relationship & Sexuality Educator, Author, Talk Show Host and one of Top10AdultDatingSites resident Sexperts. Along with being a popular voice in Canadian media, she’s a professional member of CRPO, AASECT, AAMFT, OAMFT, IITAP and FRSH. Yes, this woman does it all.
It’s an honor and a privilege to have a venue that allows me to spread important messages all across the world – a classic example of how amazing it is that the globe is now a small enough place for all of us to join forces, in helping people.
As one of Canada’s leading relationship, sexuality and healing experts, what’s your favourite part of your job?
All of it – I can no more choose between the various facets than between my kids. The broadcast aspect has a far reach, the one-on-one work goes much deeper and shows profound results. With the former, I barely realize the impact, outside of when people pull me aside in public places and share how my show has transformed them – I suppose even a tiny mind shift is worth the effort!
I’ve written a bit about my experiences as a woman who writes about sex and some of the (often hilarious) misconceptions and attitudes that I’ve had to face. What are some of the challenges of being a woman who’s an expert in the field of sexuality and relationships?
I guess you’re aware of how your sex life doesn’t feel so private any more – people will ask direct questions that they wouldn’t of anyone else . People also assume that I must want sex all the time, I must swing from chandeliers – not to mention participate in every fetish I speak/write about. The other side is curiosity – especially from men – so you have all kinds of people hitting on you all the time, which can be flattering, but I think I disappoint them by not accepting their offers. Finally, and very sadly, many women get jealous if I’m around – ladies, I don’t want your husbands, I barely have time to tend to mine!
I love that you have a variety of different seminars and lectures that are designed to help women (& men!) lead their best romantic lives. What inspired you to create the “Doormat to Diva” series?
I feel women are under a lot of pressure – we’re expected to look good but then judged for trying to do so; we’re expected to be nice but then taken advantage of; we’re expected to have self esteem, but then referred to negatively, so many end up holding back, and living to pleasing others, while possibly looking for outside validation. It’s the reason I wrote my latest book “Sexual Power” which gives women (and men) the permission to live life on their own terms, so they can be happier, and make for better partners.
I also do male focused stuff, because they too often suffer from double standards. It’s okay for a woman to have a male friend or a vibrator, but a guy having a female plutonic friend is thought of as a phoney – heaven forbid if he has a Fleshlight in his night table, right beside his partner’s toys.
But overall, it’s not so much about the genders as it is about giving people the permission and the instruction to be their best selves!
If a woman feels like she has fallen into “doormat” territory what are a few ways she can turn that around?
First and foremost, she needs to be clear on what she wants, what makes her happy, what fills her, so she can go after those things.
Next, she needs to see what/who stands in her way – sometimes it can be she herself. This may require digging deep – involving therapy at times – so she can see if she’s caught in repetition compulsion, i.e., repeating old, traumatic patterns, hoping to rewrite a happy ending.
Once she understands what she needs to, she should find supportive people who will cheer her on – and help her, if need be – so she can clean out the unnecessary baggage in her emotional closet, and come out as the person she is, the woman she was meant to be!
When it comes to sex advice, what’s one of the most common questions you get from women?
How can I teach my partner to be a better lover without hurting his/her ego? A close second, how can I make my sex life better? – this can tie into anything from libido to technique, getting past abuse to coping with menopause.
Once a woman has become a “Diva” (in your words) what advice would you give her when it comes to seducing a man?
Ladies first – i.e. even though you may be seducing him, make sure you don’t forget about your own desires, because that’s the sexiest thing of all.
For the women out there who feel awkward flirting, what tips would you give them?
We were born to flirt! Just look at babies – they mirror your posture, open up their body language, smile, and then mimic your every move; it’s that simple. So ditch what you’ve been told about flirting and go for it. It’s not about taking someone to bed, it’s about being playful to make yourself and the other person feel good.
A simple way to start is, when you like someone, try to catch their gaze, instead of turning away quickly. Basically, you smile, and look at them for at least 2-3 seconds, doing a flirting triangle – your gaze should go from their left eye to right eye to mouth, back to left eye – then look away for a second or two and return with the triangle, starting with the right eye this time.
I also love that you have a seminar called The Art of Dating. If you could tell women one thing that would improve their success at dating, what would it be? What about men?
For both men and women, make the goal “having fun”, and really getting to know people – don’t stress over whether or not they’re the one. And don’t worry about how you appear to them – they’re more worried about how they appear to you. So just ask open ended questions and let them talk. We have two eyes, two ears and one mouth – use that ratio to be twice as attentive to them, versus talking about yourself.
Lastly, the term “sexy” gets thrown around a lot. What does “living a sexy life” mean to you personally?
It means embracing my sensuality and not being afraid of it – it doesn’t mean forcefully trying to show that I’m sexy, since we can appear trashy that way. My whole book talks about embracing your sexual power unapologetically, ’cause it creates the most fun, level playing field!
Thank you Rebecca for the great interview!
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